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TRUE
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 21, 2007
Posts: 710
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 Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 6:23 pm Post subject: I miss my ex-friend |
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I don't even know what I did wrong.
We used to talk online just about every day. Except Saturdays, when he was busy. Mostly it was about whatever he wanted to talk about. He didn't much ask me about anything I was interested in.
And it was getting hard for me not to be very dependent on him, and I would try to leave the site where we would be chatting via mail. But the mail would keep coming through to my regular email address. So I would keep rejoining and read the mail.
Then he had suggested that I leave the one place and go to the site where we had met to chat. Because it would be more convenient for him. And I didn't want to. It upset me a lot to even think about being in that place. He wasn't very nice to me there and a lot of people made fun of me.
Then one day he disappeared from the site on which we had been chatting. I didn't know what happened. I tried to send a message to someone he talks to, and got no reply. I joined the site that I didn't want to go to, to send a message to be sure he was OK. He did not reply.
I guess I got ditched and I don't know why.
This seems to happen to me over the years, and I get less likely to make any investment in people. Because one day they are suddenly gone. It's not like they die, they're still there, but they want nothing to do with me. I am dead to them, I guess.
Does this happen to anyone else?
Maybe there were things I was supposed to do or pick up on, and I didn't know. I never know this stuff.
I get so attached to people sometimes. And it's devastating when they go away. I don't make a lot of friends, I just like one person to talk to. I can't handle more than that. I can't even handle the one person, trying to understand and make myself understood. |
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malithion2
Sea Gull
Joined: Jun 16, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 209
Location: Albuquerque, NM
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 6:30 pm Post subject: |
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The same happens to me all the time with online friends, you have to always keep some sort of distance. I also had the same happen with my best friend for five years, he met some girl and that was it our friendship was just gone. It's just sad how you think you know someone and then they do something so unexpected. This was more of a rant than advice but I know what you mean.
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The breaking of a wave cannot explain the whole sea. |
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TRUE
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 21, 2007
Posts: 710
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 7:07 pm Post subject: |
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Feel free to rant away.
This thread is available for everyone to rant. And it feels kind of good too, because reading that it does happen to other people, it kind of makes me feel not so alone. You know? Like it validates my experience, that it's not just ME (by myself in the entire world) that it happens to. Probably happens to a lot of people.
I just felt like I had to get it out, myself. The only person I would have had to talk to about things is the person who doesn't want to talk to me. He would have just ignored whatever I say anyway. He would skip over things he did not want to address. Which was most of what I would say.
I think I'll go back to bed now. |
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malithion2
Sea Gull
Joined: Jun 16, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 209
Location: Albuquerque, NM
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 8:05 pm Post subject: |
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I know what you mean, thats why I love this site, I've found out that I'm not the only one to act the way I do and it's a great feeling to know that.
_________________
The breaking of a wave cannot explain the whole sea. |
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sgrannel
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 21, 2008
Posts: 561
Location: USA
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 9:20 pm Post subject: |
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Don't take anyone too seriously that you haven't met in real life! This goes for dating and friendships, too.
_________________
White coats to bind me
out of control, I live alone inside my mind
World of confusion, air filled with noise
who says that my life's such a crime? |
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TRUE
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 21, 2007
Posts: 710
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 11:17 pm Post subject: |
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What do you mean "Don't take it seriously"? I kind of have this Aspie thing going on and tend to take things seriously. Usually the wrong things.
Hey, look at that! 19,999 members. Nobody else join. I like the nines. |
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sgrannel
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 21, 2008
Posts: 561
Location: USA
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 8:09 am Post subject: |
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Remember not to let your feelings, expectations and conversations get out of sync with how much you really know about the other person, and how much interaction you've had. I understand what I just said on an intellectual level, but I know from experience that it's difficult to keep things in line.
_________________
White coats to bind me
out of control, I live alone inside my mind
World of confusion, air filled with noise
who says that my life's such a crime? |
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TRUE
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 21, 2007
Posts: 710
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 8:37 am Post subject: |
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It's OK. It wasn't going anywhere. There was no place for that "friendship" to go. I realized how sad it was that I would never really meet that person. And, with that came a realization that I probably won't meet anyone I chat with online.
I mean, other people get together sometimes with the people they talk to online. But I don't have that kind of energy. I had been invited to meet some people. I just don't really want to.
I had invested a lot more in this person that they had invested in me. It was more like I was the current "friend" to dump on, to talk to, but there was little interest in ME from that person's perspective.
Real, genuine interest. Caring about me as a human being. That wasn't there. I was merely a convenient person to talk to at the time.
He likes a bunch of other people much better. Prefers their company to mine, to chat with and interact on this other site. Mostly all he did in public was make fun of me.
There was absolutely no romantic-type interest or flirting on his part. He has a girlfriend. He has a job. He has a life. I don't have any of those things, you know. No boyfriend, no friends, no family anymore in this country, no job, no life. So I got very attached to him.
And it's hard not to, when I have nothing. And as you know, most folks aren't exactly eager to hang out with Aspie types. So being around someone who wasn't totally repulsed for an extended period of time was really something.
But I screw up all the time. I guess it was one time too many.
And I did let my feelings and expectations get out of hand. I do expect a lot from people and I am very disappointed most of the time.
It is easy to see other people's mistakes when removed from the emotional content. I had been reading on another site about what someone else was going through. And all I could think of is "You are such dumbass, you didn't see that coming?" But I was not emotionally invested in that person's life. Or their situation.
I just get lost in my own emotions.
And another realization was that even if I lived in the same town a block away, this person would not be interested in talking to me in person. At all. Because I don't mean anything to that person.
so mostly I feel foolish. |
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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 2619
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 12:15 pm Post subject: |
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Story of my life, word by word.
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"It is the wounded oyster that mends its shell with pearl" - Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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