Diagnosing my Boyfriend

Willhelmina · Emu Egg Joined: Jun 18, 2008 Posts: 4

Hi I am new to this site. I am NT and I think my boyfriend is somewhere on the spectrum. I began to really think so when he said (typed) once to me on I.M., that "I didnt understand, sometimes its hard for him to look at people" maybe he said in the eye or look at peoples eyes something like that and it was said in response to his being fairly withdrawn that day, those days, that week. A bell went off in my head and I remembered a research paper I did regarding "gaze avoidance".

The rest of his symptoms fell into place, he speaks to me almost exclusively on IM, email or texts. He sometimes is very matter of fact, like he thinks "thats just the way it is and I should be able to say so point blank and it be ok - why should that impact anyone else". He is VERY VERY into sports and sex and fitness. I would say almost obsessed with sports and sex, almost. He once admitted to me that he asked his doctor if his level of desire for sex was normal. When we have been in the car together for 30 to 45 minute rides (which is rare usually only necessary trips airport, ride to work when car broken down) there could be zero talking. Once I said "you didnt even talk to me all the way home", he said "I didn't know you wanted to". When I try to look at his face/eyes up close it is like a magnetic force field in reverse, his face always veers away from me and he VERY RARELY looks into my eyes not even during sex. He said to me once when we first met something about if he feels jealous that is how he knows he is in love, as if how he felt would be no indication. I also noticed one time he had a pile of books from the library all on how to make small chat, etc.

The gaze avoidance and lack of verbal communication are the biggest indications I have. Last night we were standing up talking and he was physically turned almost totally away from (but only half way) and the gaze avoidance was so obvious to me. And at that moment it hit me, he really REALLY has Aspergers or something. I just knew it. Now I let other thoughts creep in and I am not as positive. So much of his behavior is easy to attribute to him not liking me so its hard to rise above and believe he does like me but that he behaves in these ways because he is different. I also question my "diagnosis" because he seemed to interact more with other women in his past than he does with me. We have been seeing each other for 8 years. I mentioned Aspergers to him a couple times (usually as in "I used to think you had a communication issue and thats why i was ok with your behavior but I see you've been talkign to "Sally" every single day). I have come right out and asked if he has it and he says no. I think he has a widows peak as well -- for some reason I thought I recalled that being a feature of people on the spectrum, but now cant find reference to it online (and I only think it cause I think he shaves it so I never see it if I am right).

I guess i am questioning is he on the spectrum or is he just not that into me except for sex. There I said it. Thoughts? (thank you so much for reading and possibly answering)