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ouinon
chemical reaction
Joined: Jul 11, 2007
Posts: 3150
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 Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 3:48 pm Post subject: |
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i used to get crushes on a regular basis, about 1-2 a year on average, ( some far more intense than others) then here in france frequency reduced to zilch. Which is maybe why when a new one suddenly rolled over me 4 years ago ( aged 40, not quite the menopause!!) it was so unfamiliar that i saw it clearly, and what it was was a gigantic attack of fear.  
The sinking sensation, the mist before the eyes, the legs losing all strength, the faintness. And i suddenly realised that i no longer wanted to feel like that. I just told myself to stop it. And i did.
Previously i'd got a rush/buzz out of it; actually missed it when i didn't have a crush on someone.
Now i'm crush free. but i did have some trulymadlydeeply ones, long and exquisitely painful. One in particular ( out of the half dozen most memorable) was like torture, self inflicted of course. I longed, and craved, and yearned, and suffered, it was very addictive. I actually had to move towns to escape that one, because i just couldn't seem to stop it.
All that antici...pation, never disappointed. 
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"Life is pain; anyone who says different is selling something" |
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sodarktheshadows
Velociraptor
Joined: Nov 06, 2007
Posts: 416
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 2:17 am Post subject: |
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i have two that have lasted a very looong time...both of them since i was in my teens, and one that is more recent.
the first guy, i thought i was going to marry (yup...young and foolish and full of romantic ideals) and we were best friends. we played in a band together in high school with a bunch of other friends. we both liked each other, but we never managed to hook up...just seemed a little awkward. we both cried at my wedding. (it wasn't him i was marrying) and then we lost touch for a number of years (like the last 10...lol) and then i found out where he was playing a gig and showed up to surprise him...and boy did it ever...when i walked in, he actually stopped playing and almost ruined the song they were playing! ha! and i knew then that i still had my little 'crush'... and with the way he acted, too, i think it was one of those times when you say to yourself...'did i do the right thing? did i marry the right person?...' makes for some heavy thinking....
the other guy is another one i went to school with and we're still friends to this day. he dated two of my friends in high school, and i don't think he ever knew that i liked him...still doesn't. we just had a lot of the same interests and hung out together a lot because of these interests. it's not as intense as the abovementioned one...but just a little one.
sometimes i think i'm too old for this kind of thing...but it's all good...makes me feel young again! 
but shhhh....don't tell my husband...lol!
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friends are like balloons...once you let them go, you can't get them back.
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To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world. |
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hartzofspace
Red Dragon
Joined: Apr 15, 2005
Posts: 3637
Location: In the basement, with the 'nomalies
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| Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 1:57 am Post subject: Re: Anybody here have an uncrushable crush? |
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| sartresue wrote: | The crush is the crux topic
I do not know how old you are, hartzofspace, but ever since I entered the change of life I have not had any crushes. I know how you feel as I was tormented by them for years. They would make me sick--totally unrealistic and unrequited love. I empathize with anyone who has these anxiety attacks--this is how they feel to me, when the subject of the crush would come into my viewing area. the flood of emotion was so intense that I figured this was what Mr. Spock went through during Vulcan 'heat'. Very uncomfortable. I would not wish this on anyone.
Rest assured, though, it does eventually pass. One day it just disappears. |
That's exactly how I felt, and no, it is not pleasant. More like torture. I have not seen him for days, and I feel better. Maybe it'll just go away and never return. Or maybe menopause will hit. 
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"However gradual it looks from here, look if you like, but you will have to leap." |
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Shelby
Deinonychus
Joined: May 01, 2007
Age: 29
Posts: 340
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| Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 4:54 am Post subject: |
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| *sigh* Oh yes I have a big crush on someone who is married. Just like the OP, it will fade a bit but as soon as I see this person it's back in full force. |
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ebec11
Missing In Action: Innocence
Joined: Jan 18, 2008
Posts: 5251
Location: A Bubble in the Ocean
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| Posted: Wed May 21, 2008 7:31 am Post subject: |
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six months and sill going strong
I don't get to see him very much, but I can tell he's interested...just need time! (Stupid school)
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"You can do the math a thousand way, but you can't undo the past"
From P!nk's song 'I'm Not Dead' |
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hartzofspace
Red Dragon
Joined: Apr 15, 2005
Posts: 3637
Location: In the basement, with the 'nomalies
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| Posted: Wed May 21, 2008 1:24 pm Post subject: |
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Well, now my crush and his wife are moving away. Mixed feelings, as you can see. It will be a relief. Actually, it was getting better, because I interacted with him a few times, casually, and it seemed to destroy the "mystique." But it's just as well they are going. It will be more peaceful. This crush acted as a catalyst for me joining an online dating service. I am tired of crushes. I would like a relationship in real time.
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"However gradual it looks from here, look if you like, but you will have to leap." |
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ford_prefects_kid
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 18, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 392
Location: CA: Los Angeles and Berkeley
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| Posted: Wed May 21, 2008 6:52 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah, I have one...kinda reminds me of what whatamess said. I wonder if this will be the guy I still think about when I'm married and 40. Our relationship ended badly... we were ridiculously close for our ages, but too young to know not to abuse that closeness. I love my current boyfriend, but I don't know if I'll ever quite be at that level with another human being again. Sometimes I even wonder if ANYONE should be that close. He broke up with me which broke my heart, and then stopped talking to me after I wouldn't take him back when I got a new boyfriend a month later. The end of that contact broke my heart a second time, which I didn't even know was possible.
A year later, he contacted me over aim and I suddenly started thinking about him again. I've thought about him on and off ever since, since he'll frequently IM me, but won't see me in person. Now I realize I don't know if I could handle seeing him in person. I think I would either cry, or faint, or both...which would be complicated. 
Two years ago I found a posting he put on craigslist, of all places, saying that he was still in love with me and everything had been his fault. I cried over that posting for about a week. ...he always had a way with prose  |
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Purplefluffychainsaw
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 28, 2005
Age: 19
Posts: 341
Location: Oxford
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| Posted: Thu May 22, 2008 3:14 am Post subject: |
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Well, the one I had on my childhood sweetheart got killed after twelve years or so when I found out he's gay. XD
But the first girl I fell in love with happened to be my best friend. And I watched her fall in love with another of our friends, go out with, break up with, and literally fall apart over. She's in Australia now, and it's finally finished.
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I would be the laziest girl in the world, but it's too much effort. |
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ThatRedHairedGrrl
Sea Gull
Joined: May 11, 2008
Posts: 229
Location: Totally confusing all the passing piranhas
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| Posted: Mon May 26, 2008 4:05 pm Post subject: |
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Ew, this is nasty...yes. Well, at the time. Back in school, there was this guy I fell for when I was 17. He was 19.
I fell for him painfully, and completely. He was the only guy I'd ever met who actually talked to me - about spirituality and politics and deep stuff. I was naive enough to think that because we went around together all the time, we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Even after I found out he was going round some older woman's house on weekends, I wasn't convinced that he actually had any kind of relationship with her. Even after I 'fessed up and we had the long conversation in which he explained that it wasn't possible, he loved me as a friend but, blah blah...he carried on seeing me. He spent New Year's Eve with me and some other mutual friends. He kissed me (and later claimed it didn't happen). It only stopped after the girlfriend confronted me and told me to 'stop following him around'. (He'd told her a very different story.) To add to the complication, the girlfriend was the leader of the meditation group we both belonged to, and she was simultaneously chasing me up to get me to go to a ceremony in London that I now, for obvious reasons, had no desire to attend.
There was a hiatus of about a year during which I was involved, disastrously, with two other guys. Then I managed to fall back into seeing Crush Guy again. And by now he'd left the older woman. And we spent another six months going everywhere together. Then he told his mom, in front of me, all about some other girl he'd met. And soon after that he wrote me a snotty letter in which he claimed I was acting like a stupid schoolgirl and not to pester him again.
If I think of him now, it's only in the hope that whoever's in charge of karma has paid him back very richly for the way he handled the situation.
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Birds scream at the top of their lungs in horrified hellish rage every morning at daybreak to warn us all of the truth but sadly we don't speak bird. |
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veruniel
Velociraptor
Joined: May 20, 2008
Posts: 432
Location: England
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| Posted: Mon May 26, 2008 4:13 pm Post subject: |
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I know how you feel. I've fallen for someone and I know he's interested in me, but he's still got entanglements with his ex-girlfriend and he's just generally too screwed up to leap into any sort of relationship right now, even something casual and non-committed. If he were married or conventionally attached it might be easier, because I could just write it off as a bad idea and wait for it to pass. But as it is, I think there might be potential for something, at least something casual and low pressure, if I stay around, not too close and not too far away, and act supportive.
But at least the obsessive element to my feelings has abated, and I'll be satisfied even if it fizzles as long as we remain friends. I'm sure my feelings will cool further if nothing continues to happen.
I hope your crush abates too. |
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five_squared
Blue Jay
Joined: Mar 02, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 84
Location: Stockholm, Sweden
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| Posted: Mon Jun 02, 2008 5:16 pm Post subject: |
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| I know the feeling :/ But I don't think I have the guts to tell my story, at least not at the moment... |
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Alaspi
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 26, 2008
Posts: 930
Location: Seattle
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| Posted: Mon Jun 02, 2008 11:07 pm Post subject: |
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yeah. I have two, one I have mentioned quite a bit here...and the second, luckily, I am currently partnered up with. 
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...WHALE |
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MissConstrue
Aquarius
Joined: Feb 05, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 11477
Location: Anywhere but HERE!
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| Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 12:44 am Post subject: |
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Yes, try 4 years.
Obsession over someone who has no idea or doesn't care.
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Oh you can't help that. We're all mad here.
__Cheshire the Cat
6thSin:Envy |
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hartzofspace
Red Dragon
Joined: Apr 15, 2005
Posts: 3637
Location: In the basement, with the 'nomalies
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| Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 1:28 am Post subject: |
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| MissConstrue wrote: | Yes, try 4 years.
Obsession over someone who has no idea or doesn't care. |
Ugh! Don't you hate that? 
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"However gradual it looks from here, look if you like, but you will have to leap." |
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kitsunetsuki
Toucan
Joined: Feb 01, 2007
Age: 38
Posts: 251
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 8:50 pm Post subject: |
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| Yes , and they are someone I will never be able to be with, I still talk to them daily though, if I avoid them, I think about them all the time I don't know what it is about them. I would forget about them if i could, or sometimes I know I would rather have known them. Although it's only going on three years. he knows I exist but there are reasons we could never be together. |
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