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pinkbowtiepumps
Sea Gull
Joined: Mar 17, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 232
Location: US
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 Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 12:41 pm Post subject: Insecure about my past |
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So I had a really hard time in middle school and high school. I was mercilessly made fun of even though I'm a nice person, and this has made me really insecure. Bad memories pop up all the time that I'll worry about for no reason whatsoever. I'm always afraid that these people are still talking sh** about me, that it will somehow filter into the new life I have made for myself in college, that everyone will hate me because of it.
Last night I was espescially afraid of this happening, so I began deleting people friends on facebook who I think may have a problem with me. I can't help but be afraid, though! It's all just paranoia but it's still getting in the way and it feels very debilitating.
Does anyone have any advice on how I can deal with such a thing? How can I erase such memories? I know we subconsciously choose which memories to keep, but is there a way to intentionally remove memories, or to keep them from affecting you as much?
Any help on this would be greately appreciated! |
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DukeGallison
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 24, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 167
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samtoo
Umbreon will never cease
Joined: May 13, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 1740
Location: England... lemme out! :(
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 3:33 pm Post subject: |
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I've had this problem many a time.
As simple as it sounds, the past doesn't have to determine your future.
It's exhausting and tiring to get into this state... if it were me, I'd tell people about why I'm scared and such... counsillors and the like.
Don't let it overwhelm you, and if you do, don't worry. Try meditation, writing down your thoughts on paper, recommended to me by psychiatrists.
Good luck I say. Your future isn't set in stone. 
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Umbreon's a brave lil dude... :') I love that lil guy. |
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woodsman25
Supporting Member
Joined: May 19, 2007
Age: 25
Posts: 2433
Location: NY
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 3:37 pm Post subject: |
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I have a similar problem, I CONSTANTLY am paranoid that people will all remember some of the foe paws I made in the past and the other weird things I did when I was a kid, I know its not healthy but I cant help it.
It happens on occasion, then I relax and realize that I am different then I was back then and that people arnt living in the past quite like I am.
I always wondered if others had the same problem that I did, and you confirmed it. I think when we do that we are the only ones thinking about the past, everyone else lives in the present.
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DX'ed with HFA as a child. However this was in 1987 and I am certain had I been DX'ed a few years later I would have been DX'ed with AS instead. |
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krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 44
Posts: 4938
Location: Village of the Damned
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 3:59 pm Post subject: |
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You might be interested in checking out some Rational Emotive theory. I do disagree with some of it but other parts have been helpful.
You can't change the past but you can gain some power over it by "refraiming" it.
AN example......
Bob made fun of me and it hurt my feelings. I recall other people laughing along and it made me feel very alone and outcast.
Who is Bob? Is he someone I think is a good person who is intelligent and has other traits I value. Does he posses some super power to judge me as good or bad as a human. Is what Bob is "mocking" , "true/important/within my ability to change", about me? Why does BOb mock me. Is he trying to get attention because of his own low self-esteem and need for control over other people...is this a trait I value in a person. Is it better or worse then the thing about me he is "mocking".
Who are the others who are laughing along. Are they afraid if they didn't laugh along that the mocking would be turned to them(it usually is when someone sticks up for someone who is being teased),are they just needing to feel a part of a group mind/ Is that a trait I value?
Most of the time...if I break down the situation into these psychological realitites, I realize that most humans are just very weak and vulnerable. They have no actual power over me, because they lack the traits that I admire. They are more individuals to feel sorry for then people who have any real strength of character.
I like logic.
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Just because one plane is flying out of formation, doesnt mean the formation is on course....R.D.Lang
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Mikomi
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 25, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 764
Location: On top of your TV, lookin' at you funny.
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 4:09 pm Post subject: |
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Sounds like me. As I've gotten older, I think I realized that I assumed they thought of me as much as I thought of my past. Truth is, they probably don't consider me at all. That's a good thought! You're not alone in the way you feel though. It is a type of victimization to be abused verbally (and physically, as the case may be) by classmates and peers. People don't just get over that, and for you the wounds are probably relatively fresh. It does get better.
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Curiosity is not a mental illness. |
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Isthisreal
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Apr 17, 2008
Posts: 29
Location: North America
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 4:48 pm Post subject: |
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| krex wrote: | You might be interested in checking out some Rational Emotive theory. I do disagree with some of it but other parts have been helpful.
You can't change the past but you can gain some power over it by "refraiming" it.
AN example......
Bob made fun of me and it hurt my feelings. I recall other people laughing along and it made me feel very alone and outcast.
Who is Bob? Is he someone I think is a good person who is intelligent and has other traits I value. Does he posses some super power to judge me as good or bad as a human. Is what Bob is "mocking" , "true/important/within my ability to change", about me? Why does BOb mock me. Is he trying to get attention because of his own low self-esteem and need for control over other people...is this a trait I value in a person. Is it better or worse then the thing about me he is "mocking".
Who are the others who are laughing along. Are they afraid if they didn't laugh along that the mocking would be turned to them(it usually is when someone sticks up for someone who is being teased),are they just needing to feel a part of a group mind/ Is that a trait I value?
Most of the time...if I break down the situation into these psychological realitites, I realize that most humans are just very weak and vulnerable. They have no actual power over me, because they lack the traits that I admire. They are more individuals to feel sorry for then people who have any real strength of character.
I like logic. |
Well said Krex. I might use this logic with my past experiences. |
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krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 44
Posts: 4938
Location: Village of the Damned
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 5:38 pm Post subject: |
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Isthisreal...
It has actually helped me. I was a psych major in college because I thought I was "broken" and that if I could fix myself, I could help others. What I found over time was that the world is broken and my ineffective coping skills were just my way of trying to fit into it. I don't fit, would end up more "twisted" if I tried to fit. It has made me a much more empathetic person to realize how difficult it is for anyone to remain sane in this unhealthy environment. (This was long before I learned about NT/AS...so I believe it applies to both, even if the environment is more geared to NT functioning, I have certainly known a lot of them that were insane and miserable....many of them just express it in a different way then I do. They tend to need more social affirmations, material possessions, social status, escape with chemicals and other addictions...but their dysfunction(which has negative effects on AS, the environment, other nations), is no less real but it is so "common" that the psychologist haven't "pathologized" as they have some of our "traits".
Bullies have a "need" to bully because something is missing in their life. Sometimes the bullying can get them what they need(attention,power or status) but their need for these things IS a dysfuntion.The anxiety and depression as a result of such bullying is NOT a dysfuntion but IS counter-productive and that is what we need to change...because we can unfortunately not treat their dysfunction until the "experts" start seeing it for the pathology that it is....
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Just because one plane is flying out of formation, doesnt mean the formation is on course....R.D.Lang
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kaytie
Sea Gull
Joined: Apr 28, 2008
Age: 33
Posts: 240
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| Posted: Sat May 10, 2008 10:59 am Post subject: |
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| i know how you feel. a while ago i had to get the groceries from the trunk and this housekeeper of our neighbor was outside, i had a bad experience with their previous maid that in my mind i assumed she would be the same towards me...got me worked up for an hour or so..till i got online... can't help it. |
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delilah
Emu Egg
Joined: Apr 19, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 1:19 am Post subject: |
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I bear with you, I have a bad reputation and people can't accept that i've changed, I get anxiety attacks about really silly things. I talk to God about it
1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. |
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deathchibi
anime freak of nature!!!!
Joined: Oct 17, 2007
Age: 107
Posts: 6077
Location: earth
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| Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 1:31 am Post subject: |
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i have been bullied in many ways from stabbing my left eye to using
my gullability to do things that others ask without questions
this has been acompanied by family issues and paranoia
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I shall rule the world with an iron spork!!!!
me fail english! thats unpossible!
4th sin: sloth |
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larsenjw92286
Your invitation to come on down!
Joined: Aug 31, 2004
Age: 21
Posts: 8858
Location: Seattle, Washington
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| Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 9:46 am Post subject: |
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I hope things improve with you soon!
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Jason Larsen
gameshowdude1986@yahoo.com |
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matsuiny2004
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 23, 2008
Posts: 1202
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| Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 7:53 pm Post subject: Re: Insecure about my past |
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| pinkbowtiepumps wrote: | So I had a really hard time in middle school and high school. I was mercilessly made fun of even though I'm a nice person, and this has made me really insecure. Bad memories pop up all the time that I'll worry about for no reason whatsoever. I'm always afraid that these people are still talking sh** about me, that it will somehow filter into the new life I have made for myself in college, that everyone will hate me because of it.
Last night I was espescially afraid of this happening, so I began deleting people friends on facebook who I think may have a problem with me. I can't help but be afraid, though! It's all just paranoia but it's still getting in the way and it feels very debilitating.
Does anyone have any advice on how I can deal with such a thing? How can I erase such memories? I know we subconsciously choose which memories to keep, but is there a way to intentionally remove memories, or to keep them from affecting you as much?
Any help on this would be greately appreciated! |
I would see a psychologist. I wnet through the sam experience and it helped me |
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