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Davius
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Sep 16, 2005
Posts: 72
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
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 Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 8:11 pm Post subject: Aspie-NT relationships |
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Anyone with AS here in a romantic relationship with an NT? Any NT in a relationship with an aspie?
What are the positive things about it? Any complaints? |
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Astarael
Numquam obliuiscor..
Joined: Aug 07, 2005
Posts: 1293
Location: Western Australia
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| Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 6:46 am Post subject: |
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I'm in a relationship with an NT and it's fine.. we have alot of similar interests and he dislikes loud noises, bright lights and crowded rooms, so that helps. He doesn't understand a whole lot, but I've never known anyone personally who did so it's nothing major. Overall it's good  He's not the one to need to do alot of social interaction either, staying home and reading a book is always better then going out.
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"A flower plucked carelessly and left to wilt.." |
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Midget
Butterfly
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Joined: Aug 27, 2005
Posts: 9
Location: Perth, Western Australia, Australia
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| Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 7:57 am Post subject: |
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Actually, he doesn't understand a hell of a lot .
From the NT side of things, having an aspie partner can be pretty challenging at times because of the lack of understanding. I'm sure it's the same the other way round.
However, as long as you have an open relationship and can talk about your problems/needs then it can work out really well. The aspie needs to understand that the NT won't understand them and their actions a lot of the time.
The NT partner needs to understand that he/she won't understand a lot of the Aspie's actions  .
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06xrs
Deinonychus
Joined: Nov 04, 2005
Posts: 361
Location: Alabama
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| Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 10:32 pm Post subject: |
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My wife is NT. We only recently found out about my Asperger's (after 17yrs of marriage). It explained a lot of things for her and she is more understanding now. For example, we no longer have a huge discussion about why I suddenly HAD to get out of the church when the music started (way too loud). Although it still drives her insane, she believes me when I tell her I have no recollection of a conversation ever occuring. I guess she would say that she has always loved me enough to accept my faults (many) as well as my strengths (she claims there are some).
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When you're sitting with a beatiful girl an hour seems like a second. When you're sitting on a hot coal a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.- Einstein
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Asperger's: Vive la difference! |
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Belfast
Vast Ambivalence
Joined: Jul 18, 2005
Age: 35
Posts: 1685
Location: New England
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| Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 2:37 am Post subject: |
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All my relationships were w/NT's, but I was considered one then, too. In hindsight, who knows what some of them might be dx'd with, but I doubt AS. Never even met anyone w/AS (that I'm aware of), so can't contrast/compare. My AS dx was only a couple years ago, during divorce. Ex-husband a very strange person by any standard. Refuses evaluation, but if he had a dx I don't think it's AS. Currently in relationship w/ an "NT", we met before my dx & the label didn't change things. Challenges do frequently arise from my "special" problems, but my bizarreness was obvious from the start. In the past it's driven off some potential suitors, maybe also has protected me from some unsuitable people (so speculates my caseworker). When I've been single/alone, I could only imagine I was hopeless & that I'd be condemned to be a reject, discarded & of no use. Being in a good relationship gives me someone to care enough to argue with me, constructively. This includes helping me argue with myself when my bad feelings are taking over.
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*"You cannot administer a wicked law impartially-it destroys everyone it touches, its violators as well as its upholders."* |
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grayson
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 05, 2005
Posts: 239
Location: Netherlands
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| Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 4:00 am Post subject: |
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I've been with an NT for the past 10 years. Didn't realize I was AS until about 2 years ago. The relationship is very good, and we are able to talk through almost everything. While he doesn't understand me all the time, he loves me and is very accepting of me, quirks and all. I think it's his personality that makes him an ideal partner for me: accepting, easygoing, doesn't expect me to do too much (e.g. keep the house spotless and organized), and unflinchingly honest. I can't tolerate "smooth talkers" or people who lie for any reason. He won't lie, even to make me (or anyone else) "feel better". He does have a way of speaking the truth that doesn't hurt as much as my blunt manner, however.
We do have a few sticky points; when I get obsessive about something and forget everything else, for example. His main concern is that I be a good mother for our children. Over the years he has grown to understand many things about me, like my abhorrence of sudden change and need for quiet time alone (he's taking the kids and going to visit his folks this weekend, in fact, so I can be alone).
The biggest problem for me is that he doesn't like the AS label. *Really* doesn't like it. He doesn't believe I am AS, and really resists it. But this label means so much to me, because it makes my life (especially my childhood) make so much sense. And it explains me to myself: why I still hate social situations, why I have trouble with impulse control, why I really am not cut out to be Miss Super Organized though I think I should be. Calling myself AS really helps me be at peace with me. If I could change one thing, it would be to have him embrace my AS label. (And I think we are on the right track; we had a really good conversation about it this week, after nearly a year of not talking about it.)
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Much madness is divinest sense, to a discerning eye; much sense, the starkest madness. (Emily Dickinson) |
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tallgirl
Deinonychus
Joined: Dec 15, 2004
Posts: 310
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| Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 10:56 pm Post subject: |
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I am an Aspie married to an NT. Our marriage works because we work at it every day. We communicate and we each have a part to play. I tell him when I am heading toward a meltdown, and he now recognizes that I am desparately asking for help and that if he wants to avoid a meltdown, he must help me.
He is easygoing, non-judgmental, optimistic, and has a weird mother, so I am not much different than what he grew up with.
He likes my smarts, my sense of humor even though it can be very strange, my honesty, and my fairness.
We balance eachother out.
Tallgirl. |
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