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Jainaday
in uncertain taste
Joined: Jul 09, 2007
Age: 23
Posts: 1301
Location: in the They
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 Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 5:08 am Post subject: |
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If it's always clear when she's lying, that's really more of storytelling. .
perhaps the best thing would be to find an age appropriate storytelling workshop. If it becomes a skill, she can indulge her imagination, recieve positive attention, and learn when not to as well. |
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hale_bopp
Ruffle some Feathers
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 23
Posts: 6050
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 6:15 am Post subject: |
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| Pandora wrote: | | I don't believe 5 year olds really understand the concept of lying. |
Oh, trust me, they do.
I baby sit a couple of kids, and worse liars I've never come across. The girl is 6 and she knows very well what she's doing. It's going to come to the point where I'm not going to let them do anything or give them treats if they keep lying. |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2242
Location: new england
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 6:31 am Post subject: |
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| Take advantage of her creativity ! .........as she is so young, maybe see about getting her a tape recorder/recording device....she could record her thoughts & then listen to them & go back & embellish them- who knows, maybe she'll be an author some day ! |
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2ukenkerl
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 20, 2007
Posts: 4375
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 6:34 am Post subject: |
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| trialanderror, Actually, from what I understand, it is very UNUSUAL for someone with AS to do that. Some even figure AS people have no imagination and the like because of the dearth of such things. |
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Triangular_Trees
What is right is sometimes found on the left.
Joined: Jul 18, 2007
Posts: 1720
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 10:32 am Post subject: |
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| 2ukenkerl wrote: | | trialanderror, Actually, from what I understand, it is very UNUSUAL for someone with AS to do that. Some even figure AS people have no imagination and the like because of the dearth of such things. |
The reason aspies don't is because they are primarily focused on their interest. Its entirely possible that this child's interest is fantasy |
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Tortuga
Velociraptor
Joined: Dec 12, 2007
Posts: 440
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 12:00 pm Post subject: |
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Are you sure she's not trying to be funny? My son used to tell tall tales at that age to get a laugh.
If she is lying, you can consider it a good sign (in a way). My son can't lie very well at all. He might say something that's not true, but all you have to do is ask if he's lying and he will answer that one truthfully. He doesn't know a way out if you confront him about lying. |
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2ukenkerl
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 20, 2007
Posts: 4375
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 4:43 pm Post subject: |
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| hale_bopp wrote: | | Pandora wrote: | | I don't believe 5 year olds really understand the concept of lying. |
Oh, trust me, they do.
I baby sit a couple of kids, and worse liars I've never come across. The girl is 6 and she knows very well what she's doing. It's going to come to the point where I'm not going to let them do anything or give them treats if they keep lying. |
I never did understand how "ADULTS" could honestly believe that kids don't know right from wrong, or lie from truth. I ALWAYS DID! |
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catspurr
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 16, 2008
Posts: 781
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 5:11 pm Post subject: |
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| 2ukenkerl wrote: | | trialanderror, Actually, from what I understand, it is very UNUSUAL for someone with AS to do that. Some even figure AS people have no imagination and the like because of the dearth of such things. |
I was thinking that too but then again there are circumstances where it can happen and it can be a very AS response to what is going on around the person. Taking a situation to the extreme to where that's all they do for now on.
It's also building up her creativity but she just needs to find the middle switch. |
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Pandora
Cat Lady
Joined: Jun 18, 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 4684
Location: Townsville
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| Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 6:05 am Post subject: |
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| 2ukenkerl wrote: | | hale_bopp wrote: | | Pandora wrote: | | I don't believe 5 year olds really understand the concept of lying. |
Oh, trust me, they do.
I baby sit a couple of kids, and worse liars I've never come across. The girl is 6 and she knows very well what she's doing. It's going to come to the point where I'm not going to let them do anything or give them treats if they keep lying. |
I never did understand how "ADULTS" could honestly believe that kids don't know right from wrong, or lie from truth. I ALWAYS DID! |
Depends on the child really. I just don't consider telling tall tales to be the same as lying.
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Triangular_Trees
What is right is sometimes found on the left.
Joined: Jul 18, 2007
Posts: 1720
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| Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 12:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Pandora wrote: | | 2ukenkerl wrote: | | hale_bopp wrote: | | Pandora wrote: | | I don't believe 5 year olds really understand the concept of lying. |
Oh, trust me, they do.
I baby sit a couple of kids, and worse liars I've never come across. The girl is 6 and she knows very well what she's doing. It's going to come to the point where I'm not going to let them do anything or give them treats if they keep lying. |
I never did understand how "ADULTS" could honestly believe that kids don't know right from wrong, or lie from truth. I ALWAYS DID! |
Depends on the child really. I just don't consider telling tall tales to be the same as lying. |
If you didn't know the truth from lies than you wouldn't know that you didn't know the truth from lies, even if you thought you did  |
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2ukenkerl
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 20, 2007
Posts: 4375
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| Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 7:23 pm Post subject: |
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| Pandora wrote: | | 2ukenkerl wrote: | | hale_bopp wrote: | | Pandora wrote: | | I don't believe 5 year olds really understand the concept of lying. |
Oh, trust me, they do.
I baby sit a couple of kids, and worse liars I've never come across. The girl is 6 and she knows very well what she's doing. It's going to come to the point where I'm not going to let them do anything or give them treats if they keep lying. |
I never did understand how "ADULTS" could honestly believe that kids don't know right from wrong, or lie from truth. I ALWAYS DID! |
Depends on the child really. I just don't consider telling tall tales to be the same as lying. |
You're right there! Lying is telling an untruth with the intent that it be believed to achieve a certain end. If it is a jok, or a story, it isn't a lie, even if it is the same sequence of sounds. |
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2ukenkerl
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 20, 2007
Posts: 4375
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| Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 7:27 pm Post subject: |
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| Triangular_Trees wrote: | | Pandora wrote: | | 2ukenkerl wrote: | | hale_bopp wrote: | | Pandora wrote: | | I don't believe 5 year olds really understand the concept of lying. |
Oh, trust me, they do.
I baby sit a couple of kids, and worse liars I've never come across. The girl is 6 and she knows very well what she's doing. It's going to come to the point where I'm not going to let them do anything or give them treats if they keep lying. |
I never did understand how "ADULTS" could honestly believe that kids don't know right from wrong, or lie from truth. I ALWAYS DID! |
Depends on the child really. I just don't consider telling tall tales to be the same as lying. |
If you didn't know the truth from lies than you wouldn't know that you didn't know the truth from lies, even if you thought you did |
I used to know where every bit of info I knew came from. I didn't say something if I didn't know it. Eve today I sometimes STILL say things like "They say" or "It seems" or "when I have done it" or "It is likely that".... |
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trialanderror
Blue Jay
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 83
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| Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 10:35 pm Post subject: |
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I had to write. I can't believe how well it is going already. I tried out a couple of things that we talked about. I talked to her and found that her stories are mainly because she likes them. She tells the occasional to get out of trouble, but what 5yo doesn't? She tells stories also because if they are big than she is important. It is a way to show that she is a big kid too. And I think it is because she is always made to be the baby when my kids play house and she is still in pull ups at night. SHe talked about that alot when I inquired about all this. She doesn't like feeling like a baby and she told me that I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone about them (forgive me now). I never would have pegged it there.
Also, she DID need and outlet for her creativity! I figured that since she was tired of being a baby, I would help her feel more grown up by getting a play kitchen for her. SHe loves to help in the kitchen but is very reserved because she understands that she can hurt herself (thankfully this is the danger thing she does get). So I took her thrift shopping and we found a little table that looks exactly like a kithchen island. we bought a bowl and we are going to build it into a sink and such. SHe is so excited to get her kitchen in her room and we bought a ton of plastic utensils that she doesn't need me for. She has only told 4 maybe 5 stories today! That's incredible! Seriously! I made a comment that stories are great and that I love that she can come up with so many interesting ways to look at things. Just remember that when we talk about things that people NEED to know, we need to tell the real story so they don't get confused. I think it helped to make a distinction. All of it together I think is what is helping. WOW! So excited!!!!!! |
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krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 44
Posts: 4973
Location: Village of the Damned
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| Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 3:36 pm Post subject: |
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Thats really great news. How hard/easy was it to talk to her about what was going on ? I know I often had a hard time verbalizong what was going on with me internally when I was that age. My parents rarely asked why I acted/felt/thought about something a certain way but even if they had I think I would have had a hard time telling them...."I don't want to wear this because it hurts my skin or the color hurts my eyes."
The few times I did try and explain... like I can't eat certain foods because it feels like vomit in my mouth(apple sauce, cottage cheese), it would become a family "joke" and openly expressed what a "weirdo" I was.
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trialanderror
Blue Jay
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 83
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 12:24 am Post subject: |
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| A lot easier than I thought,honestly. She did get a bit cryptic but that is how she always talks. Even her honesty (as rare as it is) is in parables. SHe was in the middle of telling me a story about how some crazy thing caused her to do what she did ( I think it was stealing a toy) and I listened to the whole sorted thing. After I asked her if she was sure that was what really happened and she began to tell me another completely different far out tale. I stopped her and simply said that when I ask her to tell em something that happened, it is really important that I know the real story. I need to know what is there "for real" (her favorite phrase) so taht I can take care of things. SHe just sat there looking at me and I took the opportunity to ask her why she tells such big stories. She said she didn't know. I asked her if she thought I was going to get mad at her and she said no. Then I asked did she like the stories. SHe said they are neat and fun. I mentioned her reaction a few minutes before when her sister blamed something on her that wasn't true and how it made her feel. That was when she said her stories were because they made her big and made her know everything. It was relaly important to her that she knew everything even if it wasn't reality. SHe wasn't interested in learning facts because as far as she was concerned she would make them up to suit her. Then she began to talk about being a big kid and that she didn't like to be the baby when playing house anymore. She talked about her pullups and that she didn't know why she couldn't get to the potty at night. She didn't want me to know she was having problems with so many accidents and that is why she didn't tell me she needed her sheets changed (it turned into a confession session). Then she said I wasn't allowed to tell anyone in the family about her pullups. She showed her need for independance so strongly and I realized that it was partly my fault because I keep my thumb on her quite a lot. It was just a matter of decoding her replies. She opened up a lot when she realized that I was listening and not just hearing as well as trying to understand by discussing my intepretation of what she said. That was key. |
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