Taineyah
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Jun 25, 2004
Posts: 194
Location: Ontario, Canada
|
 Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2004 9:48 am Post subject: |
 |
|
I don't know how to explain this properly and without coming off as super-insulting, but I'm going to try--An NT most definitely does not have to understand the way an AS mind works for a relationship to start or work out.
Until last December I had never heard of Asperger's. I learned about it by accident while researching Joan of Arc for school and looking up Juvenile Psychiatric Disorders (those were my exact search terms). I had my bf long before that.
I think that an NT has to understand how your mind works in order to be with you, not how an AS mind works. NT minds don't work exactly the same. By expansion of that statement, human minds don't work exactly the same. By respecialisation, Aspies are human and AS minds don't work exactly the same.
I think that what a lot of us forget is that we are people. People who don't quite fit into "normal" society, but people just like the NTs. We let ourselves be defined by AS as opposed to letting AS be defined by Aspies.
Each of us Aspies is different. What makes us the same is that we all have AS. Don't let that define who you are or what kind of people you date. Please?
(Wow... I think I'm on a roll this morning. I'm sorry if I'm sounding insulting to the rest of the world!)
_________________
Without the weird people, how could anyone define normal? |
|
| Back to top |
|
pokeapoke
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jul 06, 2004
Posts: 70
Location: Oklahoma City
|
| Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2004 11:02 pm Post subject: how about me? |
|
|
Enigma, I've read in another post your from New York, and are 15, I happen to be 15 living in Oklahoma     |
|
| Back to top |
|
the_enigma
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jun 20, 2004
Posts: 148
|
| Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2004 11:10 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| That's cool! We have a lot in common |
|
| Back to top |
|
the_enigma
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jun 20, 2004
Posts: 148
|
| Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2004 11:31 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Taineyah,
All I'm trying to say is since we all have the same disorder many of us have had the same experiences and can relate to each other better. I would hate to explain every stupid thing I do to an NT. I want people to instantly get me not try to figure me out and look pass my weirdness just because they're physically attracted to me.
I agree that all AS people don't have the same way of thinking and we all are individuals but I'd rather go with the person who understands what I go through rather than the one who doesn't understand anything.
We are all similar because we have a neurological difference in our brains from NT's but the thing that makes us all individuals are our genetics and possibly the enviroment that influences us.
To some extent all NT minds work the same way and I'm just wired differently. The NT's may have various ways of thinking among each other but they are still alike in the sense that they don't have AS and will possibly never get it.
Do I really have to have the problems that come with AS interfere with a relationship with a NT?
I think that we should all date who ever we want whether it's NT or AS people but to make my life and the NT's life easier, it's best not to burden each other with our differences and not cause problems that aren't needed. If you really love the NT and think the relationship is worth it, I suggest you go ahead and have your relationship.
I still prefer an aspie for a relationship. |
|
| Back to top |
|
LadyBug
Banned
Joined: Jul 07, 2004
Posts: 266
Location: Maryland
|
| Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2004 7:49 am Post subject: |
|
|
Last edited by LadyBug on Mon Jul 26, 2004 5:15 pm; edited 1 time in total |
|
| Back to top |
|
sheila
Butterfly
Joined: Jul 17, 2004
Posts: 11
Location: SF Bay Area
|
| Posted: Sat Jul 17, 2004 6:35 pm Post subject: an older aspie's take on aspie dating |
|
|
There have been a few times when I spotted a guy who I just somehow knew was "like me". On these occasions I actually approached and spoke to them and my hunch about them was right. This was before I knew about Asperger's. Anyway, I think there might be something like "gaydar" for aspie people, maybe we can just spot each other.
I married one of these guys, and tho he definately wasn't an Aspie, I think he might be somewhere on the continuim because he was very social, and he had language problems, but he was an absolute genius at math and engineering. He could look at a building and I could say, draw a cross section of that building cut at a 30 degree angle and he would draw it FREEHAND and I would measure it and it would be correct. Freaky!
Anyway, if you get the feeling that you spot someone like you, go ahead and approach them because if they are an aspie, they will understand and you can be very matter-of-fact with them; like: "hi, I noticed you and I think we might have some things in common. What's your name?" I've done that to aspies and they respond fine.
Also, wear the Passport so other aspies can spot you. Wear an orange band on your wrist. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Scoots5012
Senior Member
Joined: Jul 02, 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 2353
Location: Cedar Falls/Waterloo Iowa
|
| Posted: Sat Jul 17, 2004 9:48 pm Post subject: |
|
|
The whole idea of me, a male aspie actually being able to start a relationship with an NT female is something I don't think I'll ever be able to do. Every time I've ever had a conversation with someone of the opposite sex, I've never gotten past the point of... "so, what's your phone number?" Most women I've ever run across end up thinking of me as being "weird"
But then again I have a hard time relating to NT's so who the heck knows! |
|
| Back to top |
|
CockneyRebel
Mick Avory, Sensitive brown-eyed Sweet Pea
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 38
Posts: 87361
Location: In a quiet and peaceful garden, where gentle Mick Avory-like Sweet Peas grow.
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 18, 2004 6:06 am Post subject: |
|
|
I'd like to find myself a nice decent Aspie man about my age. I'd like to be in a relationship with someone who would understand my quirks.
Smiles |
|
| Back to top |
|
Tom_FL_MA
Forum Moderator
Joined: Jul 05, 2004
Age: 35
Posts: 304
Location: Central Florida; originally southeastern Massachusetts
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 18, 2004 4:58 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Scoots5012 wrote: | | The whole idea of me, a male aspie actually being able to start a relationship with an NT female is something I don't think I'll ever be able to do. |
I would think this would be the case for all male aspies, but for some reason that isn't the case. Just like many of those with AS; several here I'm sure do more things in their personal lives than I do. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Unico
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Jul 23, 2004
Age: 30
Posts: 187
Location: Glen Ellyn, Illinois, USA
|
| Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2004 8:13 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I think it definitely depends on the two individuals in the relationship. There's a wide variety in the autistic spectrum, so two people with AS could clash even more than one person with AS matched with a very senstive, odd NT (or non NT/non ASD person, such as someone with ADD). A lot of people display autistic characteristics, just not enough to get them labeled as being "on the spectrum." I've made a number of friends with ADD or are just plain odd (possibly just not dx'd AS) and some people with AS just rub me the wrong way. I think it's probably much more likely two people with similar neurologies/interests/personalities would have a successful relationship, but in many cases, that probably would be AS/AS. Again, it would really depend on the individuals and their autistic subtypes as to whether they'd get along well in an intimate relationship. Some NTs (though probably a slim minority) could probably interact well enogh with someone on the spectrum for an intimate relationship to work. |
|
| Back to top |
|
KtMcS
Sea Gull
Joined: Jun 17, 2004
Posts: 226
Location: United Kingdom
|
| Posted: Sat Jul 24, 2004 5:42 pm Post subject: |
|
|
having said what i said...i havent ever met another aspie to my knowledge.
any close encounters have been with NTs. a lot of AS people online rub me up the wrong way (no-one on here) usually because they seem to forget they are human. maybe they'd be different in person.
_________________
ciamar a tha thu
Sonas càirdeas
|
|
| Back to top |
|
Kenorri
Hummingbird
Joined: Jul 07, 2004
Posts: 22
Location: Maryland,USA
|
| Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2004 6:16 pm Post subject: AS relationships |
|
|
| My first real girlfriend in HS was a fellow aspie. She was kind of nerdy and used to bang her head softly on the basement wall to relieve stress. We lasted 2 years until she got sick of my lack of direction and what she thought was uncaring. I just was not demonstrative and had to work real hard to be friendly and interested in someone else. I felt lost afterwards for a few months but I had learned a lot from her and have had a few successful relationships afterwards. Faint heart never won fair lady. I married a woman I met in professional school and we have been together 18 years now. 2 kids, 2 cars, a house and mortgage really helps me focus on what is important. I can't sit in my room on the X-Box or computer. She is NT but seems to understand and love me despite my peculiarities. My daughter is like me and my son is like her. For what it's worth, Kennori. |
|
| Back to top |
|
ASMAN
Blue Jay
Joined: Oct 12, 2004
Posts: 97
|
| Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2004 8:45 pm Post subject: AS/AS rekantionships happen all the time!! |
|
|
Ya know this thing is hereditary, And people on the spectrum are known to have parents who are both on the spectrum. This is not rare within the AS community. but it is probably less than %50. I would rather be with aspie and maybe more than one at the same time. Who said the NT culture gets to set the rules for AS culture. I mean are all square pegs trying to fit in round holes.
Before the modern era marriages was arranged. Perfect for apsies. Hey most apies when they young think friends are people who say hello to them once. Aspies in arranged marriages would probably fair better.
Now marriages happen when u "synch" ie there is a large role played by the "theory of mind" |
|
| Back to top |
|
chamoisee
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 28, 2004
Age: 40
Posts: 1066
Location: Idaho
|
| Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 4:25 pm Post subject: |
|
|
An AS reelationship can and DOES work.
After years of unsucessful relationshipd, miscommunication, being misunderstood, and rejection by men who were put off my my obsessiveness, and trying (mostly in vain) to understand and be understood, and feeling worthless because I just COULD NOT make it work, whatever the hell I did, I have <b>FINALLY</b> found my soul mate, thank to this forum. He is aspie like me, we are of almost exactly the same mind. It feels like finding a piece of me that was lost at birth and that I had been searching for ever since.
I am so happy!!!!! We are like two peas in a pod, communication is *effortless* (and that still amazes me). I am realizing now that my long series of failures and rejections were because I was on a different wavelength, just had to find the right person.
I have to say though, that I think there is more to it than our both being aspie. We were meant for each other. And I think this will work. |
|
| Back to top |
|
vetivert
gagged, but never silent
Joined: Sep 18, 2004
Posts: 5768
|
| Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 4:39 pm Post subject: |
|
|
yay! chamoisee - well done you, and congratulations!
mx |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
