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Tigger9592
Butterfly
Joined: Sep 04, 2008
Posts: 12
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 Posted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 7:18 pm Post subject: As a parent have you lost |
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some friends because of your childs diagnosis? I must say I have a few of my "friends" seem to have no understanding of this whatsoever they think you can "fix" the problem with discipline. Whats funny is that my daughter is more well behaved then there kids usually 
Also do you get just keep making them do it ( whatever it may be) mostly for my daughter right now almost three if she is overwhelmed we have been told by our psychologist 2 of them actually to just go for now until she can learn better coping skills. Some people seem to think that exposing her over and over will help solve the problem  even after I tell them tried that and all it does is result in a rage of 2-3 hours And then a couple of miserable days after!
I just find that so frustrating so we have had to cut some people loose for her sake and mine!!! Just wondering if anyone else had to do this as well! |
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mastiff
Emu Egg
Joined: Sep 13, 2008
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 7:28 pm Post subject: |
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Yup - been there! I cut a lot of people loose (including my ex-husband but that is another story )
Working with J was way more important. If people couldn't be productive (or at least tolerant) then I didn't need them in my life - and neither did J.
Having said that - repetition definitely works for him. If I need him to learn a task (a task that he needed to of course), then breaking it down and repeating it day after day worked. He responds to routine brilliantly. Any change in routine required much preparation - but that prep made life so much easier for both of us. Supermarkets used to be his nemesis - but now he enjoys going shopping with me and is a great help cos he is very strong, but he is now 13, it took years to get him this far.
Gentle introduction in stages was the key - repeated exposure to stress does NOT work (as you have obviously found out). Baby steps was/is out motto. I guess it was the slow desensitizing.
Good luck |
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picklejah
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: May 03, 2008
Posts: 57
Location: New England USA
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| Posted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 9:18 pm Post subject: Re: As a parent have you lost |
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| Tigger9592 wrote: | | some friends because of your childs diagnosis? I must say I have a few of my "friends" seem to have no understanding of this whatsoever they think you can "fix" the problem with discipline. Whats funny is that my daughter is more well behaved then there kids usually |
Yes - but I wouldn't sweat it. You will find many more along the way at various groups and therapists in the future. People who will be understanding and acceptable.
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whatamess
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 28, 2007
Posts: 543
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| Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 3:23 am Post subject: |
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| Yep, my brother and his wife...The idiots they are argued and complained about my 3 year old son when they visited us, because as we drove them around the island, my son kept "touching" my brother's wife and trying to give her a hug...I try to keep the peace, but keep it as far away as possible...Honestly, I am disgusted by their behavior, but until I move the heck away from all of them again, I ignore them and stay as far away as possible without causing chaos...Once I move, I'll tell them to $%$% themselves... |
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Saffy
Sea Gull
Joined: Sep 15, 2008
Posts: 230
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 4:39 am Post subject: |
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Yes I have lost a lot of " friends" because of my child's issues - he has Cerebral palsy, ADHD, ASD, Intellectual Disability and Epilepsy- he is also not toilet trained. This combination - does not always make for peaceful company.
However.. over the years I have found some wonderful new friends - some with children with disabilities and some very typical families. People know that it can be difficult for us to go places easily, so often they will come to us.
This week my son got an invitation to a birthday party - he gets them a LOT. I have given up being surprised by this( as I was initially ). It seems that even when you have a child that stands out in the crowd by a mile, that can be volatile and loud, aggressive and just all around difficult at times.. people can still see in him what we see. A cheerful, enthusiastic little boy who can be very charming and just LOVES people. The children at my sons school ( he is in a mainstream class room with a full time teacher aid) adore him, and are patient and understanding. He always has someone to play with ( always on his terms of course )and kids see his good qualities. This in turn I think helps the parents see the good things about him.
REcently the school put on a play and they gave my son a role where he had to dance in the play ( not just stand in the background ). I was sitting next to a child ( who did not know I was his mother ) and that child said to his parent " WOW look at Fynn go !! he's so cool !! " Firstly it was very brave of the school to put him in a specific role like that ( it really could have gone either way ) and secondly there were so many kids that just loved to see him doing well at something and accept him for who he is.
There are people out there that will see past your daughters diagnosis and see your little girl for who she is and love her for it. They will also see you as a person and not just the mother of a child with autism. Cherish those people and value them 
Last edited by Saffy on Tue Sep 16, 2008 7:04 am; edited 1 time in total |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2727
Location: new england
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| Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 7:00 am Post subject: |
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| yes, i've lost "friends" due to AS.........the reality is, though, that they obviously weren't my friends if they couldn't deal with our situation. i've kept the friends that were truly my friends. can't say that they really understand all of it, but at least they're supportive |
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SophiasMom
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Nov 30, 2007
Posts: 33
Location: Moncton, NB
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| Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 8:24 am Post subject: |
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| We haven't had a problem. I guess we have good friends. Well that & most of our socalizing is done after the kids are asleep. |
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DW_a_mom
Ignoring the To-Do List
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 3953
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 3:35 pm Post subject: |
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We've been fortunate and haven't had any issues with losing friends. Not that we have tons of friends to start with, lol, since my husband is fairly AS and I've got a few traits, but ...
As for repitition, I think it depends on what it is. I have seen with my son that conitinued exposure to something that is really stressful will eventually trip him, to where he can't take it all. For that sort of thing, it is better to lay off entirely, and wait until the child is ready. My son has eventually chosen to learn to deal with so many things that I wasn't sure he ever would, and with the choice being his, the adjustment is so much more effective.
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Jennyfoo
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 06, 2006
Posts: 532
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| Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 3:41 pm Post subject: |
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Nope, haven't lost friends due to that. We did lose friends and family too when we left our religion a few years back though.
We never had many friends outside of church groups and since we're both ASD as well, socializing is stressful and not something that brings us much joy. We're homebodies with a few neighbors we get along well with and could trust in an emergency and relatives close enough to help out when needed. |
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