Why do we fail?

Brusilov · Deinonychus Joined: Mar 31, 2009 Age: 24 Posts: 330

The nature vs. nurture debate has been going on since the time of Rousseau and the consensus today is that we are born with a "blank slate" and that all we are is the sum of our experiences. But people with AS are clearly born differently. Some might like to argue that Aspergers develops from failed social encounters that occur upon entering the social world of school between the ages of 5 and 8 years old. However, it is clear that some symptoms of AS are present in infants(such as failure to cry for attention or play with toys) and AS seems to have a high rate of being passed down from generation to generation(My grandfather had undiagnosed AS.) It seems to me that people with Aspergers share some physical characteristics as well, such as prominent, pointy chins. Aspergers is passed down on an unknown gene and is not the result of a vaccine or a traumatic event that occurs early in childhood, although trauma can definitely exacerbate the symptoms.

People with AS don't have the power to make choices regarding their social development. No amount of nurturing or coaxing from parents or peers can turn an AS individual into a "social animal." The defining characteristic of AS is the inability to have a satisfactory social life. If we really believe that how we are raised is the sole basis for our development as people, than everyone, including those with Aspergers, would have great personal lives if that was what our parents wanted for us. My parents did everything they could to make me a gregarious, extroverted person, and their best efforts failed. If I had had a choice, I would have gone the direction that they wanted me to go but my inability to interact with my peers forced me down a different path. Most little kids with AS want to make friends(and usually at first kids want to befriend them), and their parents want their kids to have friends, but there is a disconnect in the brain that prevents early extra-familial relationships from forming. Even with all the cards stacked in one's favor, AS gives no chance to even be "average" in the social arena. We want to be gregarious, but we don't know how.

Clearly we are born different. We will usually enter the school system undiagnosed. Boys will begin to show signs of AS in kindergarden, but it remains latent in girls until about age 12. AS and NT males have the onus of having to show proficiency in athletics in order to gain the respect of male peers, and those kids who are awkward on the playing field have to suffer the humiliation of being picked last for games, which leads to the development of an inferiority complex. When an AS boy drops a ball on the field and incurs the wrath of his peers(who already regard him as nerdy,) he draws more negative attention to himself. Kids with AS(typically more gifted ones), thus focus on developing a special talent or hobby that becomes their obsession so that they can have a positive character trait to compensate for lack of friends or athletic ability. But we don't know how to regulate our obsession so our hobby becomes all that we do; All that time invested in playing the piano takes away from other things we have to do to keep abrest with our peers. Our peers start to pass us up and they begin to talk about more mature topics that our over our head, leaving us out from "the chain."

It is more appropriate for a young girl with AS, at least in elementary school, to get buy. That is because shyness, willingness to learn, being a "goody-two-shoes", and lack of interest in physical activities are acceptable for young girls. But AS boys come to school with everything inherent in a "Nerdy" personality that just invites social rejection and bullying. We don't realize when we are eight years old that it is not cool to like school, tattle, answer all the teacher's questions, or be a "Know-it-all." We are being ostracized and shoved into lockers but we can't comprehend why; all we know is that we are developing slower socially and nothing we can apply in our lives can change our peers' perception of us. As people, we see that we can't keep up with our peers in many facets of life, and worry that we will struggle in the future as the demands of the world become greater. It is overwhelming to keep pace with the changing styles, homework, bullying pressure, and parents expectations, so by middle school we just seem to give up.

Failure in athletics is where it all starts. That initial failure is the building block for all of the others. Inability to participate in sports leaves us out of essential male bonding experiences. All attempts we make to conform to teen culture fail; even if we adopt a current fashion or make an awkward attempt to make friends outside of our "league," we just come off as trying to do a dance without knowing the steps. Since we are not proficient in any conventional areas of being a youth, we decide to cultivate a unique talent that we falsely believe will gain us some acceptance in a circle. We think if we can impress girls with some unique talent, they will want to date us. However, we are severly delusional as to the true nature of teen culture. We appear to our parents and teachers to be extremely naive. To others, nothing we do makes any sense, even though our actions are completely rational to us.

By the time we are 14, we totally fall apart, having completely failed to entrench a spot for ourselves in this world. We do not even have a table at which to eat lunch. 11 to 15 years of age are "The Black Years."