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digger1
perturbed spirit
Joined: Sep 13, 2007
Age: 35
Posts: 2472
Location: Overlooking Har Megido
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 Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 3:43 pm Post subject: problem with the wife |
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She's been telling me that she's told me some details about plans she comes up with but the day before we're supposed to do it or the day of, she'll get upset with me that I don't remember her telling me these things. It came to a head today when she was talking with her father. He called to ask her is he could watch Olivia and give me the day off. She came into the bedroom after she got off the phone with him. I was in the bedroom and she said, "my folks want to give you the day off." I said "cool." She went to the store, came back and by that point I'm getting a little tired and ready for a nap. I told her, "at least I'll be able to get in a decent nap." Then she said, "yeah, just imagine the nap you'll be able to take tomorrow." I asked her what she meant. She said that her folks want to watch her tomorrow, not today and, "I told you that!" I shouted, NO YOU DIDN'T!" because I'm getting so pissed every time she doesn't fill me in on these details that I need to know and she thinks she's told me or is just playing games.
to sum up: She makes plans, doesn't tell me all if any details and gets upset when I don't remember. She doesn't tell me in the first place.
I get mad, she gets mad and I think she's playing games with me.
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"...and the Geeks shall inherit the earth, middle and stars." Gates 3.14 |
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Mage
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 11, 2006
Posts: 1000
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 4:18 pm Post subject: |
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| Have her write everything down on a calendar and on a daily list. I do this for myself, otherwise I'd never remember which days I have to go to the doctor and what I need to pick up from the store. |
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cosmiccat
Supporting Member
Joined: Apr 06, 2007
Posts: 1802
Location: In my body on my 66th trip around the sun
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 5:01 pm Post subject: |
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digger1 said:
| Quote: | | "my folks want to give you the day off." |
There's the problem. She didn't say which day. If she had said "my folks want to give you the day off today" or "my folks want to give you the day off tomorrow" this misunderstanding wouldn't have happened. Neurotypicals do not understand the importance of clear, precise communication. They think because they know what they're talking about, we should too. The only advice I can give is when they make statements like the one in quotes, you, we, have to ask for clarification. It really makes even the simplest communication a pain in the neck, nothing can ever be cut and dry. I know it sounds absurd, but sometimes it makes me want to keep a little notebook to write down what they (mainly my husband in my case) have said and then have them check it for accuracy and make changes if necessary and then initial it. But geez, why should people have to live that way.
I know exactly what you are talking about and how incidents like what you have written about above can escalate to the point where you start to doubt your own perceptions and your own sanity.
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I accept chaos. I am not sure whether it accepts me. Some people are terrified of the bomb. But then some people are terrified to be seen carrying a modern screen magazine. Experience teaches us that silence terrifies people the most. Bob Dylan |
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serenity
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 26, 2007
Age: 30
Posts: 780
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| Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2008 12:10 am Post subject: |
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My husband, and I go through this sort of scenario quite often. I take what he says at literal, face value. I've even threatened to hire a stenographer. That way if I have a disagreement about what he says he said I can just go ask the stenographer to back to the time, and date and read what he said. 
Seriously though, I think the calendar idea is a good one. That, and lots, and lots of patience on both sides. |
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Jacobison
Snowy Owl
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Joined: Jan 28, 2008
Posts: 138
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digger1
perturbed spirit
Joined: Sep 13, 2007
Age: 35
Posts: 2472
Location: Overlooking Har Megido
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| Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2008 1:35 am Post subject: |
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I've thought about it.
not really.
_________________
"...and the Geeks shall inherit the earth, middle and stars." Gates 3.14 |
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