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9CatMom
Ailurophile
Joined: Jan 02, 2007
Posts: 5893
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 Posted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 8:49 pm Post subject: |
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Good lists!
I am 43 and also grew up at a time when AS was an unknown diagnosis. I could have used help coping with bullies. |
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makelifehappen
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 05, 2007
Posts: 548
Location: Toronto
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| Posted: Thu Oct 02, 2008 1:16 am Post subject: |
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All of these things said, we still decided to remove our child from the school system because of the lack of support, understanding, consistency and interest in our daughters health and well-being...*wipes brow*
Now, if only we had the cash to hire a lawyer for slanderous statements, misrepresentation, lack of professionalism, confidentiality, work ethics and bull$h1t stories they concocted about our family, we'd be in better shape...
Instead we removed her from school, program plan, teach, set up volunteer opportunities and field trips, pay out of pocket for social skills training, OT, personal growth and development courses such as arts, music, etc annnnnnnd... lose out on the 2nd income. *sigh*
We do it because we love our daughter, not because it benefits our pocket or our time.
She is happier, safer and no longer the child living in fear or threatening to take her own life.
Annnnnnd, if she is happy, we are happy and that was the goal:)
_________________
It isnt a programming error, it is an operating system... |
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RhondaR
Raven
Joined: Apr 14, 2007
Posts: 124
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| Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 2:13 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you for posting and contributing to this thread. We just began the process of attempting to secure an IEP for our son - he's 9 and has been dx'ed for almost 2 years now. Up until this year, he was doing pretty well - we had a few issues to deal with, but nothing that I couldn't work with him on, and I never minded doing it. This year though, has been tough. He's in 4th grade, the work is harder - and he can't just allow his mind to wander away for a bit and come back without really missing a lot, which he does. Of course the social aspect has really changed as well, and that hasn't helped.
A couple of things I wanted to address:
I see that a lot of people have decided to homeschool their kids rather than deal with the school system. I think this is very much a personal choice - and naturally all of us are going to do what is best for our kids. Here is why, at least for the time being, I won't homeschool: I think that as much as it would be easier to have my son stay at home and teach him myself, he has to learn how to deal in our world. Our world isn't going to suddenly bend over backwards to accomodate him - he has to at least learn how to function in reality. I'm not saying he's going to like it all of the time (how many of us, NT or otherwise - ALWAYS like the way the world works?), and I'm certainly not saying that when he is grown he won't choose a profession that doesn't require as much time with the public, but I do believe in my heart that we have to teach them how to function. That said, aside from school itself - his other activities are what HE chooses to participate in. It's a balance. He didn't like team sports - and hey, I can't blame him there. So, we gave him other options (I feel that he does need exercise of some sort, but it's his choice as to what he does) and he chose Karate. He loves it because there are firm rules that he knows, and there are definite "pats on the back" - like when he tests and earns a new belt level. My point being that we try to balance. Of course, if the day should come where I see he's not getting the help he needs at school, and basically the system is failing him - then I will definitely rethink what we're doing. It's an ongoing discussion in our house and will probably continue!
I saw that someone had taken issue with the goal of having eye contact. Perhaps I misunderstood the other posters sentiment....but if not here is my take: I know that this is once again, personal preference as well as taking into account the differences of each of our children. Although many of us, if not ourselves as well, have the diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome, that doesn't mean they all manifest in the same way, and I realize that. However, for my son - I think SHOULD be a goal. In our world - it's a necessary way of communicating with other people. There's nothing wrong with teaching our children how to adapt to society - society is not going to be adapting to them, like it or not. Eye contact can sometimes be very uncomfortable, even for NT's, but it's something that I feel is important...and for a lot of Aspies (of course not all), can definitely be learned. I know this because my son had almost NO eye contact several years ago - and now, he's able to hold eye contact extremely well.
I'm all for celebrating the differences - but I also firmly believe that our children have to be taught and given tools so that they are able to adapt and be successful in the world. I'm not expecting, nor do I want my son to change - I just want him to be able to look back when he's grown and be able to say that his parents gave him all of the necessarily tools to be successful. Perhaps not all agree, and that's OK. We all have to do what we think is best for our children.  |
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Lainie
Snowy Owl
Joined: May 28, 2007
Posts: 167
Location: California
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| Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 3:23 am Post subject: |
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I have read from several adult aspies that eye contact can be painful. This is why I won't push my youngest to have eye contact.
He is just fine the way he is and the world can just adjust to his needs. There are much bigger fish to fry. |
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adma26
Emu Egg
Joined: Apr 20, 2009
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Mon Apr 20, 2009 11:54 pm Post subject: |
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| Lainie wrote: | I have read from several adult aspies that eye contact can be painful. This is why I won't push my youngest to have eye contact.
He is just fine the way he is and the world can just adjust to his needs. There are much bigger fish to fry. |
I am a parent of a child who is not dx with Aspergers (yet) but certainly has many traits of AS. My son has a hard time maintaining eye contact. I find sustained eye contact extremely difficult when having a conversation. Painful would be a good way to describe it. It just seems way too personal - makes me extremely uncomfortable. I did not even know how much I avoided eye contact until a coworker about 12 yrs ago pointed it out to me. Since then, I have been trying to make myself do it but it is really hard.
I have told my son to look near someone's eyes, like their nose or chin.
I agree that forcing a child to make eye contact, if they feel the way I feel when I try to sustain eye contact, might be a battle to skip, and perhaps teach them why eye contact is important in conversation and ways to show that they are focused on the conversation and even teach the tricks to give the appearance of eye contact as an alternative. |
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ladivegas
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 11, 2009
Posts: 17
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| Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2009 3:09 am Post subject: |
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[I'm all for celebrating the differences - but I also firmly believe that our children have to be taught and given tools so that they are able to adapt and be successful in the world. I'm not expecting, nor do I want my son to change - I just want him to be able to look back when he's grown and be able to say that his parents gave him all of the necessarily tools to be successful. Perhaps not all agree, and that's OK. We all have to do what we think is best for our children]
I totally agree that we need to give our children the tools to be successful. I have son who I believe is an aspie. He was a lot of bad behavior and trouble in school with his peers and disrupting class. I am doing my best to help him understand how to behave and interact with others.
I was very antisocial and painfully shy as a child so I didnt get into trouble like he does. He is the opposite. He is very talkative and doesnt know his boundries. I had to learn how to be around people, how to greet people, how to talk to people. I always thought is was stupid to say hi to everyone you see. Then people thought I was rude if I didnt. So even though it felt strange for me to greet people or to make small talk. I made myself do it so not to be rude.
I am trying to get my son in the habit of doing things he may think strange as I did but that if does them long enough he will get used to it and people wont think he is so odd.
I do believe social interaction can be taught. The person may always think it is absurd or feels strange but at least they will seem a little normal and fit into society. |
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Tory_canuck
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 09, 2009
Age: 24
Posts: 1200
Location: Red Deer, Alberta, Canada
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| Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 1:31 am Post subject: |
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I was on an IEP up until grade 1, then they started to mainstream me in grade 2 whereby I spent most of my time in the regular class, but about an hour a day in the resource room.I then was FULLY mainstreamed in grade 4.I functioned well acedemically, but found it kinda hard socially.I think most of the reason I did well acedemically was because of the dedication of the teachers along with parental involvement during such.I started to independantly study on my own at home with my homework without help in grade 5 and was still mainstreamed.I did average. Grade 6, my math mark went down but I did excellent in everything else.I found math hard.In grade 7, I did ok on my own but was still struggling with math.Socially grade 7 was ok.Half the day, was spent being taught by one teacher who pretty much just gave us notes and a lecture, and the rest of the day we did our work independantly.I liked that...I moved my desk to the back of the room in a corner between two wooden cupboard cabinets...It was my own little personal corner...and I kept alot of my stuff there.Nobody teased or bothered me there.I still got help with assignments from the teacher when I needed it.
Throughout the rest of my years after that, I was at the catholic high school, where I did ok acedemically in the mainstream classes, and graduated.I am now going to Red Deer College and don't need any disability accomodations.
_________________
Honour over deciet, merit over luck, courage over popularity, duty over entitlement...dont let the cliques fool you for they have no honour...only superficial deceit.
ALBERTAN...and DAMN PROUD OF IT!!
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Tory_canuck
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 09, 2009
Age: 24
Posts: 1200
Location: Red Deer, Alberta, Canada
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| Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 1:37 am Post subject: |
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As for being horrible in math goes, but excellent in English and Social (political science, history, and economics) , I was able to concentrate better in the classes I did good in.I did horrible in math because I found it difficult to stay focused.I passed math 20 pure (grade 11 higher acedemic math) with a grade of 53 but failed math 30 pure (grade 12 higher acedemic math), so I took math 30 applied (grade 12 remedial math) so I could get my diploma.I passed physics 20, mainly because the teacher had many after school help classes and I got the one on one help I needed.I found it easier to do the equations with someone standing by me and sorta coaching me through it.If nobody is around to help, I lose focus and go off into my own little world.The same went for math 30 pure...I kinda needed someone to babysit me through it or I'd lose my focus and go into my own little world.I ALWAYS HAVE STRUGGLED IN MATH, since grade 6.
_________________
Honour over deciet, merit over luck, courage over popularity, duty over entitlement...dont let the cliques fool you for they have no honour...only superficial deceit.
ALBERTAN...and DAMN PROUD OF IT!!
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Aidans_Mum
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Sep 26, 2009
Posts: 27
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 3:30 pm Post subject: |
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So I printed off all of these lists and brought them into the school when we met with the Special Education teacher and the classroom teacher. I highlighted some that were most pertinent to my son, and then yesterday he came home with his IEP. For strengths it said: Math. For needs it said: proximity to the teacher at times, a quiet environment to write tests.
That's it.
Big sigh.
And the struggle continues...
_________________
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"I'm not insane. My mother had me tested" - Sheldon, from The Big Bang Theory |
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Vivienne
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Dec 23, 2009
Posts: 182
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2009 8:10 pm Post subject: |
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| RhondaR wrote: |
I see that a lot of people have decided to homeschool their kids rather than deal with the school system. I think this is very much a personal choice - and naturally all of us are going to do what is best for our kids. Here is why, at least for the time being, I won't homeschool: I think that as much as it would be easier to have my son stay at home and teach him myself, he has to learn how to deal in our world. Our world isn't going to suddenly bend over backwards to accommodate him - he has to at least learn how to function in reality. I'm not saying he's going to like it all of the time |
I wanted to address the bolded part in this quote, but to be fair I put it in it's proper context (don't want you to feel beat up on Rhonda)
Though you have a very valid and reasonable point, I just wanted to add that some kids, not just kids with ASD, can go through very real depressions. As parents we may be focused on the end goal - their future - but as kids they are swallowed up with the day-to-day life they're stuck in. If school is dreaded, their whole life can seem horrible.
If your child has been communicating to you for years or months that school is horrible, and changes are happening extremely slowly or not at all, and they then mention things like 'killing themselves', you, as a parent, NEED to take that seriously and act.
I know everyone's "supposed" to go to school. But if school is making my kid suicidal then I'll be damed if I'll send him there! And no, the world won't bend to my kids special needs, but he's not an adult yet - I am still 'all supreme ruler' of his life and my main job as a parent is to protect him and keep him alive.
No matter how it turns out, he will know I am his mother and I love him more than I love our current societies 'expectations'.
So understand that some parents are in a different position. Their children may be prone to depression or going to school with a particularly cruel bunch of midgets. In such a case, taking your child out of that school could be a lifesaving thing.
(1st suicide attempt, age 13)
_________________
Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.
~Thomas à Kempis
"Be plain, good son, and homely in thy drift;
Riddling confession finds but riddling shrift"
~Shakespeare |
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JenniferMom
Butterfly
Joined: Nov 13, 2008
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Sun Jan 03, 2010 12:56 pm Post subject: My thought on IEP |
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First, a question. How do you recommend that the goals be assessed? Any special tips for helping with severe anxiety due to fear of breaking unknown mystery rules? My 17 year old HS sophmore is recovering from recent suicide attempt due to anxiety and depression.igree with Vivienne that if school is he'll you have to take immediate action to fix things.
Now for the rant. We write the IEP and the Resource room teacher chucks it. Same thing happened last year. The day my son went to the hospital for suicidal thoughts, his RR teacher said she was still getting to know him - 4 months into school year! When she e
wiled me to say she'd left his homework in the counseling center she said," I hope you and yours are looking forward to a happy holiday!" my son was still inthe hospital!
I am not an expert because middle school was a dream. But I'm planning on lurking in that RRoom as much as possible. That's all I can think of. Spence doesn't want to be home schooled.
Only other advice is to contact the teachers directly and not depend on RR teacher. They're much more receptive - they all love Spencer because he's so concientious - really to a fault. |
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