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MsTriste
OTS
Joined: Dec 08, 2005
Posts: 3303
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 Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 1:07 am Post subject: |
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| BazzaMcKenzie wrote: | | There are a few old threads about this subject. I tried to find one I started, but because the search facility is not what it used to be, I can't find it. If a moderator has better search capability (Quatermass?) perhaps someone could find and sticky one. |
Seriously, what happened to the search feature? It is annoying for those of us who have posted in olden days in threads that recur. I imagine it's because the size of the forum has grown, but it really was nice to find an old thread to refer new people to.
"Coming out" for me has been great for the people who know me and care about me. Now we all "get it". But there are family members who just pretend I'm normal yet treat me like crap. So mixed reactions in my case. |
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caramateo
Snowy Owl
Joined: Sep 19, 2007
Posts: 172
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| Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 8:59 pm Post subject: |
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My mom was in denial when I told her.
Since I had a diagnosis written down for me, I showed it to her. My sister suddenly entered the room and I could not find that paper.
My mom had hide it away. She told me not to tell anyone at church.
Somehow she knew that I could say inappropriate things at church. |
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kaytie
Sea Gull
Joined: Apr 28, 2008
Age: 33
Posts: 237
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| Posted: Wed May 21, 2008 8:00 am Post subject: |
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i regret telling my sisters and mother...
futile, probably having aspergers isn't the worst
thing, it's having people in my life who don't care,
better being dead.
my mom when she scolded us when i was small
used to say.."if i knew you'd be this incorrigible,
i should not have given birth to you"
wish i could be independent, coz i seriously hate them. |
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phil777
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: May 21, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 70
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| Posted: Wed May 21, 2008 10:46 am Post subject: |
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| Hrm, well mine knew that i had some problems, i already had ADD, and meh, adding Asperger to the list didn't seem to bother them much. My brother and sister though who are younger (by no more than 3 years for my sis, 1 year 1/2 for my brother), they often lacked respect towards me, calling me names. But i still love them after all. :> (ah, my little brother is actually taller than me and doesn't enjoy when i tease him calling him "little" brother, might be related) |
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Sorenna
Snowy Owl
Joined: May 13, 2008
Age: 38
Posts: 137
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| Posted: Thu May 22, 2008 5:15 pm Post subject: Coming out- |
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It is pretty banal.
One is like Oh neat, the ohter is like WOW cool!
They are nice and I like the way it is just liike Hmmm. I would hate them to think OMG! |
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icon9clast
Emu Egg
Joined: Jul 05, 2007
Age: 33
Posts: 6
Location: Minnesota
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| Posted: Sat May 24, 2008 6:13 pm Post subject: |
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I wasn't diagnosed until I was 30 years old (I'm 32 now) and my parents were in their 50's. My parents have said almost nothing about it since I told them about it roughly at the same time I was diagnosed. My father obviously has undiagnosed Asperger's, but isn't interested in learning anything about it (especially from me). I think that strongly acknowledging the diagnosis would require them to face up to my father's Asperger's (his personality is similar to mine).
I have told some other close acquaintances, and generally they don't have very strong reactions. I think most people don't know enough about Asperger's to have a well informed reaction to disclosure. So if they are wise they don't have much of a reaction and if they have an intolerant streak then they may shun you or do something foolish. Hopefully, awareness of ASD will lessen this ignorance over the course of time. Think of things like depression they are better accepted now then they once were. ASD's would probably benefit from some militant activists to move this trend along, but given Aspie's general social reticence activism is more common from parents. Unfortunately, this sometimes distorts the genuine interests of those with ASD's.
My biggest problem with disclosure is that I have become obsessed with it. I spend a lot worrying about whether I should tell individuals that I get along with well. Historically, I never have been able to form friendships, so the idea/delusion is they will do they heavy lifting of friendship forming that I have no idea of how to accomplish. |
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love
Butterfly
Joined: May 29, 2008
Posts: 9
Location: Asia
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| Posted: Thu May 29, 2008 7:40 am Post subject: |
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My parents and I have not always had the best relationship but it became pleasant when I was forced to move out on my own shortly after high school graduation. Now that I am thirty my mother and I get along, but I sometimes wonder when the shoe will drop.
Anyway, I told her shortly after I found out. Her response was "the doctors think one of your brothers has AS as well" and that was it. |
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zghost
Velociraptor
Joined: Oct 29, 2007
Posts: 416
Location: Southeast Texas
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| Posted: Thu May 29, 2008 2:25 pm Post subject: |
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I have decided NOT to tell my parents. I have horribly embarassing memories of my mother standing me in front of the whole class and explaining to them that I wore hearing aids. I fear the same sort of thing would happen, her needing to "explain" me to everyone. I think I'll pass. My dad, well he'd just call it an excuse. Mostly because he has a lot of traits himself.
I have told my uncle, who I suspect has it too, but he's not telling anyone either.
My husband knows, of course. And is fine with it.
I think I'll just leave it at that. |
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Anemone
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 18, 2008
Age: 43
Posts: 387
Location: Vancouver, Canada
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| Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 11:02 am Post subject: |
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When I told my brother, he said "it's time for Jeopardy". That was what he remembered from the movie Rain Man. (What I remembered from the movie was how LOUD the music was at the beginning.)
When I told my mother she said "well, what do you want me to do about it????" as if I wasn't asking for help (as if I hadn't been asking for help for many years). She also decided that that meant I hadn't been sexually abused after all. She was useless.
I have no idea how my father or sisters feel about it, since I haven't spoken to them since before the diagnosis (11 years ago). You'd think my sisters'd be concerned, in case they ever have children.
Nobody seems to have a clue what it means. Either that or they do and they're ducking to get out of helping me. The greatest sin is not being financially independent. If I were financially independent they'd probably be glad to talk about it.
What's interesting is that my brother's gay, and he never officially came out. One day we just figured it out, because we finally knew what it looked like. For me autism is the opposite: they don't get it (and have to be told, but still don't get it) because they don't really know what it is or what it looks like.
Mostly telling them was a complete waste of time. They're either already there for you, or they're not. |
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minzrel
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 04, 2008
Posts: 9
Location: Europe
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 12:56 pm Post subject: |
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| icon9clast wrote: | I wasn't diagnosed until I was 30 years old (I'm 32 now) and my parents were in their 50's. My parents have said almost nothing about it since I told them about it roughly at the same time I was diagnosed. My father obviously has undiagnosed Asperger's, but isn't interested in learning anything about it (especially from me). I think that strongly acknowledging the diagnosis would require them to face up to my father's Asperger's (his personality is similar to mine).
I have told some other close acquaintances, and generally they don't have very strong reactions. I think most people don't know enough about Asperger's to have a well informed reaction to disclosure. So if they are wise they don't have much of a reaction and if they have an intolerant streak then they may shun you or do something foolish. Hopefully, awareness of ASD will lessen this ignorance over the course of time. Think of things like depression they are better accepted now then they once were. ASD's would probably benefit from some militant activists to move this trend along, but given Aspie's general social reticence activism is more common from parents. Unfortunately, this sometimes distorts the genuine interests of those with ASD's.
My biggest problem with disclosure is that I have become obsessed with it. I spend a lot worrying about whether I should tell individuals that I get along with well. Historically, I never have been able to form friendships, so the idea/delusion is they will do they heavy lifting of friendship forming that I have no idea of how to accomplish. |
This seems very similar to what my situation would be if I would tell my parents. Except I have no diagnosis, nor do I intend to get one. My parents have talked about AS and about people in our close vicinity who have it. My father fits the discription, as my grandmother does.
Since we do some work along with psychoterapists, most of my collegues know of AS. During this spring, my collegues started treating me different, hinting that I don't understand irony. Some are exceptionally vocational while they speak to me, while others make fun of my clumsiness. |
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spudnik
The Killer Bunnie of Caerbannog.
Joined: Feb 20, 2008
Posts: 2041
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 1:05 pm Post subject: |
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| I told my younger sister, and she said, "I don't think you have it", its hard enough trying explain this too people who are unwilling to read the symptoms, she finally came to the conclusion I was an Indigo Child, WTF!, that one stumped me, had to look that up on wikipedia, so I gave up trying to explain AS to family or friends, if this is the reaction I am going to get. |
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