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Rocker_C
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 03, 2008
Posts: 16
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 Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 6:39 pm Post subject: Ex gf problems!!! |
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Hey everyone on WP im Chris. Ive just joined but a friend who is already a member on here told me joining could help me. I don't have AS but have mild dyspraxia and visual dyslexia but my sister has autism.
Right where do I start.. When I was 16 I got engaged to a girl who I'd met through another girlfriend. So we went well for a few months and I asked her to marry me. everything went well again after that for a few more months and then she just changed, don't have a clue what made her change but she did. she went from being a happy, larger than life person to a nasty bitter person. I hadnt done anything to make her that way she just sorta changed. Well after she did she started telling me that she was cheating on me and that she'd got pregnant after having drunked sex with a guy at some house party. Well me being me I told her I forgave her and thought nothing more to it. seeming though I was in love with the girl I didnt want to see her in anyother way than my perfect fioncee. So after a further two affairs (or so she was telling me) we decided to split up. Well as you can guess I was heart broken by it all plus the fact that she used to hit me in the face a lot too. I mean ive been punched all my life but that hurt more somehow.
Anyway after a few years have gone by now, me and her always argue then make up. But recently she told me she loves me. I mean i still love her but i cannot trust her after what she did to me. but she wont listen to me when I tell her that I think it would be a good idea if we didnt talk and just forgot about each other because every girlfriend ive had after her it hasnt worked out because I still love my ex fioncee. I just dont know how to get her out of my head and out of my life so that I can move on.. please help. any advice or comments are very much appreciated.
P.S sorry about any spelling errors in this post I had dyslexia.
hope to hear from you all soon |
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bloop
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jun 01, 2008
Posts: 52
Location: UK
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| Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 6:55 pm Post subject: |
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It sounds like this girl is manipulating you. She can see an emotional vulnerability in you and she is taking advantage of your good nature to make herself feel better about herself. These kind of relationships are really hard to move away from, but you need to do that or it will keep damaging you. It sounds like this girl has no respect for you or your wishes - ask yourself why you have this compulsion to be around someone who has no respect for you and treats you like dirt. You deserve much better. There is no excuse for her behaviour.
It's quite common for people in these sorts of relationships to have low self respect, often because they have been treated badly as children or not given the support they needed growing up. This isn't your fault either, and you can work on improving your self respect with the right support (I don;t know what's available in your area).
You have done really well to take the first step and tell her you don't want contact. It's really hard to do. It's hard to keep saying it though, but you'll find it so much easier to move on if you stop all contact.
Good luck |
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krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 45
Posts: 4995
Location: Village of the Damned
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| Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 6:59 pm Post subject: |
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You sure sound aspie as far as your experience with her is concerned...advice....RUN.
I don't know what qualities your Girlfriend had that made you fall in love with her but she obviously has to many problems for you to deal with now. Probably depression and chemical abuse issues that only she can fix when she is ready to deal with them. Her love for you may be real but it is also probably because she got tired of being treated like a hoar and misses someone who is nice to her....eventually, she will probably just get bored with this and return to her previous self destructive pattern.
Why do I know this...because I use to be her and it took me years to learn how to change this behavior.
RUN
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Rocker_C
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 03, 2008
Posts: 16
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| Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 8:53 pm Post subject: |
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hi bloop.. I was brought up as a child with a very rocky past and I guess Thats why I let people treat me bad. I mean even my own mum threw me out on the streets after she saw her fioncee giving me abuse and sided with him. I mean Im so scared of actually growing to hate all women and this ex of mine isnt doing me any favours at all. But I love her so much that I let her get away with treating me bad.. I mean what she does now is she'll argue with me so then I will remind her of what shes doing wrong and she just makes me feel like the abuser. Really rough circle to keep on going around. Ive tryed stopping contact all together before but she always manages to get back in contact with me again and when she does I mean Im already missing her loads so the circle carries on again..  |
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preludeman
Velociraptor
Joined: May 22, 2007
Age: 38
Posts: 476
Location: In my inner sanctum of solitude.
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| Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 10:03 pm Post subject: Don't worry. |
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Rocker C someone else who likes you will come along. You deserve better.
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Do what you can when you can. I'm also the "alien"they are looking for. |
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makuranososhi
Purple Monkey Dishwasher
Joined: May 13, 2008
Posts: 2261
Location: Arizona
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| Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 10:04 pm Post subject: |
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Hi Chris -
For me... strong emotional attachments don't wither, or die, or disappear easily. There are exes of mine, that while we still care about the other person, who I only keep in contact with through correspondence - proximity would cause my memory to overwhelm my senses. What she did to you... was cruel, and while perhaps not premeditated did come with a degree of conception. Are there any positives to continuing the connection? If you don't want to continue... you don't have to. Tell her you do not want to continue like this, and stop answering her calls from that point on. Is it hard? Yes. Can be very much so. But you are the important piece to this puzzle - not her.
M.
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Rocker_C
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 03, 2008
Posts: 16
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| Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 1:51 pm Post subject: |
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Hi everyone. Its Chris(Rocker_C)
Just to thank you all for your replies to my post. Until now I havn't looked at the situation in a different way. But you guys have all helped me seeit in a new light from a different angle. I don't deserve to be treated badly. So I've cut all contact again and hope this time that it works.
Just to update you all about it, I went on facebook just yesturday and saw she's got a bf!! now she got with him on the 3rd of June 08 and she told me she loved me on the 4th of June. Lies always come out. Im so angry at her right now but i'm glad that my ordeal with it all is over.
Thank you |
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samtoo
I'm a paradox...ical... fiery icecube
Joined: May 13, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 1882
Location: England... lemme out! :(
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| Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 4:42 pm Post subject: |
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I'm glad you're feeling better Chris buddy. 
Your friend - Sam... like guitar guy...
Keep on trekkin' man.
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I am paradox...  |
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flailure
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 13, 2007
Posts: 633
Location: my office
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| Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 5:10 pm Post subject: |
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Chris I went through a very similar situation at 16. I forgave her too, but she found many more ways to make me feel like dirt even if she was no longer cheating on me. When I was young I would attach myself to anyone who showed the least bit of romantic interest. I was convinced that I didn't deserve love or happiness so I too what I could get. That attitude got me married at 20. Those were the worst years of my life. It was total and complete hell.
Somewhere along the way I realized that I was not a human toilet and eventually ended the marriage on a very bitter, but definitive note. Those years marked me. Even when I got married again a few years later I still had horrendous amounts of baggage left over and life for my beautiful wife was miserable. Thank god she understood me and loved me enough to stay with me through it all. We'll hit the 8 year mark next month.
I know it sounds cliché, but love yourself first. Respect yourself enough to not allow someone to treat you like sh**. Think of it this way: if you saw a friend being treated like she treated you, what would you say to him? You matter. When you do meet someone and maybe marry and start a family, you will want to be an example for your children. You can't just hope that they will have self love and self respect - you have to show them how.
Please don't go through what I went through just because you feel such a strong need to latch on to something that looks like love.
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MR_BOGAN
Mysterios Dirty Dancer
Joined: Mar 06, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 2014
Location: The great trailer park in the sky!
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| Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 9:30 pm Post subject: |
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I can understand what you say if you still have feelings for her because of your relationship with her.
But she sounds like a complete bitch. She is playing power games with you which are nasty.
Maybe write a list of all the bad things she has done to you and if you start having feelings for her again look at that list.
If you she tries to contact you just ignore her or tell her to piss off. If that doesn't work start insulting her until she leaves you alone.
There are good women out their so don't get a negative view about all women. |
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Pandora
Cat Lady
Joined: Jun 18, 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 4684
Location: Townsville
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 8:22 am Post subject: |
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I heartily concur with MrBOGAN - this woman seems to have no redeeming features at all. She was probably nice to you in the beginning just to suck you in. The only way to get over her is a clean break - deleting her from all your contact lists, deleting all her e-mails, refusing any calls. She is not worth any more of your time. I think you could even have called the police on to her if she was hitting you. There are some support groups for men who have been battered but sadly, they are much rarer than those for battered women.
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Someday soon you're gonna rule the world.
Break out you Western girls,
Hold your heads up high.
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lisa81
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 07, 2008
Posts: 636
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 8:25 am Post subject: |
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 wow 16 and gonna get married....
I kick myself for even being with my ex for 4 years that age....
I'm 27 and still haven't been popped the question  |
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Pandora
Cat Lady
Joined: Jun 18, 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 4684
Location: Townsville
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 8:27 am Post subject: |
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16 is too young to get married most times, especially for a guy.
_________________
Break out you Western girls,
Someday soon you're gonna rule the world.
Break out you Western girls,
Hold your heads up high.
"Western Girls" - Dragon
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lisa81
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 07, 2008
Posts: 636
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 8:32 am Post subject: |
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Oh and my advice.....
DON'T GO BACK
dude if she cheated once or twice think I read here uh yea... she don't love you.
Love is about respect for the person. I tell anyone who gets abused, treated like sh** or cheated on that once one of these things have been committed.... FORGET IT
there's no love. you're basically their "B****" to keep around because they know you'll be dumb to hang on while they play or hurt you.
Lots of good girls out there hun.... We're just in hideout cause the crappy men we meet  |
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Pandora
Cat Lady
Joined: Jun 18, 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 4684
Location: Townsville
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 8:36 am Post subject: |
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Yes, DO NOT TAKE HER BACK! She's had plenty of chances to make amends to you for mistreating you and she's still horrible. She'll keep you on a string for as long as you keep going back to her and she needs to learn that you aren't her personal punching bag.
_________________
Break out you Western girls,
Someday soon you're gonna rule the world.
Break out you Western girls,
Hold your heads up high.
"Western Girls" - Dragon
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