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spacephrawg
Blue Jay
Joined: Oct 23, 2006
Age: 30
Posts: 80
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 Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 12:32 am Post subject: Trouble getting along with other Aspies |
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I'm an interesting case. I have a fairly mild case of AS. Where ever I go, I'm either the most or least normal person in the room. Except when theres mostly neurotypicals around and there's one other Aspie. Then all of a sudden people realize I'm actually "not all that bad".
I discovered something in high school. I really don't get along well with other people on the spectrum. Typically they look up to me because I'm fairly well adjusted in some areas. However I find them to be bloody annoying, perhaps because they are exaggerations of things I'm insecure about. I mean no disrespect to any of you. I just find this to be so.
There's an Aspergers association where I live. I find the concept of one to be extremely amusing. Thing is its extremely stressful to go there. Everyone's got "The Look". The social unease is palpable. The stereotypes display themselves large as life. My god it is annoying. I asked a few of the more normal-seeming Aspies there if they felt similarly about fellow aspies. They thought i was on drugs or something.
Later I asked my psychologist about this. he has a lot of experience with people on the spectrum. He told me that it is common that people on the spectrum find other people with the condition to be annoying. He attempted to explain to me why and i was already way ahead of him.
However I haven't met any similarly minded aspies, perhaps for the better. Online is a different matter, but they're still rare.
Am I alone in this? |
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TheSpecialKid
Velociraptor
Joined: Aug 31, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 447
Location: Denmark
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| Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 10:30 am Post subject: |
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I know two aspies, and I have no problem with them at all. One is (currently) my best friend, the other is family.
However, I also know a person who has Autism (Kanners), and him I can find pretty annoying sometimes.
But I just accept it, and let it be the way it is. |
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whitetiger
Passionate Advocate
Joined: Feb 04, 2009
Age: 44
Posts: 1702
Location: Oregon
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| Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 10:34 am Post subject: |
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I was in a support group in NC with 6 members and now I'm in a support group in OR with 24 members. So, I know a lot of aspies.
In NC, there was one woman who just whined all the time, in a whiney voice. Everything was negative and nothing we suggested would work. No one could stand to be around her.
I don't fit a lot of the AS stereotypes and I can pass for normal. Then again, I am female and 40. Females present AS very differently and are harder to detect. We also compensate for social deficits as we age.
Still, my AS is not mild, but moderate. It's been measured by a psychologist on a "level of functioning" scale. So, it's how much AS impacts your life that determines the severity of your condition, not how close you appear to "normal."
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I am a very strange female.
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Don't take life so seriously. It isn't permanent! |
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whipstitches
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 13, 2009
Age: 39
Posts: 323
Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
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| Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 10:51 am Post subject: |
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I've never really met any adults who have a diagnosis of AS. However, since I now know what some of the "traits" are, I can safely say that when I have encountered others with a high volume of these "traits".... I typically have fantasies about bashing them in the head with a brick! Mostly people who are in possesion of the "rigid" trait who happen to also be inclined to "not back down" no matter what anyone else says. The majority of the other traits I have no problem with. A great example.... I "suspect" that my husband and my father-n-law are both Aspies. Mostly because my daughter is being assessed for AS right now (they are still weeding out all the "other" possible diagnosis) and my husband identifies with most of the characteristics of AS. Oddly, I do too and I have almost finalized my own AS diagnosis with the doctors. My husbands father seems to also be Aspie-like, but he also seems to have a personality disorder to go along with it (possibly OCPD). Long story short, this man (my father-n-law) is my nemasis!!! I absolutely can't stand the man to the point that I have actually told him to his face that I think he has a serious mental problem and that we would all be better for it if he would just realize this and seek some treatment. Despite the repulsive personality of my father-n-law, my husband is rather pleasant most of the time. We have our issues from time to time because we both have some mild control issues, but we are doing alright. We know we have the tendancy and we always keep that in the backs of our minds.
I guess I have gotten off the track a bit.....
In short, YES.... sometime I do find people with AS traits to be amongst the most annoying people that I have ever met.
Sort of makes me sad..... because that means by definition... I have to include myself in there someplace.....  |
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arielhawksquill
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 29, 2008
Posts: 1020
Location: Midwest
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| Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 11:05 am Post subject: |
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| I have read this kind of complaint numerous times in this and other forums. I'm beginning to suspect that ALL Aspies think they can pass for neurotypical, and think that it's only those OTHER Aspies who exhibit the stereotypical traits. Obviously, that can't be objectively true. I think that most people with AS simply lack the external self-awareness to realize how they appear to other people. |
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Greentea
Goddess of Wisdom
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Age: 51
Posts: 5678
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 11:17 am Post subject: |
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I don't think so, because I've been accepted for jobs that required excellent presentation. I know that at first I don't seem different, it's only afterwards, when they start to get to know me better and I start relaxing, that they notice something about me is ""weird"".
I believe there are as many levels of """normal"" as there are aspies, therefore it's very hard to find people who are as functioning as we are. Some are less and we don't like them, some are more and don't like us. The same happens with any other disability: I used to know someone disabled who kept meeting other disabled people on blind dates, and each time one of them rejected the other because the other was less functioning. The one less functioning didn't feel anything wrong with the one more functioning.
This is why I don't believe it'd work if I went and tried to meet other Aspies. I think it may be as hard to make a friend among Aspies as it is to make an NT friend.
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So-called white lies are like fake jewelry. Adorn yourself with them if you must, but expect to look cheap to a connoisseur. |
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Learning2Survive
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 20, 2009
Age: 25
Posts: 1777
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| Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 11:29 am Post subject: |
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Aspies who are good at conversation with each other look down upon me and stay away. Spies who are less functional than I am, want to hang out with me.
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Some of the threads I started are really long - yeay! |
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Greentea
Goddess of Wisdom
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Age: 51
Posts: 5678
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 11:50 am Post subject: |
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Exactly. And there are other factors too. The fact that someone is an aspie doesn't automatically make them or us like each other. Same thing as with gays. Gays often complain that straights want to set them up on a date with another guy just because they're both gay. Being gay or aspie doesn't guarantee that you'll find a good relationship with any other gay or aspie. I believe that enlightened and unusually self-confident NTs are a bigger bet for us Aspies than other Aspies, or at least as good a bet....
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So-called white lies are like fake jewelry. Adorn yourself with them if you must, but expect to look cheap to a connoisseur. |
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jemir1234
Banned
Joined: May 25, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 257
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| Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 12:08 pm Post subject: |
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It seems that just the guys are annoying from your perspectives. Is it psychological or is it another one of societies biases. anyways this girl told me about a girl with Kanner's who was biapolar and pregnant.
The girl told me she was annoying. which is probably true. But this also fits the fact that guys use girls for sex whether they are nearly developmentally disabled (NOT TRYING TO BE FUNNY) or not.
Does this state the fact that men are more open minded to choices of a partner or do they just want to get any woman for sex??? |
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KnightGhost
Blue Jay
Joined: May 18, 2009
Posts: 93
Location: Idaho
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| Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 12:31 pm Post subject: |
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| I have 2 friends that are Aspies and I get along with them great as long as I let them finish what they are talking about before I talk. Sometimes it just requires them to take a breath, sometimes several sentences. Let them finish their train of thought, don't interrupt it. Ask questions rather than interject. If a new subject is opened or a new possibility mentioned, let them process it before diving into it. And most of all, encourage them to research Aspergers itself so that they (often for the first time) can see themselves from another viewpoint. |
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spacephrawg
Blue Jay
Joined: Oct 23, 2006
Age: 30
Posts: 80
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| Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 1:38 pm Post subject: |
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| arielhawksquill wrote: | | I have read this kind of complaint numerous times in this and other forums. I'm beginning to suspect that ALL Aspies think they can pass for neurotypical, and think that it's only those OTHER Aspies who exhibit the stereotypical traits. Obviously, that can't be objectively true. I think that most people with AS simply lack the external self-awareness to realize how they appear to other people. |
LOL i never said I thought I could passs for neurotypical. However every neurotypical I meet knows that I am not as bad as the average Aspie they've met. "its obvious you have AS, but you're not *anoying* like the others are" is something I hear a lot. Eventually I mannage to prove that indeed I am annoying, but not in the typical AS way LOL. |
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whipstitches
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 13, 2009
Age: 39
Posts: 323
Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
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| Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 2:58 pm Post subject: |
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| KnightGhost wrote: | | I have 2 friends that are Aspies and I get along with them great as long as I let them finish what they are talking about before I talk. Sometimes it just requires them to take a breath, sometimes several sentences. Let them finish their train of thought, don't interrupt it. Ask questions rather than interject. If a new subject is opened or a new possibility mentioned, let them process it before diving into it. And most of all, encourage them to research Aspergers itself so that they (often for the first time) can see themselves from another viewpoint. |
Dang!!  You have that down to a precise science KnightGhost!! While I was reading what you wrote I was thinking to myself.... "I wanna talk to THIS person because they CLEARLY would know how to talk to me!!!"
Well said!!  |
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MONKEY
Sunshine Groovetrip
Joined: Jan 04, 2009
Age: 20
Posts: 9775
Location: Stoke, England (sometimes :P)
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| Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 4:56 pm Post subject: |
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I get on with other aspies quite well. Even the ones I don't like that much I still get on with them some what.
And I know quite alot of them, both IRL and online.
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The butterfly, the tiger, just another shadow in the stone
Flamingo future dinosaur underneath the urban sun |
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MONKEY
Sunshine Groovetrip
Joined: Jan 04, 2009
Age: 20
Posts: 9775
Location: Stoke, England (sometimes :P)
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| Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 5:01 pm Post subject: |
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| Learning2Survive wrote: | | Aspies who are good at conversation with each other look down upon me and stay away. Spies who are less functional than I am, want to hang out with me. |
That is so true!!! There is one aspie in school, even though he's on the same level as me (mild) he is still quite popular and isn't shy at all and he patronises me a bit and turns his nose up as my aspie friend. So the aspies I do hang out with are usually more noticable than me.
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The butterfly, the tiger, just another shadow in the stone
Flamingo future dinosaur underneath the urban sun |
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