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j2xj2x
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 13, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 316
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 Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 8:53 pm Post subject: Tell me |
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I'm not horrible, or a jerk
I can't be.
People do this to me.
I go mad.
It makes things worse.
I am not dangerous.
If I come across as aggressive, it's their fault, not mine.
Why so many horrible views?
I want to be me. |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 58
Posts: 8075
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 10:27 pm Post subject: Re: Tell me |
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| j2xj2x wrote: | I'm not horrible, or a jerk
I can't be.
People do this to me.
I go mad.
It makes things worse.
I am not dangerous.
If I come across as aggressive, it's their fault, not mine.
Why so many horrible views?
I want to be me. |
how's that working for you?
Merle |
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slowmutant
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 14, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 8734
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 10:34 pm Post subject: |
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| If you come across as aggressive, it isn't your "fault" per se but it IS your responsibility. Just what kind of a person do you wish to be? |
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j2xj2x
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 13, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 316
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| Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 10:41 pm Post subject: |
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I don't harm people, if that's what you think.
I just don't like the way people make me mad then use my reaction against me. |
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slowmutant
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 14, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 8734
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 10:53 pm Post subject: |
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Why is that people make you mad? I suggest you explore this question.
Are you not responsible for your emotional reactions? |
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j2xj2x
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 13, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 316
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| Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 10:59 pm Post subject: |
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How can I possibly plan or control an emotional reaction? It doesn't work, it just happens.
People deliberately argue with me, taunt me, tell me they don't want to ever speak to me and they won't want to listen to what I have to say.
Well, I'd say bullying in general, although sometimes I do go mad at times when most people wouldn't, as I am sensitive about certain things. The problem is, people do it for enjoyement, but when I act in a funny or "aggressive" manner back at them, they use that to justify further hate towards me; and I have only ever been in one fight in my life; I am friendly to people who are friendly to me. |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 58
Posts: 8075
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 1:00 am Post subject: |
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actually an emotion only lasts for about 6 seconds. (no, really, I am not kidding you, only 6 seconds for it to sweep though your body.) If you can keep hold of your self until that emotion passes, you can avoid being swept away with it. The best part of deciding you are not going to go with the emotion is you don't have to clean up after it when it is over.
When I feel that surge, I hold on as hard as I can to rational thought. I concentrate on breathing for 10 whole seconds, telling myself to just hold on and let it blow though me. I remember NOT TO THINK ABOUT THE FEELING OF THE EMOTION while it is happening or I will be swept up in it and then have to beat it back and that is hard work!
Whew! I have dodged many a melt down and hours, days and even decades of cleanup that can happen if you allow your emotions to manage you rather than you managing your emotions. Now I am not the master of this technique, but by golly, it works!
I just wish I had know about all of this when I was 15. What a difference it would had made to my life.
all the best
Merle |
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traveller011212
Velociraptor
Joined: May 27, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 478
Location: Right here!!
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 1:06 am Post subject: |
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That really sucks. It sounds very similar to what I had to suffer through in school from when I started to the middle of high school when I decided to change it. Parents do this all the time with their toddlers so I think you can do it too.
TREAT THEM LIKE A TODDLER (for more on how I visit www.menshealth.com, but that's me)
Treating people like your kids are watching is always advisable. When someone makes you angry, you are allowed to be angry, but you should NEVER act angry. Use 'X makes me Y' statements (when you start arguments with me it makes me feel attacked) when you start to get angry. Bullies get power from controlling how you act and they DO get enjoyment from your reaction. For a few of them, this is all that they want from you. For others this is a way for them to show frustration that you don't joke with them. It really is not fair that you would have to be more mature than these individuals, but that is what it takes, the high road. Laughing the comments off or simply ignoring them (without becoming stony) are some of the best ways of stopping the behavior (also responding in another language or acting confused, like you cannot understand a word they are saying).
Side note: Jocks. Seen as cruel by non-jocks. reality; the biting comments, name calling and physical attacks are how they interact with each other and they have yet to learn other means of communication (okay, some really are jerks, but most are good guys).
What you are going through is really hard to deal with emotionally. I know, because I went through it. Remember that we are on your side.
Also, the assumption that everyone likes you and a perma-smile really help people warm up to you as well. It makes you feel better, causing you to treat people better, causing them to treat you better. |
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j2xj2x
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 13, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 316
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 1:07 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah, those are both very good suggestions, and I can imagine both working for me. I can imaine focusing on breathing too, and I have tried meditating before and I really liked it. I know it's not the same thing, but focusing on something else will help me.
Excellent idea about talking about how I feel rather than expressing with actions how I feel.
Thanks. |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 58
Posts: 8075
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 1:15 pm Post subject: |
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| j2xj2x wrote: | Yeah, those are both very good suggestions, and I can imagine both working for me. I can imaine focusing on breathing too, and I have tried meditating before and I really liked it. I know it's not the same thing, but focusing on something else will help me.
Excellent idea about talking about how I feel rather than expressing with actions how I feel.
Thanks. |
When I was a little kid, I would take my mom or dad or brother by the hand to show them what I wanted or what I meant. I would do things like a play, acting out the motions what I wanted to have done, or do. (i.e. like taking them to the sink and pointing at the water faucet rather than saying 'water' or drink', or later when I wanted to show my father that he thought more of the books in the library than me, I piled the books on the bed and covered them with my blanket. He didn't get it. It was over the years that I learned to say in words what my actions were supposed to convey. I didn't know people had another language than I had, it was very confusing.) |
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j2xj2x
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 13, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 316
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 1:44 pm Post subject: |
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Interesting; my sister says she used to be like that, because she has hfa. Sounds like you have hfa, although I may be wrong.
I am self dx as, and I honestly can't remember how I used to get things I wanted, but I did have the vocabulary of a six year old when I was 2. 
My sister only learnt the words she needed to learn in order to get what she wanted - or so she says, I mean, I trust her. She has an amazing memory and she remembers things that aren't really very important. I remember only certain things like a photograph in my head, and I tend not to remember things that are not about the major subject I am interested in, although if I put my mind to it, I can remember things.
So did you mean to tell your Dad that you weren't keen on books, because he liked them a lot? That's how I interpreted what you wrote.
I can understand why he was confused though. |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 58
Posts: 8075
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 8:59 pm Post subject: |
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| j2xj2x wrote: | Interesting; my sister says she used to be like that, because she has hfa. Sounds like you have hfa, although I may be wrong.
I am self dx as, and I honestly can't remember how I used to get things I wanted, but I did have the vocabulary of a six year old when I was 2.
My sister only learnt the words she needed to learn in order to get what she wanted - or so she says, I mean, I trust her. She has an amazing memory and she remembers things that aren't really very important. I remember only certain things like a photograph in my head, and I tend not to remember things that are not about the major subject I am interested in, although if I put my mind to it, I can remember things.
So did you mean to tell your Dad that you weren't keen on books, because he liked them a lot? That's how I interpreted what you wrote.
I can understand why he was confused though. |
I loved the books. He yelled at me to put up the books and go to bed, he did not tuck me in, either. I wanted him to know I thought he thought more about the books than me. He didn't though, just thought I was stupid and didn't realize to put the books on the shelves and me in the bed. Nobody ever diagnosed me with anything than being a selfish rotten kid that they could not wait until I left home.
Merle |
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j2xj2x
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 13, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 316
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 9:43 pm Post subject: |
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| That's pretty clever! I am guessing you have quite a sense of humour. |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 58
Posts: 8075
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 1:51 am Post subject: |
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| j2xj2x wrote: | | That's pretty clever! I am guessing you have quite a sense of humour. |
yeah, I'm that guy in the dark of the theatre that laughs hilariously when all around are quiet. I never know if I get the joke or just think I do.
I do see a lot of irony in the world, though. It keeps me sane.
Merle
_________________
I freed thousands of slaves; I could have freed more if they knew they were slaves.
-Harriet Tubman |
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