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NeantHumain
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 25, 2004
Posts: 3719
Location: St. Louis, Missouri
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 Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 9:02 pm Post subject: Where Do You Go When You Want to Meet People? |
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I'm 23, male, and I really don't know any good ways to meet people (particularly women) my age. It's not that I sit at home all the time (although I do spend a lot of my non-work time at home); it's that, when I leave the house, the activities I do are still solitary and don't really bring me in contact with people much.
Here has been my tack (or at least outings) so far:
- Bookstore (e.g., Borders, Barnes & Noble): I'll browse around for a little while and get a book or magazine to read in the café section. Sadly, I never spot any women while doing this even though this is the main reason I go (well, there are middle-aged and elderly women and on rare occasion women my age—with a guy, looking to be going on some kind of date).
- Outdoor festivals (art fairs, food fairs, and other summertime festivals): This looks to be a place women go with a date, not to meet someone. I don't really see women walking around alone at these things.
- Quick-service and fast-casual restaurants (these are the restaurants that don't have waiters, and you pay for and order your food at a cash register, but the quality of the food is better than fast food): These places turn out to be popular with middle-aged ladies and mothers (I go anyway because I like the food, and it's not one of those sit-down places where it's kind of awkward to eat by yourself).
- Classes (note I graduated from college about a year ago): I signed up for some adult-education noncredit classes a few months ago, and it was all old people, so I dropped the class. Yes, there were a lot of people my age, including lots of women, in college; and, yes, I did try talking to them. No, it didn't work for me back then.
- The park: I sometimes go on a walk or take a bike ride at the park. There are occasionally women my age there, but I see more guys than girls on the trails. Figuring out a good way to make an opening in this situation, especially if I am riding my bike, is something I'm trying to figure out.
You may notice that I did not list bars or nightclubs here. That is because I do not drink. (My understanding is this where the bulk of people my age go to meet people, and this is bad news for me.) |
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kip
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 14, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 762
Location: Las Vegas NV USA
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| Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 9:23 pm Post subject: |
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Volenteer for something like the SPCA. I'm female, and men that love animals makes me lurve them.
Or do volenteer hours at a hospital. You'll find lots of cute nurses to have lunches with.
Plus, both of these things expand your friend base, which in and of itself helps get dates.
_________________
You can purchase anything off the Internet except common sense.
…the end of our exploring, will be to arrive where we started, and know the place for the first time. - T.S. Eliot |
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Silver_Meteor
Asperger Accountant
Joined: Jul 11, 2007
Posts: 1145
Location: North Kingstown, Rhode Island, USA
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| Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 9:24 pm Post subject: |
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I am in pretty much the same boat as you are. In terms of meeting women in a nightclub or discoteque, forget about it. I would look in the singles ads in your local newspapers around town. For me, they have been my sole source of finding someone of the opposite sex because that is specifically what they are intended for.
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Not by revolution but through evolution are all things accomplished in permanency.
Certified Bookkeeper:AIPB
QB ProAdvisor
Diagnosed with Autism/Childhood Schizophrenia early 60s. Today, I would have Asperger Syndrome |
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Ticker
Come to the Dark Side; we have cookies...
Joined: Aug 26, 2006
Posts: 2407
Location: Cage Free at the moment
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| Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 10:51 pm Post subject: |
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I think you are going about it wrong. Your sole purpose for going out in town should not be to find a girlfriend. Even more if you approached a woman at any of the places you listed like the bookstore or a restaurant you would freak them out and they would think you are a stalker to approach them at such a place.
You meet girlfriends by hanging out in groups. Go out with male friends (non-Aspergers male friends) and that will help you meet women. Also join hobby groups that attract both men and women. Don't join a chess club for example because all that attracts are other Aspie single males. Join hiking groups or a support group (for some other condition that you have other than Aspergers). I made a good friend at an arthritis water exercise class. Get a cute puppy and take it to the dog park because strangers will talk to someone who has a dog when otherwise they would not even speak to that person. Or if you would rather not have the eternal responsibility of your own dog then walk neighbors dogs for a few bucks and take the cute ones to the dog park.
You need to quit thinking that the only reason you are socializing is so you can get a woman. Women can smell out that kind of man from a mile away. Go out with the idea of having fun and making new friends.
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I'm sweet on the outside and rotten within... |
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roygerdodger
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 16, 2006
Age: 17
Posts: 1156
Location: High Point, NC
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| Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 11:17 pm Post subject: |
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What about for us younger kids? I don't even know any places in my town to meet people my age.
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http://roygerdodger721.livejournal.com |
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AnonymousAnonymous
More Riddler than Joker
Joined: Nov 24, 2006
Age: 18
Posts: 6796
Location: Portland, Oregon
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 1:23 pm Post subject: |
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RoygerDodger,
Don't go to the mall!
Girls at malls travel in packs,
so don't make a fool of yourself!
Try a political rally.
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It's time to introduce a little anarchy. |
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roygerdodger
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 16, 2006
Age: 17
Posts: 1156
Location: High Point, NC
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 1:27 pm Post subject: |
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| AnonymousAnonymous wrote: | RoygerDodger,
Don't go to the mall!
Girls at malls travel in packs,
so don't make a fool of yourself!
Try a political rally. |
Sorry, not into politics.
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http://roygerdodger721.livejournal.com |
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ignisfatuus
Raven
Joined: Feb 06, 2008
Posts: 116
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 3:42 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I think you are going about it wrong. Your sole purpose for going out in town should not be to find a girlfriend. Even more if you approached a woman at any of the places you listed like the bookstore or a restaurant you would freak them out and they would think you are a stalker to approach them at such a place. |
This.
I can sympathise with your situation, but desperation is a monster turnoff for women. If you are doing activities for the sole purpose of hooking up, you will achieve the opposite every time.
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"In certain kinds of writing, particularly in art criticism and literary criticism, it is normal to come across long passages which are almost completely lacking in meaning." George Orwell |
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nettiespaghetti
Deinonychus
Joined: May 23, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 332
Location: Michigan
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 3:49 pm Post subject: |
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It's kinda funny that I'm reading different views on this, because I'm a woman who used to hope I'd meet a guy when I went to the bookstore, lol. But if you really want to meet people have you considered yahoo personals? I know several people that have found their significant other through online personals and things seem to be going really good for them.
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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former - Albert Einstein |
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NeantHumain
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 25, 2004
Posts: 3719
Location: St. Louis, Missouri
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 10:50 pm Post subject: |
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| Ticker wrote: | | You meet girlfriends by hanging out in groups. Go out with male friends (non-Aspergers male friends) and that will help you meet women. Also join hobby groups that attract both men and women. |
It's hard to conceptualize hanging out. Remember I'm an aspie. I was the kid who grew up reading science textbooks and encyclopedias for fun and playing video games. I did not "hang out" at the mall like those weird-looking teenagers do today. I did not "hang out" in groups of people during lunch or at recess.
It's hard for me to emphasize just how my social skills have spliced (I have developed good enough formal, professional social skills but still lag in developing friendships and romance). Talking about nothing gets boring fast. Clubs might be a better avenue, and that's something I've been researching. |
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Neurotypical
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 09, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 17
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| Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 8:16 pm Post subject: |
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| NeantHumain wrote: | | It's hard to conceptualize hanging out. Remember I'm an aspie. I was the kid who grew up reading science textbooks and encyclopedias for fun and playing video games. |
That sounds disturbingly just like me. Even though I'm not an aspie. OH NOES  |
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lastcrazyhorn
Bat-Chick
Joined: Oct 11, 2007
Posts: 1219
Location: Texas
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 8:33 am Post subject: |
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Library.
_________________
"I am to misbehave" - Mal
BATMAN: I'll do everything I can to rehabilitate you.
CATWOMAN: Marry me.
BATMAN: Everything except that.
http://lastcrazyhorn.wordpress.com - "Odd One Out: Reality with a refreshing slice of aspie" |
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Tim_Tex
WP's Resident Simpsons and South Park Aficionado
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 22327
Location: San Marcos, Texas
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 10:06 am Post subject: |
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I wouldn't know.
However, if it were relatively easy to convince people of my beliefs, then it would be an "anything goes"-type situation.
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When you need something, that's a responsibility, that only an adult...of my maturity...Bunnies!!!
~Meatwad, Aqua Teen Hunger Force |
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frankcritic
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 145
Location: United States, AR
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 12:16 pm Post subject: |
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Far worse can happen to you than failure here, remember that. Women today are ruthless and unforgiving, or at the least are indirect and polite to a fault. My guess is you'll get responses that are very confusing, vague, and seem odd to you, in which case I would say that virtually any response other than an easily understood yes, or something to that effect, means no. No means no, but it has a lot of company in that regard.
What others are saying about desperation being a turnoff is correct as well. From an aspie perspective, this makes no sense. If you are available for a given thing and somebody wants you for that given thing, then this is a mutually beneficial relationship, and if they really, really, really, want you for that given thing, then that means they're dedicated and dedication is always good. Desperation is bad for the person who is desperate, logically, because it will mean that they'll put up with virtually anything to keep what they are desperate to have, but for the other person? It's great, because they've got all the leverage in the situation. So here you are, offering women dedication, maximum leverage, and clearly understood motives and intentions, and somehow that's a problem because they're f***ing irrational and stunningly proud of it.
So I don't have much in the way of actual constructive advice here. In your 20s, people your age are spread to the winds and rarely see one another. That's true for NTs as well as aspies, my very NT brother as case in point. Neither of us have friends anymore, with notable exceptions in both cases, but I remember isolation. He thinks the world is ending because he's going through this and for me it's just a return to high school. In fact, I've come to hate people as a general rule and therefore the isolation has become intentional at some point. If you want to keep playing their game and trying to win, go right ahead, but expect no mercy, no help, no milk of human kindness. From any of them.
-Frank |
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tcorrielus
Toucan
Joined: Jun 30, 2006
Age: 21
Posts: 281
Location: Boston, MA
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 8:47 pm Post subject: |
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| kip wrote: | | Or do volenteer hours at a hospital. You'll find lots of cute nurses to have lunches with. |
I'm currently volunteering at a hospital and would acquaint myself with fellow volunteers and some friendly nurses there. Whenever you meet someone for the first time, it may not be a good idea to rush yourself into asking them out. Just give yourself at least 3 months to both know the person very well and chat with him/her before doing so. |
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