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Aspie_Chav
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 07, 2006
Age: 35
Posts: 2033
Location: Croydon
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 Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 11:04 am Post subject: My dates don’t hiding their desperateness |
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Dates don’t hiding their desperateness
Do you often find that your dates or potential date, do not hade their desperateness. At the weekend, at a speedating event the woman who gave me her number, got into conversation with a guy outside, who was smoking. She was saying how she goes to the these events, with very little luck, but she always keeps on going.
Before I met her, I met a woman in the venue who said her home town Luton was a lonely place and when we went into a conversation about age, ( I didn’t ask her age) she said she feels a lot older then she really is.
Another girl, just made the mistake of asking me out before I had a chance to ask her out first. However, because I like her, I didn’t mind. We will probably meet up again after our first date.
Another one, actually made a date set up a date for us to see Sweeny Tod in the cinema and a romantic comedy the Friday after. Reminded me occasionally, “what are we going to do next Friday”. We never did go out on the date as she was ill that day and went out with friends the other so forgot about the idea of her being a date.
My Liz said a few time how she feels very lonely when she put her kids to bed and has no one to talk to. But I guess that’s ok as I know her for sometime and at this time I might well be her special somone. I give her the image that I am happy and content which is far from the actual truth as you can get. |
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thatone
Hummingbird
Joined: May 11, 2008
Age: 32
Posts: 18
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 11:28 am Post subject: |
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| Seems they are open and honest about their desire to date....they must find you attractive and hope you will pick up on that interest. |
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Aspie_Chav
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 07, 2006
Age: 35
Posts: 2033
Location: Croydon
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 5:35 pm Post subject: |
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| It might be so, but it doesn't seem to me the best way to do it. Perhaps there is an advantage but I can't see it. |
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pbcoll
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 15, 2007
Posts: 1623
Location: England
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 6:28 pm Post subject: |
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They should move to Bristol. Single men outnumber single women by such a margin that any girl can get a date.
Why do you mind that she asked you out first?
_________________
I neither take revenge, nor beg for favours. (Rabindranath Tagore)
I am the steppenwolf that never learned to dance. (Sedaka) |
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MR_BOGAN
Mysterios Dirty Dancer
Joined: Mar 06, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 1804
Location: The great trailer park in the sky!
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 7:29 pm Post subject: |
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I don't see any problem with woman being open and honest.
I don't think it is wise to consider having a serious relationship with someone that likes you but hasn't got to know you properly. That type of woman will just use you. |
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Cyberman
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Posts: 543
Location: Telos
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 8:43 pm Post subject: |
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| Question: What exactly is wrong with being "desperate"? Desperation is a normal reaction to a lack of mates. So why should someone try to "hide" it? |
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Aspie_Chav
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 07, 2006
Age: 35
Posts: 2033
Location: Croydon
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| Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 2:43 am Post subject: |
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| Cyberman wrote: | | Question: What exactly is wrong with being "desperate"? Desperation is a normal reaction to a lack of mates. So why should someone try to "hide" it? |
Being desperate is, but not showing it. We live in an NT world where social status is very important. Desperate people are usually not very high on the social pecking order. This is especially the case with men. Have a look at the Ladder Theory.
Another thing about desperateness is that they may only be dating you because they will not be alone. When they do find a perfect match, they will be off. Which is just like me. I will settle with an NT but should I find an aspie, I will go with them instead. |
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Mark198423
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Jul 04, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 190
Location: Manchester, England
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| Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 8:00 am Post subject: |
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| If you're meeting these people at speed dating events then it's already implied that they're desperate. From what I've seen on the website's people don't just casually drop in, they have to plan in advance - only people with no hope of meeting someone between the booking and attending of the event are likely to go so most would be desperate. I see no reson to hide it there as it's so obvious! |
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pbcoll
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 15, 2007
Posts: 1623
Location: England
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| Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 10:32 am Post subject: |
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| Mark198423 wrote: | | If you're meeting these people at speed dating events then it's already implied that they're desperate. From what I've seen on the website's people don't just casually drop in, they have to plan in advance - only people with no hope of meeting someone between the booking and attending of the event are likely to go so most would be desperate. I see no reson to hide it there as it's so obvious! |
Actually, where I live it appears that even the girls at speed dating events are taken.
| Aspie_Chav wrote: | | Being desperate is, but not showing it. We live in an NT world where social status is very important. Desperate people are usually not very high on the social pecking order. This is especially the case with men. Have a look at the Ladder Theory. |
To quote from 'Dangerous Liaisons' on relationships: 'Vanity is not compatible with happiness.'
| Quote: | | Another thing about desperateness is that they may only be dating you because they will not be alone. When they do find a perfect match, they will be off. Which is just like me. I will settle with an NT but should I find an aspie, I will go with them instead. |
True.
_________________
I neither take revenge, nor beg for favours. (Rabindranath Tagore)
I am the steppenwolf that never learned to dance. (Sedaka) |
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Aspie_Chav
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 07, 2006
Age: 35
Posts: 2033
Location: Croydon
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| Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 11:11 am Post subject: |
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I met them all on speeddating except my Liz. However, I would say they have various level of desperateness based on what I hear. It is possible to make a good impression regardless.
I know that men have to try much harder in order not to come off as desperate. They need to appear confident and happy even when they are borderline suicidal. Men instinctually even lie about the quality quantity of their relationships.
In the NT world, I have never mentioned that my closest relationship was with a girl who was nuts and believe I stole her wig, pen and a video.
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JohnHopkins
In no way offensive to anybody. Honest.
Joined: Nov 20, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 1425
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| Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 2:59 pm Post subject: |
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| Aspie_Chav wrote: | | It might be so, but it doesn't seem to me the best way to do it. Perhaps there is an advantage but I can't see it. |
Ask yourself which is better - too many desperate girls, or not enough girls holding their cards to their chest? |
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Aspie_Chav
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 07, 2006
Age: 35
Posts: 2033
Location: Croydon
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| Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 6:19 pm Post subject: |
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| I wasn't thinking about the benefits to myself. I was thinking more about is it the best approach for them |
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juliekitty
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 26, 2006
Posts: 1687
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| Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 9:47 pm Post subject: |
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Wanting and trying to meet someone to date doesn't mean you're desperate.
Being lonely and admitting it doesn't mean you're desperate.
Desperation is when you'll date ANYBODY just so you won't be alone. |
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Aspie_Chav
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 07, 2006
Age: 35
Posts: 2033
Location: Croydon
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 12:48 am Post subject: |
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| juliekitty wrote: | Wanting and trying to meet someone to date doesn't mean you're desperate.
Being lonely and admitting it doesn't mean you're desperate.
Desperation is when you'll date ANYBODY just so you won't be alone. |
I guess there is nothing wrong with putting it like that. Hard to verify that you are correct at this point however. I am so at the bottom of the social pecking order that I cannot afford the luxury of showing I am lonely in front of a potentual date. |
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BigK
Raven
Joined: Jan 14, 2008
Posts: 105
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 9:41 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I give her the image that I am happy and content which is far from the actual truth as you can get. |
How can someone be a real friend if they never see the real you?
pretending to be something that you are not may get you more dates but won't get you a real relationship.
You will just end up going on lots of dates that will not lead anywhere. Sooner or later they will figure out that you are not who they thought you were.
I'm not saying that you should tell her all your woes on on the first date or go on and on about routemasters.
But you also should not play the cool dude if that is not what you are.
| Quote: | | Another thing about desperateness is that they may only be dating you because they will not be alone. When they do find a perfect match, they will be off. Which is just like me. I will settle with an NT but should I find an aspie, I will go with them instead. |
What does 'settle' mean? It would be a bit harsh to string someone along if you were always intending to 'trade up'. |
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