25 and I dunno what to do with my life: Aspie thinking?

raisedbyignorance · Posted: Wed May 13, 2009 5:18 pm Post subject:

Long rant: You've been warned!

I’m 25 with a college BA Degree, and still no clue what to do with my life.

I feel I kinda screwed myself over on this though. I always lived life believing that the path I need to take in life would just show itself in an unexpected way that preparing and planning for it would be pointless. Man was I wrong on that.

So I try to think about the careers that I have considered in the past. One of the biggies was being a teacher. I was put under immense stress when applying for college for elementary education was kinda of on the spot decision. But I did kinda believe this was what I wanted to do. Help give kids a better education and more sympathy by their mentors than I was given.

I dropped out of Elementary Ed after a year because I hated the classes and the requirements of the program. I switch the Creative Writing and Video Production the next year.

All in all, while I would’ve been given a stable career and salary in being a teacher, I feel I made the right decision to not pursue a career as a teacher. Given my poor ability to communicate and reach out to people, I’m more concerned about the people I could fail or hurt because of my poor attitude with others.

I have aspirations of wanting to become a TV writer but many things about pursuing such a huge career concerns me. Among other things, whether or not my creativity is good of frequent enough for that kind of job. I have many story ideas (doesn’t everyone) but I wonder if it is all just wishful Aspie-thinking. Many of us with AS are often inspired by the stories we grew up and became obsessed with to do things like fanfiction. While fanfiction is not original, it does open up our ability to tell stories in a creative matter, even if the characters belong to someone else.

My other weakness is my ability to concentrate on writing. My grades in Creative Writing in college were average (a few classes with As and A-s but the rest were in the B section). I want to give this a shot, I really do, but I just cant seem to concentrate on getting into writing something of such complex originality. I want to submit a TV pilot script for a writing fellowship.

But I think about the stories, TV shows, and movies that I’ve made up in my head that have consumed my entire life. Again is it just standard Aspie-thinking? Have I gone completely over my head pursuing a career that would be really fun, but insanely stressful for an aspie like me, with zero knowledge of what’s in store here?

There are things I always wanted/dreamed to do only to find out that I really suck at them...the big ones being singing and acting. Turns out I am terrible at both no matter how hard I tried pursuing these passion in high school...never getting into any play or musical only made me feel more miserable about myself. I got to try my hand at video directing for a couple of classes in college but never got to do so for major extracurricular project.

I'm scared that that kind of thing will just happen again with writing here.

And if this is something I should NOT pursue, then what should I do with my life then? I had no real career goals that consumed my mind this much. I’m an idea person but I wonder: am I capable of writing this stuff with no real knowledge of script writing? How do I know if I really want to do what it is I want to do? I’ve lived my life with no real passions and no real goals, but it seems like you’ve got to have real passions in order to get anywhere in life.

It hurt my brain to think about what the hell I should do with my life when my interests are small and vague. I wish I had one major obsession so I could just focus on that but it's different for me and thus much more difficult to have a career goal in mind. I want to have a dream job...I just don't know what that dream job could possibly be for me.