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annie2
Toucan
Joined: Sep 18, 2007
Posts: 271
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 Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 2:56 am Post subject: Does loosening the "rules" at school work? |
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| Just interested in whether people think it would help my 8 yr old son not to have so many meltdowns at school if the rules were relaxed? I think it may help short-term, but would he get too used to this and it make it harder to eventually try and get him back working under the same terms as the rest of the class. By relaxing rules I mean perhaps letting him spend time on the computer or in the playground if he seems like he is losing focus. It would save "forcing" him out of a meltdown. But would it backfire and have him spend the majority of the rest of his schooling doing "opt out" stuff, and not bothering to make much effort on what he's there for. I should say that he has had 3 years of going fairly ok at school, but the last 6-7 weeks have been diabolicle. We just need to find ways of easing him through this rough patch. Any comments welcome. |
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flowergal
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jun 13, 2008
Age: 37
Posts: 58
Location: Peaceful Countryside, USA
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 5:22 am Post subject: |
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Hi there, I am new to the ASD stuff, but I guess I would first question if it is the rules that are actually making him meltdown and if that is the case, it can't hurt to talk to the teacher about it. I have heard the emotional symptoms of AS can come and go and could this be something of a 'flare-up?' Or, if it just began happening did something occur in school or the classroom that is setting him off? Did the teacher change a routine? Is there a new seating arrangement? Is there a new student in the class or a student teacher? Seems to me something could be amiss in the classroom possibly....esp if all of a sudden after 3 years of it all being okay it suddenly isn't? I guess I would talk to the teacher and see if the teacher can shed some light on any recent changes or if something happened in the classroom like with another child or something. Talk to your son too, when he is calm. My best conversations with my son about things bothering him are when we are both calm and playing with playdoh. I get info from my daughter by role playing with toys and just listening to what she says. I know we have meltdowns in our family with our 2 possible AS kids when major and minor changes happen and I just wonder if that isn't what is happening? Does he get therapy or any psych help in school? It may help to talk to someone like the school social worker, if your school has one....and if they understand ASD? Hang in there, I am sure you'll figure it out. 
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catspurr
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 16, 2008
Posts: 781
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 5:26 am Post subject: |
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If it's a new occurance, is he being treated okay at school?
Problem with computer is, if you try to pull him away, you may witness a meltdown.
Not sure if your child is lfa, hfa or aspie.
If your child can write and has difficulty expressing emotions to you, you two can go to the store and tell him to pick out a journal or you can pick out one for him and bring it home. Tell him you want him to write down things that go on in school.
Also encourage him to write down feelings and thoughts for you to read.
Creative outlets are good too.
If you find that your child has something that he does to cope like remembering phone numbers, license plate numbers or perhaps listening to music, encourage a chill out time after school.
Computer is okay for when after school work is complete.
Transitioning is difficult. flat out talk about befores and afters. Before this occurs, you must do this. After you do that, you can now do this.
You may hear "Why?"
Never say "because I told you so". It will go one ear out the other.
Mention priorities and their importance. Become a source of non-vague information. |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2205
Location: new england
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 6:41 am Post subject: |
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| i wouldn't necessarily call it loosening the rules- more like making accomodations for him.............and yes, i do think it's important that the school makes necessary accomodations for him- you'll have to work with the school on determining what necessary accomodations are, and whether or not his behavior is related to overstimulation or task avoidance. |
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annotated_alice
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 26, 2008
Posts: 131
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 4:00 pm Post subject: |
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| ster wrote: | | you'll have to work with the school on determining what necessary accomodations are, and whether or not his behavior is related to overstimulation or task avoidance. |
And there's the rub. I totally agree, but gosh is it hard to determine which is which sometimes...although, as I've been discovering in the last few months, remove or reduce the overstimulation and the task avoidance becomes less and less of a problem all around. I got a phone call from L's teacher last night, just raving about how well he is doing at school lately and marvelling at how much happier he is. She said he actually laughed at school yesterday, big happy belly laughs. She wanted to know what we were doing differently at home, and it was my turn to laugh.  We aren't doing anything differently, she is. Ever since we found out about the AS, she has adjusted her teaching style, expectations and even her attitude slightly (she has always been really nice, but there was a slight undercurrent of "is he just being lazy or stubborn or difficult?" and "are you doing something wrong as parents?", which is now completely gone). And of course he is flourishing with some accommodations finally in place.
So I guess I'm saying yes, relax those rules and then maybe task avoidance won't even be an issue. |
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picklejah
Butterfly
Joined: May 03, 2008
Posts: 15
Location: New England
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 10:12 pm Post subject: Re: Does loosening the "rules" at school work? |
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| annie2 wrote: | | Just interested in whether people think it would help my 8 yr old son not to have so many meltdowns at school if the rules were relaxed? I think it may help short-term, but would he get too used to this and it make it harder to eventually try and get him back working under the same terms as the rest of the class. By relaxing rules I mean perhaps letting him spend time on the computer or in the playground if he seems like he is losing focus. It would save "forcing" him out of a meltdown. But would it backfire and have him spend the majority of the rest of his schooling doing "opt out" stuff, and not bothering to make much effort on what he's there for. I should say that he has had 3 years of going fairly ok at school, but the last 6-7 weeks have been diabolicle. We just need to find ways of easing him through this rough patch. Any comments welcome. |
Can you give some insight as to what may be causing the meltdowns??
~Sensory Overload (noise, sounds, clothing, hot weather, lights, etc)
~Task Avoidance (work gets too hard, aborts, meltdown)
Some things they do with my son (just turned 9, Asperger's):
~Let him skip down the hall and back
~Be office messenger (feels important, gets away for a short span of time)
~Break up the work (i.e. if there are three pages of math to complete, after one page is completed he brings it up to the teacher. She corrects it and goes over anything with him if needed. Then he goes back to his desk to finish the NEXT page.)
~I made a worksheet for my son to fill out when he gets really upset. They have used it at school and it helps re-direct him. The teacher fills out the "What Happened" area. Then he has to fill out the next boxes of WHY he thinks it happened. Three solutions he could choose next time. The best solution and why. This helps him figure out his emotions, gets his frustrations out, helps with solution tasks, and best of all - it redirects him in a positive way.
I think if you "loosen the rules" too much, he may get used to the idea that "hey --- I can get a break and get to play on the computer if I have a meltdown!" --- and that's not good. |
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annie2
Toucan
Joined: Sep 18, 2007
Posts: 271
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 12:06 am Post subject: |
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Thanks for the feedback everyone. Regarding what is causing the meltdowns, I didn't write too much information on that as I have written about it in some other threads (and didn't want to bore everyone all over again). It is a case of "maybe this?, maybe that?" . . . but not quite being able to put our finger on it. That is kind of why I am asking about relaxing the rules a little so it gives him some relief, while we get to the bottom of what is going on.
One of the things I wonder about is that there has been a student teacher in the class for most of the time he has been acting like this. He likes her taking the class, but I am wondering if the change in class dynamics (having two teachers in the room) is part of the problem - maybe he gets confused or finds this claustrophobic? Also, the teacher has been implementing some strategies she has been advised of by Autism Support Services. One of them is that he has a 5-minute calm down time in another room before each session of school starts. My son has just told me today that he doesn't like this because it doesn't calm him down. Dunno exactly what it is, but something in the environment seems to be upsetting (he is pretty ok at home).
Picklejah, I was interested in you talking about a sheet you have made to help your son work through difficulties. I would be interested in hearing more about what's involved, as I am thinking about trying to develop something similar. |
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Tortuga
Velociraptor
Joined: Dec 12, 2007
Posts: 438
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 12:54 pm Post subject: |
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They tried a variety of things with my son in public school. He had a relaxation chair, voluntary trips to the timeout room, heavy work (like wiping down table surfaces...which he liked at the time), walks down the hall, and they even used him as a distraction for a kid with Downs Syndrome...who wasn't in my son's class, but was in the same grade.
Nothing worked. His day was full of distractions and I realized that his academics plunged!!! He had emerging reading skills that disappeared in the 2nd grade and that's when I pulled him to homeschool.
The behaviors he had at school are not things that would prevent him from learning at home. For example, if he sits in his chair at home and makes beeping noises, it doesn't bother me and he can continue working on his math sheet and there is no trip to the relaxation chair. He finishes the math sheet while making audible noises. Those aren't things he could do at public school because he would have been disturbing the other kids. |
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nlj
Hummingbird
Joined: Jun 23, 2008
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 2:17 pm Post subject: |
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From your description, it doesn't sound like it's the rules to me.
It sounds like something changed 6-7 weeks ago and he's having a hard time adjusting. Perhaps he's got a new bully or a new subject he doesn't like.
I would find out what happened and then teach him how to deal with it. But if the rules have been consistent, changing them might only bring more diabolical-ness. |
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Endersdragon
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 14, 2005
Posts: 1666
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| Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 10:21 pm Post subject: |
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In many cases relaxing rules can help. Many special needs kids (probably your LG included) break so many small stupid little rules that its constant negativity and try as you might unless you compliment every last little thing (which gets old once you reach the age of 5 or so) you can't find that many excuses to be positive. So what ends up happening is just negative negative negative... which YEA! that can lead to breakdowns. Try it and see what happens  .
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