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equinn
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 20, 2007
Posts: 652
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 Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 5:02 pm Post subject: exploitive? |
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What are parents' feelings about exposing your child's experiences? Do you think it's okay, or is it somewhat invasive, even exploitive to write about person without his/her permission.
What is the rationale for writing about autism spectrum disorders in a nonfiction manner? Do you feel it's helpful to read about others' experiences?
thanks
equinn |
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menameslaura
Snowy Owl
Joined: May 24, 2007
Age: 38
Posts: 127
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| Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 8:23 pm Post subject: |
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I would love to invite my family...my parents, my sister, friends to read my posts...you know, I could invite them to this website to read "mynaneslaura" s posts and replies.
I think in a way it would be a good experience for them.....BUT...
In a way, this website is like a refuge for me. No one I know knows who I am under my web name, and this way, I can get unbiased info and ideas from the website.
All of you have helped me tremendously, and I am not for a moment ashamed of it. My son, "D" is too young (7yrs old) for me to feel like I might be exploiting him.
As a matter of fact, in a couple or few years, I may introduce him to this very website as I think it will be a very valuable outlet for him...where he can share his thoughts and experiences with his own Aspergers.
Thanks,
Laura |
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Fnord
Metasyntactic Variable
Joined: May 07, 2008
Posts: 4204
Location: Pantopia
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| Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 8:32 pm Post subject: |
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| menameslaura wrote: | I would love to invite my family...my parents, my sister, friends to read my posts...you know, I could invite them to this website to read "mynaneslaura" s posts and replies.
I think in a way it would be a good experience for them.....BUT...
In a way, this website is like a refuge for me. No one I know knows who I am under my web name, and this way, I can get unbiased info and ideas from the website. |
Laura,
You've expressed my sentiments exactly. No one knows who the person is behind the Fnordic avatar, and I like it that way ... mostly. While I do wish that I could trust everyone to not treat me any differently ... or maybe just a little better ... than they do already, the person I am when I interact with them is not the same person I am to myself. It's not so much that I'm living a lie, it's that I've made some 'adjustments' to my behavior so as to be more socially acceptable as an 'eccentirc' individual, as opposed to 'acting naturally' and having them freak out for thinking of me as totally wierd.
Changing the names to protect the innocent is never a bad idea.
Best Wishes,
Fnord
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You could be emo if you break up with someone, and become angry or depressed when they form another relationship. |
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annie2
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 18, 2007
Posts: 356
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 5:28 am Post subject: Re: exploitive? |
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| equinn wrote: | What are parents' feelings about exposing your child's experiences? Do you think it's okay, or is it somewhat invasive, even exploitive to write about person without his/her permission.
What is the rationale for writing about autism spectrum disorders in a nonfiction manner? Do you feel it's helpful to read about others' experiences?
thanks
equinn |
I guess you are talking about how we write about our children here on WP. I agree with some of the other posters, that it's good to hide behind a "name" and to also keep our children's identities concealed. I have told a couple of teachers/professionals that I post on WP, and every now and then I have this faint panic that perhaps someone has logged in and worked out who I am and is reading my backlog of posts! - subsequently I am reasonably careful about what I say.
I don't just see it as exposing my child's experiences - it is usually exposing MY experience with my child, usually with the purpose of helping my child (or helping me cope). It is hugely helpful to get ideas from other parents, and also to get that support in terms of knowing you're not on your own dealing with issues. |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2452
Location: new england
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 5:25 pm Post subject: |
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| i think that we all have to weigh what the greater good is.....post what you're comfortable posting, leave out what you're not comfortable with-and be aware that people you know(including your kids) could be able to read your posts at any time |
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Triangular_Trees
What is right is sometimes found on the left.
Joined: Jul 18, 2007
Posts: 2053
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 8:47 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | and read whatever that thread was where the parents wanted to share humourous stories of their aspie child and the adult aspies here spoke up against it |
Dang it. I just found that thread and only one aspie spoke up against it (I could have also sworn I posted there too). Hopefully I'll get my correct memories back when I've been on my seizure medicine for longer - my awesome memory is one of my best traits, and I made it through college with straight A's by wrote memorizing the text book chapters.
Last edited by Triangular_Trees on Fri Jul 18, 2008 10:15 am; edited 1 time in total |
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YowlingCat
Lick a Cat - Get a Hairball
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Joined: Feb 12, 2007
Posts: 1115
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 10:19 pm Post subject: |
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| Don't forget the Way-Back Machine. It's on the net, it's on the net somewhere, forever. I'd never use any identifying features of a child. |
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t0
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 24, 2008
Posts: 526
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:45 pm Post subject: Re: exploitive? |
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| equinn wrote: | | What are parents' feelings about exposing your child's experiences? Do you think it's okay, or is it somewhat invasive, even exploitive to write about person without his/her permission. |
When I was in high school I overheard my mother talking to one of her friends about trouble I was having in school. I gave her a stern lecture that I didn't want her talking to her friends about me (good or bad) because my life was none of their business.
I think it's best if you keep it anonymous. |
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Gamester
Buracrate in the Making
Joined: Nov 23, 2006
Age: 21
Posts: 2884
Location: Newberg, OR
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| Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 1:09 am Post subject: |
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Mmmmm...(I'm not a parent, but I'm 20, soon to be 21, so I figure that qualifies for something.).... I think it's up to the parent. in middle school and high school, one of the teachers who I had who was also the speciality teacher (for autistic and other types, math defencies and whatnot) knew that I had it, and knew what each of her students had. A few of my parents friends knew that I had it. To me it didn't really matter, mainly because it didn't bother me that much, I kept it hidden from those that I associated with (when I say kept it hidden, I didn't talk about it) my close friends today in college(my immediate close friends, in my small group bible study and a couple of coworkers to be exact) know taht I had it in high school, I have hence grown out of it, though according to one of my friends that's not possible, I believe it is...............whoops, sorry getting off base here.
My point that I was going for, is that it's up to the parents as Laura sugguested with the fact that her son is 7.....waiting til nine is a good idea though ten would be a better idea, mainly for online etiquette(that's when I first went online, back in the dial up modem days)......the fact that there are parents who may be AS themselves asking this question.
If you are an AS parent and you want advice and help, then come here and ask, we're willing to help, also read stuff by Tony Atwood, he does a lot of books on AS, one of them that just came out I found in my parents room this afternoon and I wish that I had it for gen psych freshman year of college for my research paper on autism/aspegers. There are also local psychiatrists (yes, I know I screwed that up.....the term I'm thinking is councilors whatever you call them psych docs or whatever...someone help me with that term PLEASE!!!!?!) who help/advise on stuff like this.
--John
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I don't believe in mercy without it being reciprocated.
I don't judge unless it's necessary.
I believe in the golden rule, except in the case of those who have no standing in my opinion.
I'm all for a world where those with disabilities are viewed as |
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KimJ
Legend in my own mind
Joined: Jun 11, 2006
Posts: 2538
Location: Arizona
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| Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 1:28 am Post subject: |
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I think it's okay if it's done in a respectful, anonymous manner. I don't participate in sharing photos, "funny stories" or full on rants against being a parent. I come here for informational/helpful purposes only.
As far as reading books by NTs about parenting autistic people, I've only read a few, where the stories were dramatized (the Manga, With the Light) or where it's clear that the autistic subject gave permission for the book (Dr. Temple Grandin's mom). |
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No_YOU_get_over_it
Toucan
Joined: Jun 29, 2008
Posts: 255
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| Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 9:18 am Post subject: |
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Do you mean like dooce.com ?
Her daughter isn't necessarily Aspie, but initially had some physical developmental issues. Dooce has come under a lot of criticism for posting so openly, and is aware her daughter might hate her for it. I presume there's a lot she doesn't post; her style is in-your-face, so people seem to presume she's an open book. She's certainly more discrete and tasteful than are the myriad me-too bloggers who ape her monthly letter format.
Equinn, are you thinking of writing a book about your kid/s?
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- NYGOI
NB: contents of above post represent my opinion at time of post only. YMMV, NAYY, and most importantly, IALBTC! |
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DW_a_mom
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 1351
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 1:43 pm Post subject: |
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My AS son knows I post on forums and that I've been able to get useful information doing so. He can read over my shoulder if he wants to; I don't hide anything. Truth is, he doesn't really care. He knows it's annonymous and he simply trusts that I'm not exploiting him or being gossipy. I think he also sees the benefits as outweighing the costs. I can talk about him right in front of him; he's never impatient or rolling his eyes or anything; he just may chime in with a clarification or two.
My NT daughter, however, is very sensitive about my talking about her. And she has told me so. I've told her I do it because I love her, I'm proud of her, and also because sometimes I could use a sounding board on how to help her, but she still hates it. So, I'm trying to be respectful of that.
Bottom line, as your children get older, it's good to know how they feel about it, and respect that. They do have a right to some input on anything that concerns them.
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equinn
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 20, 2007
Posts: 652
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| Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 12:20 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for all the responses.
I didn't mean this forum, exactly, I meant outside this forum as in an editorial. I've tried and feel guilty so I don't continue. I finally did write something but kept my son's name private.
Funny, when I was finished writing it, unexpectedly, my son asked what I was writing about (I always write and he never asks this question) and so I explained and sort of asked his permission and he said "No, I don't want someone coming after me." And that was that.
I have written fiction (180 pages or so), but that's another story. That I feel is okay because it is entirely fiction and the setting is in the past with fictional characters. This has helped me tremendously.
As for writing a book about my son, nonfiction? No way. I don't think I could do that. It's too revealing. If he wants to write about himself one day, that's fine.
I was speaking in terms of a shorter piece, informational, with some anecdotal parts thrown in there. I was wondering why it's hard to write and why I feel guilty about it? Your responses have helped me to understand better.
Also,my sons' response tells me he 1) doesn't exactly have an opinoin on the matter 2) didin't want to talk about it and probably isn't interested 3) is in complete denial about having autism and believes its my "obsession" -maybe he's right. : )
Imagine, I actually almost believe him? I do tend to get obsessed with my subjects. I tried to explain that its for his benefit, so I can help him. Initially, yes. But, now, I'll admit it's a fascinating topic for me. Anyone else feel the same?
equinn |
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