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newchum
Phoenix
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Joined: Aug 13, 2005
Posts: 635
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 Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 5:18 am Post subject: Repressing sexual and romantic desires |
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I’ve learnt through my traumatic early teenage years to suppress my sexual desires and regard that autistic people like myself should be asexual and not express sexual or romantic interests in other people let alone be in relationships.
I really do not think this is a healthy thing for my mental health. I'm very sexually and romantically frustated.
I'm interested if any of you are as repressed as I am in their sexual and romantic desires. |
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Nomaken
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Posts: 2059
Location: 31726 Windsor, Garden City, Michigan, 48135
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| Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 5:26 am Post subject: |
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Yup. There are dozens of people on this site that have had horrible experiances with dating and sh** like that. And a lot of them have become neurotic little balls of depression. Also some of them have succdeded, and the simplicity of their success seems to tell me that as an aspie you just need to wait around, and live around until the right person just RUNS into you. And you have to be lucky as hell. And until the right person runs into you, you need to hide away your hornyness and lonelyness because telling(or showing or letting on or anything like that) some girl(or guy) that you are horny as hell, and lonely as hell just does not usually win their affections. You gotta hide it until you become good friends with the person, and then gradually let them in on the fact that you wanna cuddle til the sun comes up and sh** like that.
_________________
And as always, these are simply my worthless opinions.
My body is a channel that translates energy from the universe into happiness.
I either express information, or consume it. I am debating which to do right now.
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pyraxis
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 26, 2005
Posts: 1527
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| Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 7:44 pm Post subject: |
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Somewhat. I'm currently at the point where I consider a romantic relationship to be equivalent to a life sentence. I don't care what other people do - I'm not on a crusade to make everyone on the spectrum asexual - but personally I'm going to have a lot of untangling and retraining to do if I ever decide I want romance. At least for me, loneliness isn't a problem at all, because I can get everything I want from people through platonic friendships.
I'm not a neurotic little ball of depression, though  ... my life is currently better than it's ever been. |
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TheOrangeMage
Toucan
Joined: Oct 20, 2005
Posts: 271
Location: Vandalia Ohio, USA
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| Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 10:19 pm Post subject: |
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I've stumbled upon someone who wants what I want, so my luck finally kicked in I guess.
However, the most important thing I have done is realize and ACCEPT the fact that even though I feel like a puzzle piece with one notch, my girlfriend is not. I'm still not 100% sure I've accepted it yet though. It's...a suprisingly hard concept to force. |
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Belfast
Vast Ambivalence
Joined: Jul 18, 2005
Age: 40
Posts: 1718
Location: VT
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| Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 12:25 am Post subject: Re: Repressing sexual and romantic desires |
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| newchum wrote: | | I’ve learnt through my traumatic early teenage years to suppress my sexual desires and regard that autistic people like myself should be asexual and not express sexual or romantic interests in other people let alone be in relationships. |
I had no dx to attribute my oddness to, but I did not fit in & felt that pain keenly. Beginning in kindergarden, I noticed the boys chased the girls but no one was chasing me. That hurt, so I reacted by trying to reject people first. By junior high, I would kick boys instead of paying attention to them, and was in massive denial about ever wanting to be involved with anyone.
| newchum wrote: | | I really do not think this is a healthy thing for my mental health. I'm very sexually and romantically frustated. |
It's probably not healthy, but temporarily might work-if one can climb out of the role/persona, once circumstances improve/shift. A self-protective cave has merit, but it's been hard for me to emerge from my lack of trust.
| newchum wrote: | | I'm interested if any of you are as repressed as I am in their sexual and romantic desires. |
I was, almost 20 years ago. Fortunately, events intervened & I'm recovering, gradually. Went to different schools & lived in different places, and gotten more used to myself. Hard to admit my needs when it's not in my interest to notice what I'm missing-would rather pretend I don't want/need positive regard from other humans. Like the "fox & the sour grapes" fable, though I'm not invalidating individuals who assert they truly prefer being loners.
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*"You cannot administer a wicked law impartially-it destroys everyone it touches, its violators as well as its upholders."* |
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techstepgenr8tion
that chatty American
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Posts: 14832
Location: A beautiful vector among many
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| Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 12:42 am Post subject: |
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| pyraxis wrote: | | Somewhat. I'm currently at the point where I consider a romantic relationship to be equivalent to a life sentence. I don't care what other people do - I'm not on a crusade to make everyone on the spectrum asexual - but personally I'm going to have a lot of untangling and retraining to do if I ever decide I want romance. |
At least for me I seriously worry about my independence - its so sheer and I'm so used to it I know that neglecting whoever I'm with and not really having it sink in properly that I'm 'with' someone is gonna be a major issue no matter how aware of it I am. My guy friends and girl-friends don't seem to mind it, but I know it would blow up in my face in a relationship context that needs constant reassurance and constant stoking from both sides. |
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Larval
Black Doves
Joined: Nov 16, 2005
Posts: 1037
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| Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 9:49 am Post subject: |
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I went through such a phase in high school. It wasn't really so bad at the time, but looking back it wasn't all that pleasant either.
After that I went through a phase where I was trying to play catch up - and failing miserably. I find do have someone now (she found me, though). TheOrangeMage is right - it is best to wait for the right person to come to you, at least in my experience. I'm very happy right now. |
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pooftis
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 11, 2005
Posts: 351
Location: San Marcos, CA
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| Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 12:53 am Post subject: Re: Repressing sexual and romantic desires |
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| newchum wrote: | I’ve learnt through my traumatic early teenage years to suppress my sexual desires and regard that autistic people like myself should be asexual and not express sexual or romantic interests in other people let alone be in relationships.
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What would make you think that being an aspie means you shouldn't be allowed to feel what you want to feel? Why would you ever have to repress something because of something that happened in ealry teen years which don't matter in the long run anyway?
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I hate hearing, "you don't seem autistic/aspie". I have a nagging suspicion most people have no idea what autistic or aspie "seem" like in the first place... |
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NeantHumain
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 25, 2004
Posts: 5119
Location: St. Louis, Missouri
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| Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 12:13 am Post subject: |
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| I have to repress them to the extent my mind lets me—damned hormones—but it's really to little avail. The reason I must is that I don't have any outlets for them. |
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Larval
Black Doves
Joined: Nov 16, 2005
Posts: 1037
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| Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 12:24 am Post subject: |
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| NeantHumain wrote: | | I have to repress them to the extent my mind lets me—damned hormones—but it's really to little avail. The reason I must is that I don't have any outlets for them. |
Well go get some then!!! (Outlets I mean.) |
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newchum
Phoenix
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Joined: Aug 13, 2005
Posts: 635
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| Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 12:59 am Post subject: Re: Repressing sexual and romantic desires |
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| pooftis wrote: |
What would make you think that being an aspie means you shouldn't be allowed to feel what you want to feel? Why would you ever have to repress something because of something that happened in ealry teen years which don't matter in the long run anyway? |
First of all, I'm a high functioning autistic and had to spend the first 4 years of his education in special schools for those with mild intellectual disabilities and my lifestyle is very similar to people with mild intellectual disabilities and have some the the diffcultes they face in life.
That alone to me produces thoughts of doubts about me having relationships. Also the events of my teenage years have developed into a fear of emotional intimacy and contributes a lot to my low self esteem. |
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ma_137
Toucan
Joined: May 31, 2005
Age: 33
Posts: 291
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| Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 10:16 am Post subject: |
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| i understand exactly what you mean, because the hormones can feel overwhelming. The onrush of feelings and emotions can eat at your insides. The best thing I did for it years ago was become engrossed in hobbies or work. It also helps that majority of us are not swayed by outward appearance, so hopefully your hormonal outburts are limited to a particular, well predicted time. I've changed a bit because I too have found love, and she understands me. I feel like a puzzle lacking a piece, as theorangemage said, or like a van gogh painting no one seems to understand. She understands me. Even the AS. That is a wonderful feeling to have. I bid you good luck on your quest to repress desire, but if true love comes knocking along, do not ignore it. |
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Crion87
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Jan 21, 2005
Posts: 187
Location: Victoria, Australia
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| Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2005 7:30 pm Post subject: |
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I try to repress those desires, simply because thus far I have had the hots for different individuals with whom the 'act' would be inappropriate, or inadvisable.
I have never even had sexual relations, and light kissing is about as far as my accomplishments go. The first girl I kissed other than my mother or kid crushes was an 18-year old girl (at the time I was 15), the only one whom loved me back. Reason that I am not with her today? She just simply wandered away (the fact that she was a mentally unstable epileptic and would sleep with anyone probably had something to do with it, but even so, I genuinely loved the girl - I still wonder if we would ever get together, though that is most likely a pie in the sky) 
I once had a weird crush on my integration aide (one strike against it), whom was a 40-something woman (two strikes against it), and whom was already with another man (three strikes you're out!), thankfully that did not get taken anywhere... 
I also was once kissed by one of my carers when I was in Traralgon, yet another 40-something. She said there was nothing in it, but I am not entirely sure. Of course, it was pleasant, but that sort of thing, well... 
I do hope that someone whom genuinely appreciates me and accepts me for whom I am - preferably an Aspergian since that would be easier, but I am willing to take my chances with an NT, will be the one whom I will share my life with. 
(And hopefully quite a bit younger than a 40-something - someone around my age whom likes me would be nice for a change)  |
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