Greetings

Mysty · Phoenix Joined: Jun 25, 2008 Age: 43 Posts: 1999

Hi. I'm not sure where to start. I've got thoughts and emotions swirling around in my mind.

I've visited here before, but wasn't inspired to register and post. I was exploring the idea of Asperger's / Autism / ADD and myself having some of those traits.

Ironically, what has brought me back and inspired me to register is someone else. I was reading a book, a story, about raising an autistic child, With The Light. And this person, I'll call him S, came to mind. I realized, he does have austistic spectrum traits. Realizing this about him, it explains all the things I've found frustrating about him.

Which I suppose makes me sound like an NT. Ah, but it's not that simple.

I took the Aspie Quiz. The results said I have Aspie traits and NT traits. Yup, sounds like me.

A bit now about how S fits into my life. S is a musician, in a band I like based in the area. I had a definite obsession with him, and still like him quite a lot. And, despite my expectations that he should be oblivious to my existance, he noticed me. He initiated interaction, not me.

He was someone I related to, and who reminded me of my dad, or more specifically, of how I saw my dad when I was little. And I'm realizing now that the same set of traits that are why he's been so frustrating are also why I was drawn to him, and why I like him. It's like my NT side finds him frustrating, his not responding how I expect, not responding normally but in ways that just don't make sense to me. And my Aspie side relates to him.

The identification was strong enough, that he helped me see my own beauty. I saw myself as unlikeable. Like, God loved me, but no one else would. S, I saw as very beautiful. And I also related to him. And I realized, if we are alike, and if he's beautiful, then I am too. And that appreciation for my own beauty has stuck.

We are both alike and different, and only now do I really understand how we are alike. As well as how that relates to some of our differences.

One difference is, he seems to be one of those people who can play normal. (Thus my sense at times that he's not being real, that I can't see the real him.) Me, I can't do that. I recall, way back in Jr High, feeling like I didn't know how to do the right things to fit in, that if I tried, I'd be a failure, so I decided to be me. Eventually I learned that some people admire this about me. Smile

So, as far as socially interacting, sometimes I don't understand the rules, but I get along by being quiet sometimes, especially before I get to know someone, and by listening. People like listeners. Smile

I guess often I'm better at knowing what not to say/do than knowing what to say/do.

I'm not sure how much of this is how I am, and how much is being visible in my social circles, but I do tend to have people who know who I am but I don't know who they are. Sometimes they realize I won't or might not know who they are. Other times they expect me to know who they are. I tend to go along with the conversation not revealing that I have no clue who they are. (I'm into live music, and a couple different bands I like have message boards where I post a lot, plus I like to dance; the message board posting and the dancing make me visible.)

As far as S, I'm realizing, I need to not just see how his austistic/aspie traits (whichever label is better to use) have made him frustrating, but also how they are good things. His musical abilities. His sweetness, I think. His obliviousness to my obsession with him that I had is (was?) both sweet and frustrating.

If I had to put a label on myself, I feel like ADD traits fits best. "Traits" here because one of the diagnostic criteria is that these things (in the other diagnostic criteria) are a problem, and for me, being this way is not a problem. It's who I am, and I get along fine.

I'm Aspie enough to appreciate the idea of feeling like one's on the wrong planet. One of my former online names was [myname]thealien. (I'd rather be anonymous right now, not so much for myself but because of talking about someone else.) Plus I don't think the diagnostic criteria get at the actual ADD traits that I have. (I've never been diagnosed with anything. Never seen a psychiatrist for any reason.)

Oh, I'm female. Smile

Married for 15 years. Didn't have any boyfriends, and had only been on one date, prior to meeting my husband.

P.S. I would post a link to the book, but no link posting till a person has been here 5 days and has 5 legitimate posts.