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nlj
Hummingbird
Joined: Jun 23, 2008
Posts: 21
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 Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 1:32 am Post subject: 13 hour meltdown. Is it AS or something else? |
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Today was a long day. My son had a meltdown from 8:30 am to 9:30 pm (his bedtime). He didn't let up once, except for 45 minutes to an hour when I think he may have taken a nap. (He rarely takes naps and hates admitting he's tired).
He moaned, whined, bullied his sister, talked back, and was defiant all day long.
Needless to say I'm exhausted.
Can Aspies really have day-long meltdowns or should I be thinking something else? |
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LabPet
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 05, 2007
Posts: 1803
Location: Alaska
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 2:01 am Post subject: |
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Oh no....I have meltdowns. For me (adult), meltdowns are horrendous, like being confined into a little locked box thrown into the deep ocean.
Mine are quite dramatic. I am never violent, have never broken anything (I guess some do), but I can scream, and scream, and scream...until my throat is raw. I cry uncontrollably. A meltdown is a profoundly lost and nightmarish experience. I'm sure you're exhausted from going through this with your son, but I'm sure he's even more exhausted! Yikes.
For me, after a meltdown, I must lay down. I feel as if I've had a seizure and am spent. Since mine are quite dramatic (not like your son's, where he was experiencing moodiness with lucidness), the longest meltdown has been up to 4 hours. I've been hospitalized for this meltdown - deep muscle injection of Ativan so I can calm down.
In case you're wondering, I am ordinarily a very calm and quite female - very shy. Meltdowns are often sensory excerbated by stress and an avalanche of.....? I have only 4 emotions so I just cannot process the pain. Maybe this somewhat like your son - unsure.
I hope he feels better - you too.
Please try this, if you can! I have a weighted blanket - really helps! When I feel 'melty,' my weighted blanket helps immensely. I am a PhD student (neuroscience) and I had a mini weighted blanket in my lab just to calm me whilst working at the bench (like if I'm seated) - it's a lap-pad weighted blanket. I cannot possibly my heavy-duty weighted blanket around!
The website, where I have ordered mine, if you're interested: www.weightedblanket.net
Also, I use a digital metronome with a visual pendulum everyday - I love my metronome. If you think this may help ease his discomfort, you can get one at any music shop.
I'm sure you know, but fluorescent lights are painful! I feel the strobe (@ 60 Hz); your son may as well. Reduce extraneous lighting. And all external stimuli.
About whether this is an 'Aspie thing,' yes. I am a HFA (= high-functioning autistic) but autistics have meltdowns. They can get better and Aspies can usually get much better! 13 hours seems rather extreme; perhaps he was just having a seriously bad day? Unknown. Meltdowns are usually more acute/dramatic, with shorter duration, but this is individual.
Obviously, if this continues, maybe his doctor can help? Medication (leery of this, since your son is a child)? If your son is old enough, do you think explaining to him what a meltdown is would help? Our kind are logical beings and an explanation is helpful.
I hope he feels better, you too.
_________________
same nightmare, different nap
Lab Pet, therapist slayer
Lab Pet's video: Autism is Synonymous with Science: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYelVlA7kDw |
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Jennyfoo
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 06, 2006
Posts: 520
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 4:09 am Post subject: |
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Well, that's not what I"d consider a meltdown. That seems like just a bad Aspie day to me. Or a normal day for some aspies. LOL!
Meltdowns are more severe. My daughter can not communicate, can not control herself when she's having a meltdown. It's like her mind has just exploded from the stress and she loses control- she stomps up and down, falls on the floor, screams, cries, hits, kicks, is like a scared animal. She will even self-harm when in melt-down mode. She often can not recall what happened during the meltdown. It's like her body and brain have disconnected, her brain has shut off, and her body is in primal mode. I had meltdowns like that as a child too, so I understand what it feels like. |
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LabPet
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 05, 2007
Posts: 1803
Location: Alaska
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 4:34 am Post subject: |
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| Jennyfoo wrote: | Well, that's not what I"d consider a meltdown. That seems like just a bad Aspie day to me. Or a normal day for some aspies. LOL!
Meltdowns are more severe. My daughter can not communicate, can not control herself when she's having a meltdown. It's like her mind has just exploded from the stress and she loses control- she stomps up and down, falls on the floor, screams, cries, hits, kicks, is like a scared animal. She will even self-harm when in melt-down mode. She often can not recall what happened during the meltdown. It's like her body and brain have disconnected, her brain has shut off, and her body is in primal mode. I had meltdowns like that as a child too, so I understand what it feels like. |
That's right - meltdowns are acute and distinct. 13 hours is too much - yikes! Maybe he just wasn't feeling well? Unknown. True, Aspies can have 'bad days,' where they're just.....'melty?' But not quite meltdown. An order of magnitude difference.
_________________
same nightmare, different nap
Lab Pet, therapist slayer
Lab Pet's video: Autism is Synonymous with Science: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYelVlA7kDw |
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n4mwd
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 08, 2008
Posts: 663
Location: Palm Beach, FL
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 7:11 am Post subject: Re: 13 hour meltdown. Is it AS or something else? |
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| nlj wrote: | Today was a long day. My son had a meltdown from 8:30 am to 9:30 pm (his bedtime). He didn't let up once, except for 45 minutes to an hour when I think he may have taken a nap. (He rarely takes naps and hates admitting he's tired).
He moaned, whined, bullied his sister, talked back, and was defiant all day long.
Needless to say I'm exhausted.
Can Aspies really have day-long meltdowns or should I be thinking something else? |
What did you do to him to cause the meltdown? We don't have meltdowns unless there is a good reason. It must have been something really awful to last that long. |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2398
Location: new england
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 7:54 am Post subject: |
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| how old is your aspie ? |
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flowergal
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jun 13, 2008
Age: 37
Posts: 58
Location: Peaceful Countryside, USA
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 10:19 am Post subject: |
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My son and dtr (7 and 9) have meltdowns, they never last that long and do vary in intensity. It is usually related to something we did or are going to do....there always seems to be a trigger. Sometimes an activity had just too much stimuli, or maybe we suddenly changed something. I love the weighted blanket idea, awesome! We used one in a preschool class I used to help teach for an autistic child and it worked wonderfully. Calmed him and helped him focus and listen a little better. I have also heard that giving the child a place to go during this time that is quiet and comfortable is a good idea too. My son had them really bad between 4-5 yrs of age. His bedroom became his safe place. (at that time we didnt' know we were dealing with AS). Hang in there, it sounds like these folks have good advice to offer! 
_________________
"When life brings you to your knees, you are in a good position to pray!" |
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Tortuga
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 12, 2007
Posts: 512
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 10:47 am Post subject: |
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It sounds like he was cranky all day.
My son's meltdowns do not last longer than 10 to 15 minutes. They are quite severe and he appears low functioning autistic when he has one. He can't talk, hear me, or look me in the eye. He's checked out of this world when it's going on.
Afterwards, he's serene, calm and he talks to me. He knows he had a meltdown and, even if it's a public one, he's not embarrassed that it happened. As he's gotten older these meltdowns do not happen often. His last big one was 1 year ago.
LOL, but he can have hugely bad days where he's a crankpot all day long. This happens at least once within a 2 week time span. |
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nlj
Hummingbird
Joined: Jun 23, 2008
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 12:12 pm Post subject: |
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thanks for all the replies. thank you especially to LabPet for your description of the "other side" and for being so understanding.
i'll go into a little more detail.
my aspie is 11 years old.
the thing that seemed to trigger his "event" was the night before when we were playing with our brand new Nintendo Wii. our family had been trying to buy one for six months, and as some of you know they're hard to find. when we finally opened the box and showed it to the kids, he barely showed any excitement (which was frustrating for the NTs in the family). then when we were playing, he wanted to speed through every action, and have his turn be every turn.
And when he didn't do as well as he thought or when he thought we were being unfair, he got upset. We gave him many chances and put up with his mood for as long as we could, but finally we had to send him to his room.
For the next day, I made a schedule of when the kids (he has a sister) would be playing the Wii. I gave them equal time. I also made a list of rules so he would know exactly what to expect. I went over them very carefully and went into as much detail as possible so he wouldn't be confused. I even gave suggestions as to what to do if he felt frustrated. But even with all the "fairness," and details, he started acting up that very night.
The next morning, he woke up with the same attitude. It felt like he wanted to test the rules, b/c he was doing behaviors we hadn't figured to put on the rules (despite our attempts to think of everything). Before the Wii time even began, he was already "moody" or "melty" or however you want to describe it. He took this out mostly on his sister.
I had to send him to his room, but he will never stay in his room. He always has an excuse for leaving his room. He wants to know what time it is - downstairs - even though he knows there is a clock in our room. He needs something to eat or drink even though he "just" had breakfast. He'll sit in his room and make constant noises - banging against doors or the wall - moaning, whining, and letting out the occasional scream. He'll yell at us that we're jerks, being unfair, that we don't really love him, that we don't want him to eat or drink.
We met his dad/my husband for lunch at a local mall food court. I was hoping that maybe a change-up in the day would help, but of course it didn't. The whole time, he would walk away from us, keep telling us what he won't do, and bump into his sister. He also will bump into strangers and yell at us, sometimes from a few feet away, with people in between us, not taking into consideration their presence.
The only thing that shuts him up is playing his sister's music - High School Musical or Hannah Montana. I hate doing that b/c I know how much he hates it. But it's the only thing that gets him in his room and not coming downstairs all the time.
I would have sent him to bed earlier than his 9:30 bedtime, but we've tried this before and he'll never go to bed. As exhausted as I was, it would have been more exhausting to enforce an earlier bedtime.
My main struggles are:
1. I feel like we have to alter our whole lives for his attitude at times. In other words, sure we didn't have to go to the mall for lunch, but I don't want to have to plan our lives around his bad days, which I never know when are going to happen.
2. I keep reading that these meltdowns/bad days are uncontrollable and some people say don't punish them. But I want my son to learn boundaries, and I don't know how to help him realize that without consequences? |
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aspiemom1
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jan 23, 2008
Posts: 58
Location: TN, USA
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 12:48 pm Post subject: |
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Wow, change in routines, overstimulation, something new that he obviously likes, but is not good at yet, keyword yet. I don't know how severe your son is, but throw all that on any aspie and your going to get a reaction of some kind. Does he have any kind of sensory stimulation that settles him? If so put it to use. No it wasnt a meltdown, but he was so overstimulated from your description.
I do not advocate misbehaviour, howeverI do have an honest question, and please do not think I am trying to be offensive or hurtful in any way. But if your child had cancer/MD/CP or any type of physical condition would you or would you not change a bit to accomadate your child? I ask because you made a statement about not wanting to change your family/life. I'm sure I misunderstood your meaning. But please think about this, Asperger's/Autism is as much a real medical problem as any other known disease/disorder. Your child was not purposely ruining your planned family fun.
I'm sorry for the bluntness or inappropriateness of this post. I myself am an aspie and the mom to an aspie. I will do whatever I can to make sure my son is understood, and thrives in his life. I also work very hard with him to make sure he behaves in public, but I also look first at what caused the behavior and how to prevent it in the future. You unknowingly had a child that was so overwhelmed and does NOT know how to fix that himself, and you took him out to a MALL to eat, and EXPECTED perfect behavior?????? |
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autismfamily
Emu Egg
Joined: Jun 27, 2008
Age: 48
Posts: 6
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 2:53 pm Post subject: It's a learning process for whole family |
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I agree with the response by AspieMom. My two kids are 12 (on Monday) and 13. 12 year old is nonverbal and 13 year old is HFA, neither is an Aspie.
A keyword I noticed in your post is "attitude" you are seeing his AS as an attitude and not validating it as a disorder. What books have you read? There needs to be an adjustment on the part of the entire family. Your describing him in a very negative way - he never shuts up, he keeps coming down stairs, we put up with his mood.
I recently got this book and think it is worth getting for your family to peruse:
Asperger Syndrome - An Owners Manual 2
For Older Adolescents and Adults
What You, Your Parents and Friends and Your employer need to know
It is from Autism Asperger Publishing Company
Also you mentioned reading this and that, but did not reference where you read this info, like from another parent or professional.
When he says those things you wrote about, how do you and others in the household respond to him? It sounds like he might also have some OCD behaviors. I cannot post link yet but I would go to Donna Williams Dot Net and then look under co morbid disorders and read about OCD and other issues.
Taking him to the mall was not a good idea. There does need to be some planning on your part on what your family can participate in and go with the flow. What are the summer plans for him, is there summer school or camp? How old is the sister? |
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nlj
Hummingbird
Joined: Jun 23, 2008
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 3:27 pm Post subject: |
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he's played the Wii before. that's not new to him. it's just that we finally got one. and actually, he's very good at it. i noticed that when he first played it last December (way before we realized AS). it really plays to his strengths, which is rare for a mass market product.
he also didn't have a drastically different schedule. i just worked the Wii into the existing schedule, which has been in place since summer began three weeks ago. he actually has done wonderfully with this schedule.
What i meant about him disrupting our life, is that we had this nice day planned yesterday, and he spent the ENTIRE day in this mood. Please don't get caught up on the words I am using, like attitude. I used the word "attitude" to distinguish his mood from his behaviors.
He has been moody for 8 straight days and just exploded yesterday.
Taking him to the mall was a bad idea? Yeah, no kidding. But when DO I get to go to the mall? Sorry, but I have to meet the needs of NT and AS in my family. AS is a reality, but it cannot rule. Just like NT can't rule. We need to blend.
If I adjust my life to Asperger's, according to some of you, then I can never leave the house. We can never get a Wii. We can never do anything new b/c it will make him upset.
I know that some of you just want to defend my Aspie kid, I get that. But realize that you're asking me to do things that you wouldn't ask an Aspie to do.
I'm looking for better responses than that. I need concrete solutions, not accusations.
His sister is 10 and NT, as far as the autism spectrum is concerned. she has been classified as gifted and i suspect she has dyscalula (a math learning disability). but she has a range of interest, picks up on social cues, doesn't do the hand flapping, has a range of emotions, etc.
Last edited by nlj on Sat Jun 28, 2008 3:50 pm; edited 3 times in total |
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nlj
Hummingbird
Joined: Jun 23, 2008
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 3:30 pm Post subject: |
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BY THE WAY
a week ago, my aspie had a meltdown right before his first Tae Kwon Do belt test. We made him go to the test anyway, and he broke his first board, and passed his first belt test.
If we just stayed home, we would have essentially been saying to him, "You can't do it b/c you have asperger's."
I'm proud that we are encouraging his strengths, instead of just keeping him at home when he has these moments.
Please keep in mind that we've only known for about TWO WEEKS that we're dealing with Asperger's. Before that, a therapist told us it was attachment disorder and the school told us it was a learning disability.
It's a bit of an adjustment to realize that we'll be dealing with these temper tantrums for years to come. |
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nlj
Hummingbird
Joined: Jun 23, 2008
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 3:46 pm Post subject: Re: 13 hour meltdown. Is it AS or something else? |
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| n4mwd wrote: | | nlj wrote: | Today was a long day. My son had a meltdown from 8:30 am to 9:30 pm (his bedtime). He didn't let up once, except for 45 minutes to an hour when I think he may have taken a nap. (He rarely takes naps and hates admitting he's tired).
He moaned, whined, bullied his sister, talked back, and was defiant all day long.
Needless to say I'm exhausted.
Can Aspies really have day-long meltdowns or should I be thinking something else? |
What did you do to him to cause the meltdown? We don't have meltdowns unless there is a good reason. It must have been something really awful to last that long. |
I think it's interesting that so many Aspies seem to think that NT parents are to blame for meltdowns. Meanwhile, Aspies claim they can't control their meltdowns. That it's just part of having AS and nothing can be done.
Just as much as my Aspie did not want to have a bad day, I didn't want to him to have a bad day. If I caused his bad day, then it's not Asperger's. |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2398
Location: new england
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 4:21 pm Post subject: |
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you can adjust your life to his AS, and not have to give up the NT things you enjoy..........i still go to the mall. heck, i just went on a cruise this past April for 7 days..............did it take alot of planning ? yes....did i take my aspies with me ? no......don't feel you need to take your aspie with you all the time. isn't it possible to leave him home ? or what about leaving him home with a relative ?
i'm not blaming his problems on you. i think what much of us are trying to say is that your difficulties with him could get better if you change the way you're reacting to his behaviors. there are lots of great books out there that can guide you. Ross Green's The Explosive Child is a wonderful book.... |
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