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Liz217
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Oct 15, 2008
Posts: 36
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 Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 11:01 am Post subject: Anyone who's dealt with depression |
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Has anyone ever said or done anything that actually HELPED you get over a bout of depression? If so, please tell me what it was. My husband who is undiagnosed, but we're pretty sure AS is very sad right now. I am a hug-makes-it-better kind of person, but he's not. I feel so helpless not knowing what to do.
A close friend of his has attempted suicide. Not the attention getting kind of attempt, either. The real deal, and it's AMAZING she's still alive. When he talks to her, it makes [b]his[/b] depression worse. He asked if there was anything he could do to help prevent this and she asked that we keep in touch with her...... which means he'll go through this everytime.
Any and all advice is extremely welcome.
Last edited by Liz217 on Fri Oct 31, 2008 10:45 am; edited 1 time in total |
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lelia
Pika
Joined: Apr 12, 2007
Age: 57
Posts: 2254
Location: Vancouver not BC, Washington not DC
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| Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 12:45 pm Post subject: |
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No, absolutely not. My husband always wanted to fix me, but could not. I think thirty years later he is finally getting it. I suppose you could tell your husband that nothing you do helps him, and therefore nothing he could do for this friend would help her.
When the depression is situational instead of biochemical, praising God for everything good in my life from my pillow to my faithful husband helps me. When it's biochemical and praising God for His loving goodness does not help, I need antidepressents. |
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Jennyfoo
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 06, 2006
Posts: 532
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| Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 12:46 pm Post subject: |
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He needs to get in to see a psych. Perhaps talk-therapy would help. Perhaps he needs meds to help correct a chemical imbalance. There's really nothing you can do or say to help ease his depression unless it's situational depression and you have the power to change the situation.
I'm in a major depressive funk myself right now although I'm on Zoloft. Being sick with an autoimmune disease for 6+ months and now having a husband down with a deep vein clot in his leg, and 4 kids to basically single parent has been taking it's toll.
Good luck to you in getting him the help that he needs. |
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Taylor
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 19, 2008
Posts: 811
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| Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 12:51 pm Post subject: |
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| interesting her it goes again nice to meet Antone are you female...?v hmmm |
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DW_a_mom
Goofing Off
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 3210
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 12:55 pm Post subject: |
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The others are right. There really isn't much you can do. Be available to listen when he wants to talk, and do what you can to make things easier for him (helping out with some of his responsibilities can help, since I found those exhausting to get to when I was in the worst of it).
I think professional therapy is good, if he is open to that. Sometimes you just need to talk things through, and sometimes you need to say things that a loved one does not need to hear (and should not hear). Releasing negative thoughts is very helpful.
Also help remove obstacles to the things you know will make him feel better. It's really easy to see obstacles when you are depressed. As what might make him feel better: my husband, for example, really needs his health club time. Helping clear out space for that helps him stay happier. Or taking a walk together - being outside in the air can do a world of good. Just don't make him feel like he has to talk.
But it will never be, "do this and it goes away tomorrow." These are things to ease the phase, not remove it. That will happen on it's own, eventually, hopefully.
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Avatar copyright DW's Studio |
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Fraya
Demon with broken wings
Joined: Aug 22, 2006
Posts: 1675
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| Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 1:42 pm Post subject: |
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If its the depression that comes from losing the naive delusion that most people are under and you see life for what it really is that never goes away and there's nothing you can do about it.
What has been seen cannot be unseen.
_________________
One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you
Don't do anything at all
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"White Rabbit" - Jefferson Airplane |
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Mage
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 11, 2006
Posts: 1284
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| Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 2:51 pm Post subject: |
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I had some pretty major depression a few years back. Therapy didn't help. Meds didn't help. Socializing didn't help. Being in a mental institution didn't help.
Oddly enough, the one thing that broke me out of it was becoming pregnant. Suddenly I had something in the world that needed me more than anything, and I had something that's really worth living for.
Of course, this is probably of absolutely no use to you... maybe get him a puppy? |
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trialanderror
Blue Jay
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 32
Posts: 99
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| Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 3:44 pm Post subject: |
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I had pretty heavy depression a few years ago as well. Nothing helped me that is the standard treatment. I went to an institution because I was worried that I might do something stupid. What finally got me over it (functionally) was to realize that the only thing that hurts my feelings is me. No one can MAKE me feel anything. It is my thoughts that produce my feeling and I can change my thoughts because it is my mind. No one elses. Also, I have AS and I think that the reason it came on is because things were happening in my life as it does it many other lives, but for me it was harder to cope. I didn't see everything black and white. I see in bright orange! I felt way out of control and I wanted to have control over something. Holding myself up to a standard that is not realistic for me was the downfall. I basically had to yell at myself to stop trying to be what I'm not, because what I am is good enough. It was one of those "fake it til you make it" things for a while, but when you smile without having your heart in it, eventually your heart and mind start recognizing and follow suit.
As for his friend, same thing. He cannot control her thoughts and actions. We all have the power to change our thoughts and actions, so it futile to try and do it for someone. Anyone notice that this is why there are so many divorces? Even though it doesn't FEEL like you want to change how you think or what you are doing, you have to ask yourself "Is this working for me? No? Then I need to try something else". Change is good. Scary but good. Just making an effort to change the thoughts that are negative into positive ones regularly builds self esteem. I began the whole recovery by writing down the thoughts that were negative and writing alternatives , or writing problems and seeing how many things I could come up with to solve the problem. I realized that I was really rather creative and that the AS probably gave me that gift. I felt more in control and it got better steadily after that.
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2727
Location: new england
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| Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 5:42 pm Post subject: |
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i've suffered through major depression for both myself & my AS son. much depends on his willingness to seek help. my son was not willing to seek help. we forced him to anyways. it has taken quite some time to get him better. finding a good therapist , getting into a therapeutic school & getting on some anti-depressants that worked were really what helped.
as far me- therapy, anti-depressants and exercise have helped.
best of luck |
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Liz217
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Oct 15, 2008
Posts: 36
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| Posted: Fri Oct 31, 2008 10:51 am Post subject: |
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Thanks to everyone. He is NOT open to the idea of talking to a therapist. He's been there, and done that, and refuses. I'm his therapist, and I usually do pretty well, but this time, his heart is broken.
Mage-Interestingly enough, we did just get a puppy. (my avatar) When I got home yesterday, they were snuggled up taking a nap. The puppy seems to be a pretty good therapist too.
I guess each day he's getting a little better, but I'm afraid of the next time he will need to call his friend. He has to go through so much just to work up the courage to call her, but if he doesn't he'll hate himself. When she gets out of the hospital, I'm hoping she won't go back into her bad situation, so that when they talk, he can be the reassuring, upbeat guy he wants to be. |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2727
Location: new england
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| Posted: Fri Oct 31, 2008 4:11 pm Post subject: |
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| i've heard St Johns Wort is supposed to help with depression.....can find it in with other herbal remedies. |
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lionesss
The Queen of not your typical kind of jungle
Joined: Aug 22, 2008
Age: 34
Posts: 1578
Location: not anywhere near you
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| Posted: Fri Oct 31, 2008 11:09 pm Post subject: |
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| I deal with depression too and some of it I am sure is chemical and a lot of it is due to dealing with past issues from my childhood. But... when I think about it, I have never heard of anyone saying they had a good childhood, and yet many of them have found a way to find happiness. A therapist isn't a cure by any means but for me I have to say it helps some. It's too bad he isn't open to seeing a therapist... it COULD really help him, especially since he is dealing with his friend so much. But one thing I have been trying to do which does help is to look at the good things in my life instead of always dwelling on the negative things. It's not a cure but it has helped somewhat. However, I am not sure what else to suggest and I am sure none of this is really helpful anyway. I know he can't stop talking to his friend even though it may be causing more harm than good.. I am not sure what to say in regards to that. However, just keep an eye on it, if his depression is worsening then he will NEED medical treatment. |
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Ahaseurus2000
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 22, 2007
Posts: 765
Location: Tauranga, New Zealand
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| Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 1:52 am Post subject: |
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The 5 keys to recovering from / preventing depression:
1 - Bright Light (especially sunlight, so get active outdoors on sunny days, and put some lights on during those cloudy or rainy days.)
2 - Good Nutrition (check the ingredients on processed foods, and choose ones with less additives, and the right amount of fats / carbos / protein etc. for your diet.)
3 - Sleep Hygiene (depression can cause more REM sleep and less deep restorative sleep, which is why some people with depression dream more yet feel tired more often after waking. Keep the same strict sleep routine, avoid catnaps or sleeping in, and avoid mentally intensive activities directly before bed - no computer games for example - instead something relaxing and a little boring such as a book you've read before.)
4 - Keep Active (exercise regularly, this includes chores and physical routines. Gardening during the summer months is a way to keep active and meet your Bright Light needs. Why drive a half-mile to the store for milk when you could walk? Endorphins are your friend!)
5 - Avoid toxins (cut back on drugs, alcohol, junk food, etc. But especially avoid troublesome people! If your boss or co-worker is a bully, get help or another job. If the people you live with are neurotic, stand up for yourself or find a new flat, if applicable. Ideally, anyone who is toxic, neurotic, bullying, who uses, mistreats you or is a fake friend should be cut completely out of your life. Failing that, minimise contact with them and take a zero-tolerance policy to their bad behaviour - and follow up on that policy if they continue to hassle you. People who behave badly are one of the biggest toxins you can face - don't underestimate them!)
I also recommend meditation if you can take it up - it can help one to cope with depressing and suicidal thoughts.
_________________
High-Functioning Asperger's Syndrome, Depression, PTSD, Anxiety Disorder.
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Life is Painful. Suffering is Optional.
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Mage
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 11, 2006
Posts: 1284
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| Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 10:24 am Post subject: |
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| Those are all some really good suggestions, Ahaseurus. I think in many cases, and it was true with me, I spent so much time indoors, not eating right, not sleeping right, that my body was as unhealthy as my mind. It's really hard to fix those things on your own when you're depressed though, because there is a pretty big lack of motivation to get better. I hope Liz can manage to help her husband out along these lines. |
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beartwinsmom
Hummingbird
Joined: Oct 22, 2008
Posts: 23
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| Posted: Sun Nov 16, 2008 11:56 pm Post subject: |
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I have major depressive disorder, so I can totally relate to how your husband feels. I also have a son with AS. I see many AS traits in myself, but the neuropsychologist said I didn't fit the profile. Whatever... when I look at my son, he reminds me of me when I was that age.
There are some great ideas here.
Ironically, they recommend that people with depression should get out and live life, but it's hard when all a depressed person feels is to shut out the world. My problem is that I feel that no one really cares, or that I am not liked (that people are just being nice to me just to be nice- for pity's sake). I really don't have many IRL friends, so that has impact on how I feel as well.
Sorry.. didn't mean to threadjack here. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. |
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