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NightsideEclipse
Snowy Owl
Joined: Oct 22, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 131
Location: Edmonds/Seattle WA
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 Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 5:04 am Post subject: Question for women (NT or AS) with an AS boyfriend/spouse |
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| What attractive traits do you think aspie men often have that NT men do not? I am thinking that maybe instead of trying to imitate NT men, we aspie guys might do better to develop our own strengths and use them to distinguish ourselves. Surely we must have them, right? |
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MR_BOGAN
Mysterios Dirty Dancer
Joined: Mar 06, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 2035
Location: The great trailer park in the sky!
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 5:16 am Post subject: |
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I think AS people are more open and honest, also not at all superficial.
I read that once AS men get a relationship they are more commited to it. |
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NightsideEclipse
Snowy Owl
Joined: Oct 22, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 131
Location: Edmonds/Seattle WA
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 5:20 am Post subject: |
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| MR_BOGAN wrote: |
I read that once AS men get a relationship they are more commited to it. |
I don't doubt that, but I am more interested in knowing our attractive traits that would help us begin a relationship rather than continue an existing one. |
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veruniel
Phoenix
Joined: May 20, 2008
Posts: 1056
Location: England
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 5:42 am Post subject: |
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My friend is an aspie, and I'm attracted to him for a number of reasons.
He's honest. There are no mysteries with him; he tells me exactly what he thinks even if it's not flattering, and I appreciate that he doesn't stand on ceremony.
He doesn't engage in small talk very much. He talks about things that are real, and if he can't think of anything to say, he'll be quiet instead of filling the air with inane babble. I like the fact that he's comfortable with silence.
He's talented. His fixation is music and he plays the piano superbly. Whenever he's at a loss or nervous, he'll go to his piano and start playing something evocative and agitated. I admire his dedication to his music, and his incredible ability. |
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kip
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 14, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 776
Location: Las Vegas NV USA
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 5:45 am Post subject: |
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Hmmm...
I know my BF attracted me because he was on my level. He understood and could talk computers with me for hours, never getting bored.
*figure out my obsession yet?*
But also... he's honest. He doesn't lie, like, ever, he sticks up for me, and he's possesive. Not overly so, but when some random guy on the street leers at me, he gets one H**L of a glare in return!
But those are things I want. They don't appeal to my sister.
You're never going to make yourself more likable by females in general. But, you can always make yourself more interesting to the kind of girl you want. If you want someone more submissive than you, then be a little dominant. Or if you want a girl in charge, ask the cute chick for help with something she obviously knows a lot about.
The best relationships I've ever seen started as the best friendships I've ever seen. So go talk to the cute chick at starbucks. Get to know her. Even if she doesn't think of you as ANYTHING near potential BF material, she may have a girlfriend who thinks you're just the greatest thing to ever grace the planet.
For aspies, it's easiest to get the girl when we already know the girl.
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You can purchase anything off the Internet except common sense.
…the end of our exploring, will be to arrive where we started, and know the place for the first time. - T.S. Eliot |
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zen_mistress
In Pursuit of a Peaceful Life
Joined: Jun 12, 2007
Age: 31
Posts: 1131
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 5:55 am Post subject: |
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Mysteriousness, having an unusual sense of humour, having interesting topics to talk about, valuing women, not being hung up on the opinions of others, just having a different viewpoint in general. Those are some good traits I have noticed in various aspie men I have met.
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Glory be to God for dappled things,
For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow,
For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout that swim;
Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls, finches’ wings.
~ Gerard Manley Hopkins
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NightsideEclipse
Snowy Owl
Joined: Oct 22, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 131
Location: Edmonds/Seattle WA
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 7:37 am Post subject: |
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| kip wrote: | The best relationships I've ever seen started as the best friendships I've ever seen. So go talk to the cute chick at starbucks. Get to know her. Even if she doesn't think of you as ANYTHING near potential BF material, she may have a girlfriend who thinks you're just the greatest thing to ever grace the planet.
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That is something I've considered and I'm glad to see that I'm not only one to think upon it. I've always thought it might be an astute move if rejected to say, "Okay, but people tend to seek friendships with others similar to themselves. With that said, do you have any friends whose ideal man might resemble me a little more closely than yours does?"
EDIT: I just created a new topic related to this very subject. |
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bloop
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jun 01, 2008
Posts: 54
Location: UK
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 12:35 pm Post subject: |
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| NightsideEclipse wrote: |
That is something I've considered and I'm glad to see that I'm not only one to think upon it. I've always thought it might be an astute move if rejected to say, "Okay, but people tend to seek friendships with others similar to themselves. With that said, do you have any friends whose ideal man might resemble me a little more closely than yours does?"
EDIT: I just created a new topic related to this very subject. |
Agreed in principle, definitely, but it's not always the wisest plan to say it out loud - it can come across as though you are not really bothered who you are with as long as it's someone who'll have you - because of the that the first girl may find that quite insulting because it sounds like you weren't really interested in her in the first place, and she won't recommend any friends to you (depends on the level of initial friendship - more likely if you've only just met, less likely if you've spent tons of time getting to know each other and understanding what makes each other tick).
A better way of using this principle to your advantage would be to get to know the girl better AND some of her friends, so that you then have independent "access" to her friends and cut out the middleman as it were, thus reducing the risk of upsetting the middleman and appearing desperate. Still best to take it slow though as if you jump right in it'll still get back to the first girl! |
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NightsideEclipse
Snowy Owl
Joined: Oct 22, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 131
Location: Edmonds/Seattle WA
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 3:45 pm Post subject: |
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| bloop wrote: | | NightsideEclipse wrote: |
That is something I've considered and I'm glad to see that I'm not only one to think upon it. I've always thought it might be an astute move if rejected to say, "Okay, but people tend to seek friendships with others similar to themselves. With that said, do you have any friends whose ideal man might resemble me a little more closely than yours does?"
EDIT: I just created a new topic related to this very subject. |
Agreed in principle, definitely, but it's not always the wisest plan to say it out loud - it can come across as though you are not really bothered who you are with as long as it's someone who'll have you - because of the that the first girl may find that quite insulting because it sounds like you weren't really interested in her in the first place, and she won't recommend any friends to you (depends on the level of initial friendship - more likely if you've only just met, less likely if you've spent tons of time getting to know each other and understanding what makes each other tick).
A better way of using this principle to your advantage would be to get to know the girl better AND some of her friends, so that you then have independent "access" to her friends and cut out the middleman as it were, thus reducing the risk of upsetting the middleman and appearing desperate. Still best to take it slow though as if you jump right in it'll still get back to the first girl! |
Know that I wouldn't be so out loud in real life; I simply think of hypothetical situations as if they were stylized, dialogue-driven plays knowing that reality will often be different. |
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merr
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 23, 2007
Posts: 683
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 3:58 pm Post subject: |
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| MR_BOGAN wrote: | I think AS people are more open and honest, also not at all superficial.
I read that once AS men get a relationship they are more commited to it. |
wrong. my bf cheated. it's all lies. |
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Cyberman
Cyber Leader
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Posts: 1343
Location: Cyber Control
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 4:40 pm Post subject: |
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| merr wrote: | | MR_BOGAN wrote: | I think AS people are more open and honest, also not at all superficial.
I read that once AS men get a relationship they are more commited to it. |
wrong. my bf cheated. it's all lies. |
So now you paint us all with the same brush? |
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merr
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 23, 2007
Posts: 683
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 4:57 pm Post subject: |
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| Cyberman wrote: | | merr wrote: | | MR_BOGAN wrote: | I think AS people are more open and honest, also not at all superficial.
I read that once AS men get a relationship they are more commited to it. |
wrong. my bf cheated. it's all lies. |
So now you paint us all with the same brush? |
I would never do that. All Im saying is the principle of fidelity (and many other things) is up to the individual person's beliefs and actions and is not determined by neurological condition at all. |
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Cyberman
Cyber Leader
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Posts: 1343
Location: Cyber Control
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 7:04 pm Post subject: |
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| merr wrote: | | Cyberman wrote: | | So now you paint us all with the same brush? |
I would never do that. All Im saying is the principle of fidelity (and many other things) is up to the individual person's beliefs and actions and is not determined by neurological condition at all. |
OK, sorry. It just seemed like you base a lot of your opinions of AS people on that unfortunate relationship you had. I agree with you that principles are not determined by a neurological condition, and there are number of Aspies here who seem to have no qualms about cheating and manipulation. However, I've always found it rather difficult to be dishonest, and I'm not sure whether that has more to do with my "principles" or my inability to communicate very well. |
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PixieDust86
Butterfly
Joined: Jul 07, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 12
Location: Orlando, FL
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 9:34 pm Post subject: |
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I'm NT and my boyfriend is AS, and what attracted me most to him was his authenticity and his passion for the things he loves. He was completely no nonsense, he has always been someone I have felt instantly comfortable being around. Also his passion and love for astronomy I find really attractive. When someone has a grasp on something enough to have these thought out discussions and the ability to teach you things is something amazing. He restored my passion for the things I've loved just haven't pursued. I am someone who though isn't AS I suffer from anxiety disorders and this need to be perfect, around him I never feel like I have to be anyone other than myself around him. With my experience I see him for who he is heart and soul, and not all superficiality that a lot of NT guys like to put on. He is truly a passionate,honest, and loyal person.
Nightslide, don't try and imitate NT guys, because some NT guys who act that way just attract similar NT girls. I think most women want deep down is to be loved,needed, and accepted for who they are, whether they open their heart up to that idea or not. A lot of women close off to that because they are afraid it doesn't exist anymore and are afraid of getting hurt. They end up settling for less and going with those NT guys (who are jerks not all NTs). Be yourself, you have attractive qualities don't be afraid to show that to the world, someone is sure to fancy you.  |
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ToadOfSteel
Extremist Moderate
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 2946
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 10:49 pm Post subject: |
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| PixieDust86 wrote: | | Be yourself, you have attractive qualities don't be afraid to show that to the world, someone is sure to fancy you. |
That's what I keep hearing, and yet I'm still here all alone, even after making a few passes at women... |
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