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Mutanatia
Toucan
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 294
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 Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 5:11 pm Post subject: I can't make my brother happy :'( |
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I feel so bad about this..I didn't even do anything today! :'(
Basically, I was outside, helping my mom, when I told my brother (who I was helping) that I needed to go check with my mom as to whether I was planting the plants correctly. My brother then said "You don't have to go to mom for everything." I said I'd rather check with mom because mom's opinion is the only one that matters (because I don't want her getting "mad" (talking loudly or driving it into my head that I did something wrong) at me).
He then said "Ok, fine, I quit." I'm not good at digging the holes he was digging outside, so I was left by myself. So I told him I would tell mom that he didn't finish the job. He laughed rather rudely at me and said "ok, fine, I quit."
I can't make my brother happy at all! I don't know why he doesn't want me going to mom to check things out! I don't understand why I can't do anything right that pleases him to any effect, or why he picks on my or is rude to me all the time.
This is a seris of two things that happened in a row. I had a crying fit, and mom accused me of "whining." I just can't seem to do anything right by him  |
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Fnord
Metasyntactic Variable
Joined: May 07, 2008
Posts: 2253
Location: Pantopia
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 5:29 pm Post subject: |
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Wow. Been there. 
What I learned from my experiences:
1) You are not responsible for making your brother happy - he is. No one is responsible for anyone else's feelings. (if anyone wants to tell me that I'm wrong, then they are welcome to prove it by being responsible for my feelings!)
2) No matter what you do, no matter what you say, someone is going to find something wrong with it; especially when you are right! It is right to verify the results of one's work, but only if you do so with the person who gave you your orders.
3) Never put yourself in the middle of a conflict between two others (your mom and brother, f'rinstance). You will only become a pawn for one, and a punching bag for the other - and then they'll trade places on you without warning.
4) You are not responsible for your brother's actions - only your own. He is responsible for his own actions - not yours. Just do the best you can and let him create his own Hell.
5) Sooner or later, it will all be over, and you can then go off and live your own life without being tormented by cruel relatives. Plan and prepare for that day. Pack away a "drop-and-run" kit of clothes, money, hygeine materials, cosmetics, and survival food (dried fruit, nuts, medicine, et cetera) - make sure it is no heavier than you can carry.
6) Your life can get better for you, but you have to be the one to make your life better. Nobody else can do that for you, and most won't be willing to try.
_________________
a. Science is the vast graveyard into which all irrational beliefs are eventually laid to rest.
b. Faith is irrational belief in improvable concepts.
:: Science buries Faith. |
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Mutanatia
Toucan
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 294
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 6:30 pm Post subject: |
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And then...just like that...he turns off and wants to play a game with me...I'm very confused. Like when I'm mad at someone, I stay mad for a long time. They're not cruel...it's just that lately I've been feeling like I haven't done anything right. Sometimes when I'm helping around the house, I still am missing something...it's a mess...but they are my family...
My dad seems to understand more so than my brother and mother.
Are you suggesting I run away, or...? |
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Fnord
Metasyntactic Variable
Joined: May 07, 2008
Posts: 2253
Location: Pantopia
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 7:49 pm Post subject: |
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| Mutanatia wrote: | | Are you suggesting I run away, or...? |
No.
I am suggesting that you begin to plan and prepare now for the inevitable departure.
_________________
a. Science is the vast graveyard into which all irrational beliefs are eventually laid to rest.
b. Faith is irrational belief in improvable concepts.
:: Science buries Faith. |
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krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 44
Posts: 4973
Location: Village of the Damned
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 8:02 pm Post subject: |
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I don't know. I had the same problem with my brother. It did hurt my feelings because I always tried to be nice and he always hated me. I don't think there is anything you can do about it, you are probably a safe person for him to pick on, so he does. My brother still hates me, I still don't know why but I finally realized that it isn't me but him so I don't worry about it like I did when I was younger, (I'm 44 now and he still wont talk to me). Some people are just "that way". Maybe yours will out grow it but I wouldn't waste to much time worrying about it because there isn't anything you can do to change who he is.
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WallpaperChameleon
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 18, 2008
Posts: 34
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 10:31 pm Post subject: |
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I came in this thread to say that no one is responsible for making any one else happy, but I see that base has already been covered. : )
I'm awful at getting along with family, so I have no other advice for you. Sorry. |
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Ben_Shapiro
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 12, 2008
Posts: 32
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| Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 8:12 am Post subject: |
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| I get the same problem even in my earliest memories, i am 15 now and basically the earliest memories that make sense are nursery (3-5), i can remember playing alone and my two brothers playing together, it has just always been that way, i dont understand why, one is older and one is younger than me and I just cant make a link with either, i dont mind so much anymore but I used to be quite upset that I could never join in their games. |
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