I am just frazzled today

jennthered · Hummingbird Joined: Dec 12, 2005 Posts: 22

Is it ok if I talk about my non-AS child? I know some of the AS people here also had ODD so maybe they will have some insight to this as well. I am just so tired, ya know? Its like we do everything every therapist says, use every med, get the school to do exactly what they should and he just does not respond. He is hateful. He is ugly. He truly, no exaggerating here, appreciates NOTHING. His life is basically a "what can YOU do for ME" today thing and if you don't do exactly what HE wants then you're dirt to him and get treated like it. Its like dealing with a 2yo - which I happen to have a 2yo as well, and the 2yo is nicer to me and more reasonable than ODD 10yo. I don't expect him to agree with everything I say, be my slave, etc. He can have his feelings. I just am tired of being called names (stupid, retard, etc), told he's going to shove so and so up my nose when he's finally big enough to take me (which will eventually happen). I'm tired of the CONSTANT lying (if he tells me the sky is blue I have to double check, its that bad) and attempts to create power struggles. It seems like no matter how much we try to eliminate them and give him open choices with natural consequences he tries to find a way to turn it upside down and make the struggle between us anyway. He hates any form of work on his part and spends so much time trying to circumvent it that if he'd have just done it in the first place he would have already gotten what he was trying to get LONG before he gets it doing it the circumvention way.

We are consistent. We have in-home therapy, case managers galore, good teachers, etc. I just don't know what else to do. Today when he threatened me I took the one present that I had gotten for him myself without his dad out from under the tree and told him I was donating it to a child whose parents were poor and couldn't give him much of anything, but treated their parents with decency anyway - that child DESERVED IT, NOT HIM - that there was no way in heck I was going to reward him when he treats me so badly. That does not mean I'm taking away Christmas. He will still have his other presents, but NOT this one.

I just hate this situation. He has an older brother (17) who we have already lost. He also has ODD. (BTW their bio-mom is a drug addict - I'm sure that's relevant) He stopped living with us after he tried to attack my DH and then pulled a knife on his grandmother. (Egads! Do I sound like some talk show yet?) I did not want to lose this one as well, but I don't see it going any other way. When this child becomes big enough that I cannot adequately defend myself I will live everyday in fear. I cannot do that. I promised God that I would try to help this child. I said I would not give up. I don't want to give up. I just don't know what else to do. Dealing with him makes me feel like an awful person. You can't do anything nice for him. He sees your kindness as weakness - so you remain distant for fear of your love being used against you yet again. That's no way to live with a child.

Sorry so long. I am very sad today. What a post for you guys to see from a newbie! I'm so sorry. My AS child's comment to me was "I don't know why he (10yo) keeps acting like such an idiot." The AS one is the one that has best adjusted over the years. I never thought that would be the case, he was the "slow" one, but there it is. His IQ is on the lower end of average, so my AS 14yo is not the so called "genius" that the 2 ODD kids are with their high IQs and brainpower, but my AS one is the ONLY ONE who gets real life and adjusts to it. It might be a slower adjustment than an NT person might have and his perspective can be truly unique, but BY GOSH he adjusts! I really appreciate that. So there's my ending on a positive note!! :p Any chocolate offering you might have are appreciated. Smile