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j2xj2x
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 13, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 300
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 Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 7:24 pm Post subject: Awareness |
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It's been really bugging me lately, because I am becoming aware of the way I act; the strange things I do and say.
Sometimes when I suddenly stop half - way and realise what I am doing, it makes me annoyed because I feel like... why should I stop!? I think I shouldn't stop because that's the way I am, yet, should I? It's so confusing. This happens occasionally, but something else happens more frequently:
When I'm talking I will constantly be thinking about the whole, eye contact thing, and I just don't know what to do. I cannot remember whether, in the past, I used to look at people a lot, so I don't know, I'm confused.
I've always been odd, or eccentric, but in the past couple of years, my attitudes have been changing, more towards the aspergers side of things. There are certain ways I act, which are not like how they used to be as well. |
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MissConstrue
Aquarius
Joined: Feb 05, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 10862
Location: Anywhere but HERE!
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 11:58 pm Post subject: |
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I feel the same exact way except I've gotten over the problem with eye contact. You're probably more aware of it then you were?
I know since I joined this site I've become more aware of what I'm doing which in some ways is good and other ways bad. I've found people even without AS obsess over their quirks. It's hard but sometimes you just have to accept some of things that make you for who you are. On the other hand, it's also good to be aware of some of this. I know that I used to get angry when no one would listen to what I had to say. After learning more about AS, and asking some certain questions with to people I could trust, I realized that most of my problems with discussions were a bit one-sided. I struggle with conversing to other people when it comes to topics. I find that my responses turn into what is of importance to me rather than relating or relaying in a direct response to them. Probably makes it harder for that other person to reply since they are talking about something that isn't of great importance. The scariest for me is just the small chats and I find that strange.
Problems with eye contact and words are probably something you can't change completely but practice. It's better to accept some things about yourself rather than conforming to what is "socially normal." I feel exactly the same way. I've become more aware of my "oddities" than I have before I joined this site. I was diagnosed a little late in life. So I thought in some ways I was just speacial since that's what my mom would say.
It can be a struggle for most aspies to express a thought or feeling through external cues such as talking and body language for the primary purpose to cue another in on what your feeling. LOL, and some people just take these simple cues for granted.
I try to look at it not as a handicapped but like the quirks everyone else has of their own. And there are people without AS who do have flaws of their own.
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Oh you can't help that. We're all mad here.
__Cheshire the Cat
6thSin:Envy |
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Jude
Emu Egg
Joined: Feb 29, 2008
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 8:36 am Post subject: |
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The whole eye contact thing I have always had trouble with. When I was little I was considered just "shy" because I had long hair and bangs and I would keep my head down and hide underneath my mop of hair whenever some one was talking to me.
Even today, as an adult with AS, I find some eye contact threatening. I'm okay making eye contact with my Dad and a few close friends, but if it's someone I don't know very well, I find prolonged eye contact unbearable and stressful.
and then there are times when I just forget to look at people. |
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j2xj2x
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 13, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 300
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| Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 7:39 pm Post subject: |
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@ Missconstrue:
Yes, I have tantrums when people won't listen to me. I shout and act a little bit aggressive. I was speaking to my Mum the other day, and we were discussing how she always got depressed whenever any adnormalities were expressed by the teachers in the past - which was often, and she wanted me to be normal, so she was constantly mothering me and cuddling me and stuff. It's because my sister was Autistic, and my brother went through some troubles, although no mental disorders. She wanted me to be perfect.
Anyway, she finally knows that I am not a normal person, and she is now more aware than ever, that her husband, my Dad, probably has aspergers.
She was telling me how I don't hold normal conversation. You were saying things were one-sided for you; same for me, I can't talk normally. I also asked her about my voice, and she says I have a monotone voice.
As usual, my sister would be trying to interrupt to talk about herself every few seconds, drowning me out, and I would be background noise. I would get angry. My Mum and Dad apologised for not listening to me. Even when she is not around, they have trouble paying attention to me.
I am more aware of my problems than I used to be, but the consequences of my problems have never changed, I just never knew about my problems because a lot of the people around me never told me about them. Well, maybe they wouldn't need to tell me about my problems, when they could just bully me.
I am not very good at hiding my emotions, so it isn't a case of trying to express them, they simply just come out. I have been told that it is always very obvious how I am feeling.
@Jude
Sometimes people think I am standoff-ish. |
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