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Warsie
OG Balla Representin' Da Souf Sydeeee of Chi-City
Joined: Apr 04, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 2460
Location: Chicago, IL, USA
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 Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 4:57 am Post subject: |
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| slowmutant wrote: | | The defining characteristic of rape is penetration. |
in this context, yes. Conceded.
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RustyShackleford
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 22, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 481
Location: Nottingham UK
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 5:39 am Post subject: Re: British Men and Dating |
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| IdahoRose wrote: | | RustyShackleford wrote: | | Sex is not something to be terrified of, there's nothing to it really and it is supposed to be fun! |
That's what other people keep telling me. I always imagine sex as being: I lay down and shut my eyes tight and let the man have his way with me while I wait for it to be over. |
'Lay back and think of England' as we say...It's kind of an outdated idea now. Many girls are much more forward now: there is no shame in going after something you enjoy.
I think the key is being comfortable with the pleasure you can get on your own; once you get a taste for that you start looking at men in terms of 'so what can you do for me?'.
Everyone needs to learn their own body first and feel comfortable with themselves. If you can't get aroused on your own you certainly won't do any better with the pressure of having another naked person there! |
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slowmutant
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 14, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 11411
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 5:44 am Post subject: |
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The problem with this is that it's turned into a ME ME ME kind of thing. Not just sex, but nearly everything else in modern culture. Very very selfish. Selfishness is rewarded. Aggressiveness and lack of concern for others, also rewarded. Sex was God's gift to mankind, and it's been corrupted along with everything else. I mean, look at our cultural attitudes towards sex. Look how much damage they do.
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RustyShackleford
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 22, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 481
Location: Nottingham UK
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:27 am Post subject: |
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I do agree. I was surprised when I realised that many girls over here consider kissing more personal than sex.
The other thing to watch out for with the majority of British men is that silly little game that you call 'soccer' and that we refer to as 'the beautiful game' and all that jazz. Personally football bores me to tears and I cannot really fake an interest enough to watch it let alone pretend I know what i'm talking about.
Over paid hairdressers, some of whom can literally barely string a sentence together get treated like endangered servants and given Bentleys just because they can run around after a ball a bit and dive on the floor whenever another man comes near them.
There are exceptions to the rule but mostly British men will be passionate about football and/or cricket (which also bores me to tears) and/or rugby (which is a good sport). Football is the simplest game so it appeals to the most people. Don't ever get between a British man with a few pints of Carling inside him and the Setanta Sports channel showing premiership highlights! |
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Liopleurodon
Sea Gull
Joined: Jan 17, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 212
Location: The Tethys Sea
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 7:17 am Post subject: |
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Can I make a suggestion? I assume that you have pretty firmly held religious beliefs, probably Christian (?) Rather than ditching them, as others have suggested  , I suggest that you seek out people with similar beliefs. That way you are likely to make a network of friends who will help you to settle in, and you're more likely to meet the kind of man whom you want in your life.
The attitudes which you attributed to British men are by no means universal. They're stereotypes. In fact, they're stereotypes which conflict with each other. I doubt that there's much overall difference between British men and American men. You are going to get confused if you try to attribute one set of views to an entire country. It depends on the man, as it does anywhere. Don't assume that the guy you meet has any particular viewpoint just because he's British - you'll want to enter into a dialogue with him and exchange views. I know a lot of British people - male and female - and no two of them are exactly alike in their views, attitudes and personalities.
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Juniperberrygirl
Raven
Joined: May 11, 2008
Posts: 100
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 8:02 am Post subject: |
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| IdahoRose wrote: | | Praetorius wrote: | | Yeah religion is dying out. I'd suggest dropping the whole religious thing when it comes to sex. I doubt you'll meet really anyone who will be willing to marry you before having sex unless you're like wicked gorgeous. Can't have a healthy romantic relationship without sex. |
Well, I've got a cute face, but that doesn't count for "wicked gorgeous". :[ So I guess that means I'll have to "put out" eventually if I ever hope to walk down the aisle with my British Prince Charming. It's a stretch, but we've all got to push the envelope sometimes! |
You don't have to put out. Being honest (with self and other person) about what you want and need in a relationship is very important (though not to be said on a first date).
Don't have sex on a first date, the guy may be just wanting a one night stand. Very important to be in love and to be loved before even considering sex. Your wanting to be married first will make it more difficult to find the right guy but it is not impossible.
There are dating services that specificly cater to those who want to get married, both people then know that the other is looking for marriage prior to the date happening. Doing an internet search for them is a good idea. Don't worry about the stigma, if there is any for you over dating services. Try them first before deciding to put out on a date. |
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intense
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 10, 2008
Posts: 351
Location: UK
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 8:30 am Post subject: |
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As a British man myself I find all this very amusing, national stereotypes are always totally inaccurate and ridiculous, people who are anything like their national stereotypes are so rare I don't believe they wouldn't make up even 1 percent of the population.
IdahoRose the right person for you surely has to be the one who treats you right, it really shouldn't matter what nationality he is, there are just as many British assholes out there as there are in any other country on earth.
I know this as I've known loads of guys who threat women like garbage, in fact it seems to be a favourite hobby of theirs! I can't imagine there are too many women out there who want to be used for sex and nothing else but what do I know?
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LePetitPrince
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Posts: 5130
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 9:02 am Post subject: |
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| slowmutant wrote: | The problem with this is that it's turned into a ME ME ME kind of thing. Not just sex, but nearly everything else in modern culture. Very very selfish. Selfishness is rewarded. Aggressiveness and lack of concern for others, also rewarded. Sex was God's gift to mankind, and it's been corrupted along with everything else. I mean, look at our cultural attitudes towards sex. Look how much damage they do.
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LePetitPrince
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Posts: 5130
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 9:14 am Post subject: Re: British Men and Dating |
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| IdahoRose wrote: | | RustyShackleford wrote: | | Sex is not something to be terrified of, there's nothing to it really and it is supposed to be fun! |
That's what other people keep telling me. I always imagine sex as being: I lay down and shut my eyes tight and let the man have his way with me while I wait for it to be over. |
That's the coldest sex description that I ever heard in my life , no man would be satisfied like this, sex is not just finger into the hole.
Won't it be painful if you are not excited enough? |
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slowmutant
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 14, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 11411
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 9:36 am Post subject: |
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| Yes, it would be painful for the female if she weren't excited enough. That's why foreplay is so important, ands also why rape can be so physicaly damaging for her. Rape is a prime examplar of the evil that men do. |
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intense
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 10, 2008
Posts: 351
Location: UK
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 9:41 am Post subject: |
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How did a thread about dating British men turn into a tread about rape! 
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JohnHopkins
In no way offensive to anybody. Honest.
Joined: Nov 20, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 2735
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 10:57 am Post subject: Re: British Men and Dating |
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Hi. I'm a British male, and most of this seems like a crock of sh** to me. I'm going to have to generalise here, becuase people are different and you can't just pin sh** on everybody the same way.
| IdahoRose wrote: | | - Some sources have stated that British men expect women to pay for half of the tab when going out to lunch/dinner. Another source stated that, when a woman offered to buy her British man a drink, he was appalled and said he'd never heard of such a thing. |
It differs from man to man as far as the paying half the tab thing. Some guys think it's only fair to pay just for what you ate, rather than half the tab. But then, our meals are cheaper overall because we aren't completely obliged to tip. As for the buying drinks thing, that 'never heard of such a thing!' incredulity sounds like it was made up to me. But there's kind of, more of a code of chivalry over here, and generally the guy will buy all the drinks for the girl.
| IdahoRose wrote: | | - A few other sources say that British men love to "shag" on their dates, yet another source stated that a British man was disgusted by the "grinding" dance styles he'd seen in American clubs. Yet another source stated that British men do not like it at all when women make sexual comments or jokes. |
- We are far more relaxed about sex on the first date over here. In America there seems to be a bit of a 'sleep on the first date and you're a slut' mentality, but over here... if it happens, it happens. I've slept with girls on the first date and none of us felt like we were being whores.
- That's because the grinding dance is pretty gross. Being up for having sex in the bedroom and disliking very public supposed 'indecency' are different things. However, and this is relevant to the previous bullet point too, quite a bit of shagging in the toilet goes on in clubs.
- There was something called a 'ladette' culture for a while, it was basically where girls started acting more like guys, drinking pints, swearing, staying out all night, etc. And - and again this is generalising - most guys don't want that. They want a girl who is a girl, they don't want to essentially be shagging their best mate (that's another one: girls, you are NOT our best friend, you are our girlfriend. These are separate things).
| IdahoRose wrote: | | - A few sources claimed that British men don't call their women on the phone very often, and the women are kind of expected to do most of the calling. However, in one source a British man claimed that his American girlfriend was "too aggressively chatty". |
- Well, yeah I'd say that the guy does usually prefer for the girl to do most of the calling, not all of it. And being 'too aggressively chatty' doesn't mean he doesn't like being called, it just means she was calling him too much. There's a difference.
| IdahoRose wrote: | | - All British men ever want to do on dates is drink and "shag". And if they really like you, they'll "go on shag dates" with you later. |
I have never once heard the phrase 'shag date' before. However, the whole 'dating' thing doesn't go on as much in Britain, you just tend to spend time together and do activities, rather than specifically having date one, dinner, date two, movie, etc. And most men will be looking towards the finish line, yeah.
| IdahoRose wrote: | | I'm intimidated by the whole "drink n' shag" dating prospect, because frankly, I'm absolutely terrified of having sex with a man at this point in my life; and due to my religion I stand firmly in my belief that I should save my virginity until marriage. And due to the medications I take, I'm not able to drink. |
Well that's going to be an issue. You just need to find the right guys. |
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IdahoRose
Mommy and Daddy's Girl
Joined: Feb 25, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 5202
Location: Boise, ID
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 1:06 pm Post subject: |
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| Thank you for your responses, everyone. Sorry if I offended any of you with the generalizations I put down in the first post. Those were things that I had come across while googling phrases like "dating British men"; I don't actually believe them to be true. |
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IdahoRose
Mommy and Daddy's Girl
Joined: Feb 25, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 5202
Location: Boise, ID
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 1:08 pm Post subject: Re: British Men and Dating |
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| AnAlias wrote: | | I believe you are very attractive. |
Really? I hope the guys overseas think so, too... |
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BigK
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jan 14, 2008
Posts: 157
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 3:30 pm Post subject: |
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Nice pic IdahoRose.
My thoughts direct from the UK are why would an 18 year old be worrying about serious relationships. 
To me 18 is all about getting an education and having loads of fun.
Travel for it's own sake. Everywhere you can. See everything that you can. If you meet a nice guy along the way, cool.
It sounds as though there is a lot of the USA still to see. And there is a big, big world beyond that.
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