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Emoal6
Sea Gull
Joined: May 16, 2006
Age: 23
Posts: 206
Location: phoenix AZ
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 Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 3:29 pm Post subject: |
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Oh yeah, and you even state yourself the boy is five, he cant possibly understand certain things(like wasting resources), but he should understand what YOU WANT HIM TO. You contradict yourself so many times. And for your information, If I didnt fracture my neck in the air force, Id be a staff sargeant by now. I was that good at my job, I aced tech school. I always had the best uniform and did my best to "STAY IN LINE".
Then my back and neck deprecciated due to my own physical adversities. They didnt do anything to help me(instead punished) so I left, HONORABLY, WITH AN HONORABLE DISCHARGE. HONOR, something you seem not to know of or understand. Integrity, EXCELLENCE IN ALL WE DO. IVE BEEN TRAINED WITH THE BEST OF RHETORIC. It does no good if you cant use it the way they want you too! If you cant fit societies definition for correct.
If you cant meet thier standards, uncle sam doesnt care. Well you seem like aunt chilada, she doesnt really care either, and has that same "just do what I tell you", just with a "latin temper"(they beat thier kids in latin countries, still acceptable). You have the love of an aunt, not a mother, and its considerably noticeable. you lack concern for you child's state of mind, because you're at "your wits end". Great excuse, children deserve that, right. |
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Geesmom
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 01, 2008
Posts: 34
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| Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 4:07 pm Post subject: |
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Poor, poor emo. I truly hope you get the help you need.
{{{{HUGS}}}}
Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you.  |
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Emoal6
Sea Gull
Joined: May 16, 2006
Age: 23
Posts: 206
Location: phoenix AZ
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| Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 7:19 pm Post subject: |
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| Geesmom, you're never gonna understand your child! You just dont want to. I've given you the likely scenario you will see. Im washing the blood from my hands, but your child might not do the same. He may decide to do worse than I ever did, and you dont get the pleasure of having that information. I wish you luck as I bite my thumb, you serf of a human being. |
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gbollard
the oncoming storm
Joined: Oct 06, 2007
Age: 39
Posts: 2948
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:55 am Post subject: |
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Another emoal6 rant... well, my mouse has a scroll...
anyway..
| Geesmom wrote: | | ....I'm curious, how old are your children? I ask because my 5 year old has trouble with abstract requests or thought processes. This would be an abstract request to him. |
Yes, quite right, aspies do have a lot of trouble with abstract requests at 5 but now is the time to start. Believe it or not, he may not understand it but he will take your explanations onboard so long at they're not too long. Eventually he'll start to get them and he'll have all those "remembered" abstract thoughts to fall back on.
My children are 7.5 and 4.5, the youngest isn't getting most abstract things but every now and then he'll requote me on something abstract that I said previously (like weeks previously). The point is that they take these things onboard and remember them. They analyze them for weeks (really) and eventually the message sinks in.
_________________
Gavin.
http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/ |
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Pandora
Cat Lady
Joined: Jun 18, 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 4684
Location: Townsville
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 11:42 am Post subject: |
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| Geesmom wrote: | | Pandora wrote: | | I'd also suggest not springing changes unexpectedly on your lad unless there is absolutely no alternative because I detect a note of punitiveness that isn't too pleasant. |
Uh, huh. Yep...because I declined the bag to make my baby miserable. You got me!
May I ask, how do you manage to thwart all disappointment in YOUR own children? Did your infant never cry, not even once, were you just that good? Now, that's the kind of secret magic bullet you should be sharing with the rest of us! |
Well, you could have warned him you weren't going to take a bag. I'm not saying I was perfect as a mother. I breastfed on demand and probably could have been a bit stricter in some ways but I don't believe in getting into huge numbers of fights with a child.
It just seemed to me that you were more worried about your other son and your convenience than about your aspie son's feelings. He would have understood if you told him it was too far to go back to get a bag but not if you just got into a snit and said he couldn't have one and that was it.
He's only 5 - there's plenty of time to teach him about life. I don't know how much use the social stories will be as yet. By all means give them a go but don't expect miracles - it will take time.
_________________
Break out you Western girls,
Someday soon you're gonna rule the world.
Break out you Western girls,
Hold your heads up high.
"Western Girls" - Dragon
I am banned  |
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Geesmom
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 01, 2008
Posts: 34
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 12:19 pm Post subject: |
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| Pandora wrote: | | Well, you could have warned him you weren't going to take a bag. I'm not saying I was perfect as a mother. |
Why would I do that if I wasn't aware of his bag affections at that point? It was a completely innocent request to decline a plastic bag, I'm sure you would have never declined a plastic bag for fear you might offend someone, but I didn't need it - didn't think it was a problem, so I declined it. Not everybody is perfect like you are (apparently). Have you considered going on the Today Show or writing a book? How do you manage to never dissapoint your children or never innocently decline something they might want? See, that would be useful information. Seriously, your children NEVER get upset??? Please...parents the world over want to know how your secret! I, for one, could sure put that kind of information to work, especially because no parent in the history of the world has ever managed to accomplish what you have. Do your neighbors and friends know about your abilities?
| Pandora wrote: | | I breastfed on demand and probably could have been a bit stricter in some ways but I don't believe in getting into huge numbers of fights with a child. |
I LOVE fights. I try to start one at every pass don'tchya know. <insert sarcasm> But, I'm sure everybody is quite impressed with your mother skills and your sacrifice. (That is your point, correct?)
| Pandora wrote: | | It just seemed to me that you were more worried about your other son and your convenience than about your aspie son's feelings. He would have understood if you told him it was too far to go back to get a bag but not if you just got into a snit and said he couldn't have one and that was it. |
My other son makes many concessions for his little brother, all the time. If you want to judge me for something many GOOD parents wouldn't have done - turned around and back-tracked 20 miles to get a plastic bag, then so be it. If that makes you feel better, then whatev.
BTW, I did tell him that it was too far to turn around. Do you honestly think you're the first mother to think of that answer??? (If that's your secret, I'm gonna need a little bit more to convince me of your omnicient ways.) Wouldn't that be the logical first response to a melt down request for a bag, 20 miles outside of where the "crime" was comitted? He didn't accept the answer, wanted nothing to do with it. He was being a 5 year old with Aspergers. Not his fault. He's not a "bad" kid, it's all a learning process.
Oh, and I didn't happen notice you in my car. Where did you manage to fit? Perhpas if you were breastfeeding my children, trying to console them. (If you were, it didn't work.)
| Pandora wrote: | | He's only 5 - there's plenty of time to teach him about life. I don't know how much use the social stories will be as yet. By all means give them a go but don't expect miracles - it will take time. |
Seems to be the only person expecting miracles is you. If you really had advice (other than turning around 20 miles to get a bag), that would be one thing, but your answers seem to be more self serving than anything.
Learning about life is a process on an age appropriate and maturity level. Geez, even as an adult, not everything makes sense to me. We are all a work in progress.
Seriously, I'm not going to allow peopel to use me as a conduit for their own problems. I've taken the abuse here and I'm just not going to allow it any longer. People need to stop making their problems my problems.
I do appreciate the people offering real advice and enlightening POV's however. Some have been very helpful.
Last edited by Geesmom on Thu Jun 19, 2008 12:26 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Geesmom
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 01, 2008
Posts: 34
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 12:23 pm Post subject: |
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| gbollard wrote: | Eventually he'll start to get them and he'll have all those "remembered" abstract thoughts to fall back on.
My children are 7.5 and 4.5, the youngest isn't getting most abstract things but every now and then he'll requote me on something abstract that I said previously (like weeks previously). The point is that they take these things onboard and remember them. They analyze them for weeks (really) and eventually the message sinks in. |
Yes, I've noticed this. Some abstract explainations are more confusing to him than others. Even now though, I see him intellectualize certain responses like, "When so-and-so is happy, they like to skip, right?", and he'll ask me over and over again for months. You can see the wheels in there moving. It's confirmations like this that make him such a joy. I love and admire the way his mind works. |
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Pandora
Cat Lady
Joined: Jun 18, 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 4684
Location: Townsville
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 8:02 am Post subject: |
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| Geesmom wrote: | | Pandora wrote: | | Well, you could have warned him you weren't going to take a bag. I'm not saying I was perfect as a mother. |
Why would I do that if I wasn't aware of his bag affections at that point? It was a completely innocent request to decline a plastic bag, I'm sure you would have never declined a plastic bag for fear you might offend someone, but I didn't need it - didn't think it was a problem, so I declined it. Not everybody is perfect like you are (apparently). Have you considered going on the Today Show or writing a book?
How do you manage to never dissapoint your children or never innocently decline something they might want? See, that would be useful information. Seriously, your children NEVER get upset??? Please...parents the world over want to know how your secret! I, for one, could sure put that kind of information to work, especially because no parent in the history of the world has ever managed to accomplish what you have. Do your neighbors and friends know about your abilities?
| Pandora wrote: | | I breastfed on demand and probably could have been a bit stricter in some ways but I don't believe in getting into huge numbers of fights with a child. |
I LOVE fights. I try to start one at every pass don'tchya know. <insert sarcasm> But, I'm sure everybody is quite impressed with your mother skills and your sacrifice. (That is your point, correct?)
| Pandora wrote: | | It just seemed to me that you were more worried about your other son and your convenience than about your aspie son's feelings. He would have understood if you told him it was too far to go back to get a bag but not if you just got into a snit and said he couldn't have one and that was it. |
My other son makes many concessions for his little brother, all the time. If you want to judge me for something many GOOD parents wouldn't have done - turned around and back-tracked 20 miles to get a plastic bag, then so be it. If that makes you feel better, then whatev.
BTW, I did tell him that it was too far to turn around. Do you honestly think you're the first mother to think of that answer??? (If that's your secret, I'm gonna need a little bit more to convince me of your omnicient ways.) Wouldn't that be the logical first response to a melt down request for a bag, 20 miles outside of where the "crime" was comitted? He didn't accept the answer, wanted nothing to do with it. He was being a 5 year old with Aspergers. Not his fault. He's not a "bad" kid, it's all a learning process.
Oh, and I didn't happen notice you in my car. Where did you manage to fit? Perhpas if you were breastfeeding my children, trying to console them. (If you were, it didn't work.)
| Pandora wrote: | | He's only 5 - there's plenty of time to teach him about life. I don't know how much use the social stories will be as yet. By all means give them a go but don't expect miracles - it will take time. |
Seems to be the only person expecting miracles is you. If you really had advice (other than turning around 20 miles to get a bag), that would be one thing, but your answers seem to be more self serving than anything.
Learning about life is a process on an age appropriate and maturity level. Geez, even as an adult, not everything makes sense to me. We are all a work in progress.
Seriously, I'm not going to allow peopel to use me as a conduit for their own problems. I've taken the abuse here and I'm just not going to allow it any longer. People need to stop making their problems my problems.
I do appreciate the people offering real advice and enlightening POV's however. Some have been very helpful. |
Oh dear, this answer is unintentionally funny. But seriously, I was worried because I detected a tone in some of your posts that you took a little big of pride in thwarting your son's requests. If I misread that intention, then I apologise.
_________________
Break out you Western girls,
Someday soon you're gonna rule the world.
Break out you Western girls,
Hold your heads up high.
"Western Girls" - Dragon
I am banned |
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Nikki03
Hummingbird
Joined: Mar 27, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 20
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| Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 4:11 pm Post subject: |
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| Geesmom, I sympathize with your situation and I honestly dont know why some people got so upset by your thread unless I missed some horrible thing you have said about your son. Just a question does this site have any moderators? I dont understand why a simple thread would turn so vile. Ive talked to alot of people and meltdowns and tantrums are common with kids on the spectrum and this has been told to me by all of my sons doctors and also his therapist so I dont understand why someone would say that he has an explosive disorder over the internet but I do have to say you might want to check it out because alot of other conditions are comorbid like my son has a multiple dx, so it may be true he has something else going on as well. Good luck and I hope you can find something that can ease him with his transitions and rigidity. |
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gbollard
the oncoming storm
Joined: Oct 06, 2007
Age: 39
Posts: 2948
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 5:55 pm Post subject: |
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| Nikki03 wrote: | | ust a question does this site have any moderators? I dont understand why a simple thread would turn so vile |
Yes, WP has moderators and Quatermass intervened but in this case, probably not in the most constructive manner... To be fair, WP was undergoing another crisis (of a more critical nature) at the time and I think his attention was focussed elsewhere.
Geesmom,
I don't think your son has an explosive disorder. I think you probably just need a little support with him and that he's reached a difficult age. A little work (well, ok... a lot) and the path will become smooth again... ...for a little while.
_________________
Gavin.
http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/ |
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Triangular_Trees
What is right is sometimes found on the left.
Joined: Jul 18, 2007
Posts: 1720
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| Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 8:57 pm Post subject: |
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| gbollard wrote: | | Geesmom wrote: | | There has to be certain boundaries or else I won't be doing him any favors in allowing him to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. That is not how the world works and he has to live in this world and he can. |
Absolutely.
I'm not going to hound you about not going back to get a bag. I believe that you did the right thing.
It is good however to recognise the problem, apologise to your child and (if possible) make it up to them. It is also important to make them responsible for assisting/communicating their wishes, since what you did was not an explicit denial of his request, but an oversight.
---
A good example;
My wife went and had a coffee and took the boys with her. She gave them something to eat but they raised hell anyway. In particular, complaining about their babycino.
She came home and told me about their "dreadful behaviour" and I explained that whenever I go to that particular coffee shop, I get them one (since they're free with your coffee). My wife didn't know that - how could she be expected to know it since it's a "dad" thing?
I explained it to her, and to the kids. They both needed the lesson.
The kids learnt that mum doesn't read minds and that thngs that dad does aren't always the same as things that mum does.
My wife learnt that the kids aren't necessarily being "naughty" - sometimes it depends on your point of view. They felt that they were being unjustly punished. |
thats quite true. When something is changed to the negative for you, and you don't know why, it feels as if you are being punished, or at the very least being told you aren't liked as much as someone else who isn't being put in the negative
I've gotten much better at this since learning about aspergers, but I used to have a running commentary in my head whenever something like this happened - wondering why I was being hated, why others weren't treated like that, that it would have happened if I'd been a sibling/friend etc. But I'd never speak on any of those reasons. I'd just keep getting angry and for the most part I expected the other person to know exactly what they were doing to me and for it to be intentional hurt on their part
A large part of not speaking up about that was fear of the reaction that would happen if i spoke up. But then my childhood was far from normal and as a result I was spent a good portion of my youth in fear of things such as saying we were out of catfood |
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LarissaM
Emu Egg
Joined: Apr 03, 2008
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 12:02 pm Post subject: |
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This is my first post so I hope it goes in the right place...
Geesmom,
Have you ever read the book The Explosive Child by Dr. Ross Greene? It has great strategies for helping parents teach problem-solving skills to their children. Using the strategies in this book helped reduced meltdowns and improved flexibilibilty with my son. |
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