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Pandora
Cat Lady
Joined: Jun 18, 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 4684
Location: Townsville
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 Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 3:39 am Post subject: |
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Me too. I would do my Christmas shopping well before Christmas eve so I wouldn't have to go into what I know will be a very stressful situation. Gradated exposure is better: starting out on a very quiet day at the shops and slowly working your way up to the more crowded days. I think it will be a great day when it's possible to order all your groceries online. You can already do banking transactions online as well as paying bills over the net.
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Break out you Western girls,
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Divest
Butterfly
Joined: Jan 25, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 8:17 pm Post subject: |
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| Fred2670 wrote: | | BazzaMcKenzie wrote: | | I avoid malls like the plague. As a kid/teen, you get taken there - no choice. Now I have a choice. I met someone the other day for coffee. I chose to sit outside (in the cold) because it was too noisy/busy for me inside. As an adult I have a choice. I can make things easier for myself. |
I hate malls too but they are so very therapeutic when you can pull it off, especially when they are busy (like christmas shopping on December 23rd). Nothing feels better than getting back to your car and thinking to yourself.. "if I can do that, I can do anything".
1. Put your wallet in your right front pocket so you have no excuse to be worried about being robbed.
2. Walk slow. This is not a race. Nobody looks more out of place than the guy walking way too fast, especially to mall security.
3. Head up. Look around. Actually see the people. Make eye contact with them and smile if you can (not some crazed looney smile like you want to eat their brains either). This could be the perfect opportunity to pull off a phase 1 nonconfrontational flirt with a cute girl. Just smile and nod as you go by. Half the time it will be returned, and that feels good.
4. Buy something. It doesnt matter what as long as you have to wait in a line. Say a few words to the stranger behind you. Hello is good enough but expanding on "hello" is better, as long as you dont scare them. Aspies arent the only ones consciously aware of their personal space. This is basic human nature. Just be nice.
I dont assume any of this is easy, I know you will probably be sweating. You might even be jittery or down right jumpy. The voices in your head will be screaming "get me the F out of here!!" Just relax and remember that every second you can spend in this uncomfrotable environment is helping you overcome the personal demons that have built the walls that separate you from other people.
I am at the point now where I can wear funny clothes, or not comb my hair, or pass gas in line, or sit alone in a food court slowly eating french fries. Not all at the same time or during the same trip mind you, but I can do these things and not really care so much if the people around me are even aware of me and on a certain level that feels good.
The mall is a great place to practice skills that will allow you to slowly climb back into society. Walmart is just too easy because everyone there looks like they just broke out of an institution. |
It would seem that you are advocating becoming a consumer to finally become an NT. In some ways you are very correct in this assumption if you want to define yourself by the products you buy and consume then you are very much on your way to becoming an NT. Finally you'll be able to have small talk about products and useless pop-culture while consuming non-food food products in the mall food court. I'd imagine it will be a grand time.
But the sad reality of the matter is that realistically you have "cured" yourself. If you observe the "other's" behavior you will see that in many ways all it takes to be an NT is a submission to consumer culture, and a greater idea that you will find yourself within the products that you buy. Its your choice to submit to that ideology and if you can find your happiness within that NT culture (or lack of) then more power to you.
Throughout the years I've tried to play the game you speak of, I've tried desperately to be normal, to buy into the greater culture that the NT exists in, to be a very social being, to be well liked by everyone, like movies that others like, enjoy music that others like, like going out to loud noisy bars full of TVs and flashing lights. Like you I thought this was a path to becoming normal or NT. There were some successes that I had and for fleeting moments I thought I had it all, however everything falls apart and I end up where I've always been.
It is then through AS and my study of AS that I found my true self not some amalgam of products, pop-culture and mall visits. I now have the strength and piece of mind to say goodbye to the NT way of life and now have the focus to be who I am and not worry about fitting into something that doesn't exist in the first place...
You should probably listen to the voice that is saying "get me the F out of here" because that voice is more real than anything that you'll find for sale in any mall. |
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Chewbockers
Hummingbird
Joined: Jun 29, 2008
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 11:23 am Post subject: |
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| Excellent points there! I think it would do society on the whole a lot of good if we all could slow down, become more contemplative, less materialistic and just generally...quieter. |
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slowmutant
FAITH HOPE LOVE
Joined: Feb 14, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 6615
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 11:38 am Post subject: |
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| Quieter? What about the hearing-impaired? They'd like it louder. |
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sartresue
Radical Aspergian
Joined: Dec 19, 2007
Posts: 2144
Location: The Castle of Shock and Awe-tism
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 2:20 pm Post subject: Is it possible that Asperger's is merely an excuse for... |
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No excuses topic
Fred2670's profile indicates he is undiagnosed Asperger's. Who or what undiagnosed him begs the question.
As it is, he does not speak for others who are diagnosed as I am, or who identify with the Autism community. Even the self disclosed NTs on this site do not impose curebie ideas.
If the OP wants to be NT, have fun. Go for it.
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Radical Aspergian
Awe-Tistic Whirlwind
Phuture Phounder of the Philosophy Phactory |
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Fred2670
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 21, 2008
Posts: 419
Location: USA
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 3:53 pm Post subject: Re: Is it possible that Asperger's is merely an excuse for.. |
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| sartresue wrote: |
Fred2670's profile indicates he is undiagnosed Asperger's. Who or what undiagnosed him begs the question.
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Do I seem like I have AS?
I dont think so, but I guess its possible
The truth is that I undiagnosed myself
Do I continue to occasionaly exhibit symptoms? I think I must from time to time.. but I am pushing myself to conform to what I consider social norms. This is the hardest thing I have ever done, but in my opinion, the most important. Moreover, I do not believe that people who wear their AS on their shirtsleeve and use it to bash NTs are as healthy or happy as they claim to be. Should a person need to conform to the same social standards as everyone else to be accepted in society and be considered "normal"? No.. but for me it has become important. I for one was tired of living outside the mainstream. I for one was tired of using AS as an excuse for the biggest lie of all, "Content Isolation". There is a big world out there and it does not cater to those with disabilities be they cognitive or otherwise. I want to shed my skin. I want to quit feeling sorry for myself. I want to snap out of this funk Im in and be part of it all. Will it be a lifelong struggle? Maybe, but the best part is.. I know that I can do it if I fight hard enough, and there is still plenty of fight left in me.
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illusions667
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jul 02, 2008
Posts: 63
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 10:09 am Post subject: |
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| Asperger's is just a name given to people who are not pre-wired. Most people have some sort of user manual pre-wired in their minds to help them with various skills such as social skills. Aspies do not have that user manual, which makes it harder for them to function in life, although them not being pre-wired makes it easier for them to think outside of the box and actually develop techniques that are more efficient than those used by NTs in certain cases. |
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