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Beatlegal
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Sep 22, 2008
Posts: 46
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 Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 4:36 pm Post subject: My mom is forcing me |
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Okay, I'm asexual and have a phobia of sex. Yet, my mom is trying to pair me up with one of my older brother's friends, who btw has dirty fingernails and smokes 
It feels like she's being selfish because she expects me to give her grandkids (which I'm not sure if I'm able to).
Please help! |
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asplanet
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 11, 2007
Posts: 2269
Location: Cyberspace, New Zealand
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| Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 4:49 pm Post subject: |
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That is so wrong, I do not know where you live or all the circumstances but in most countries there are children help lines, I would get advice from them, as sure they could advise and give support, otherwise human rights if you really do get forced into a situation.
_________________
"Believe in your self, we are who we are - as it can feel like an endless task trying to be someone else!" Aspergers Parallel Planet web site - http://asplanet.info/index.php
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Silvervarg
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 26, 2009
Posts: 669
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 5:34 pm Post subject: Re: My mom is forcing me |
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| Beatlegal wrote: | Okay, I'm asexual and have a phobia of sex. Yet, my mom is trying to pair me up with one of my older brother's friends, who btw has dirty fingernails and smokes
It feels like she's being selfish because she expects me to give her grandkids (which I'm not sure if I'm able to).
Please help! |
Ignore her and all guys she's bringing. 
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Banned for having too long signature. |
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miserylovescompany
Velociraptor
Joined: Oct 08, 2006
Age: 23
Posts: 425
Location: UK
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| Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 6:10 pm Post subject: |
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Your mum might be trying to be 'kind' by paring you up with guys because she doesn't understand you AS. I've heard stories of other parents going about the whole relationship thing the wrong way. Also have you heard her right? I sometimes misinterpret what other people say & make from it the worst possible things. I'm NOT not beleiving you though, if this is the case and she is forcing you into situations with men that your not comfortable with, you need to tell someone ASAP who can help. This could be a counsellor, social worker, teacher, family member or anyone you can trust.
Forcing someone into sex is rape, no matter how it's done. Refuse the man and say NO to ANY sexual contact. If he makes any advances your not comfortable with, boot him in the groin, I'm being serious, do not hesitate to defend yourself if you have to. Then contact the police as soon after as you can.
It's YOUR body & mind, don't ever let anyone invade that space. |
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gbollard
K’Anpo no... Cho-Je... whatever.
Joined: Oct 06, 2007
Age: 40
Posts: 4409
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 6:26 pm Post subject: |
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If your mum is "forcing you" to go out with someone - as in just go to the movies with a boy, that is fine but you should feel free to invite another couple for safety.
If she's forcing you into any "action" beyond a normal date, then it's a human rights issue and should be dealt with as such.
_________________
Gavin.
http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/ |
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Maggiedoll
Loon
Joined: Jun 05, 2009
Age: 25
Posts: 1682
Location: Maryland
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| Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 8:19 pm Post subject: Re: My mom is forcing me |
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| Beatlegal wrote: | Okay, I'm asexual and have a phobia of sex. Yet, my mom is trying to pair me up with one of my older brother's friends, who btw has dirty fingernails and smokes
It feels like she's being selfish because she expects me to give her grandkids (which I'm not sure if I'm able to).
Please help! |
Er, pair up as in date or pair up as in sex?
If your brother (I take it he's NT?) gets married (or doesn't..) and has kids, won't she be a grandmother that way too?
Might I suggest carrying a can of pepper spray, just in case? (If it's legal in your state... What [Maggiedoll, we do not us the term retardedas a derogitory comment on WP. SB] lawmaker would make pepper spray illegal is beyond me, but there are some where it's not..)
If you don't mind excusing my crude joke (Actually, I'm quoting somebody else.. but I don't remember who) "Asexual, that's masturbation with results!" Heh, in that case, you COULD give her grandchildren. Too bad you're not an amoeba.  |
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Beatlegal
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Sep 22, 2008
Posts: 46
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| Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 9:19 pm Post subject: |
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I love my mother and all, but it feels like she wants me to get into a relationship very badly because she's worried about me being alone.
1. I'm not ready to be in a relationship (but I did agree to give this person a chance as a friend..nothing more)
2.Sex has always been my fear
P.S. My older brother is indeed NT |
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tweety_fan
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 03, 2007
Posts: 2356
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| Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 11:27 pm Post subject: |
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| if this guy makes any advances that u are not comfortable with at all, defend yourself. |
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MDD123
Phoenix
Joined: May 07, 2009
Age: 26
Posts: 555
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 12:26 am Post subject: |
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| That is wrong on so many levels, it's like organize rape. I'm sure she has good intentions but she clearly isn't thinking about your feelings. If she doesn't realize that you need your space and that sex is not appealing whatsoever you can point out that you are going to withdraw from her in addition to your unwelcome suitors. You may feel obligated not to hurt your mother's feelings, but how are you going to feel when you're trapped in a forceful relationship with someone who wouldn't understand you? I would feel betrayed if my mother did that, I'd feel like my mother respected the other person more by giving me away like that. It takes willpower to assert your point, if you practice in front of a mirror or picture your mom going into set-up mode, you'll have an easier time getting these feelings out. |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 59
Posts: 13250
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 2:14 am Post subject: |
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| MDD123 wrote: | | That is wrong on so many levels, it's like organize rape. . |
actually, that describes society. I try to avoid it as much as possible. Society, that is.
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where sin abounds, grace abounds the more;
Non omnis moriar |
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UnrelentingHorror
Toucan
Joined: Jul 18, 2007
Posts: 255
Location: The county of oranges, California.
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 4:28 am Post subject: |
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Or.....
She might be trying to HELP you.
Thats right help, shes forcing you outside your comfort zone in an area that all humans need. Interpersonal relationships, lets face it your current status quo doesn't seem to be doing anything for you in that regard.
Now if you are asexual because of some trauma this may not be completely a good thing, you should probably be seeing a councilor or something while trying to date on your own.
If you are just afraid of sex..... well let me tell you this is probably just your aspieness blowing your anxiety on the issue out of proportion.
Also, simply not being that intersted in sex does not mean you are asexual.
Asexual persons have some history or whatever that deadens them or puts them against those sorts of feelings which is quite tragic.
Alot of other people simply have a low sex drive, which can be helped. |
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Raskle
Blue Jay
Joined: Jun 30, 2009
Posts: 88
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 6:17 am Post subject: |
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| If your mother is so interested in the guy, tell her to get with him herself. |
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gbollard
K’Anpo no... Cho-Je... whatever.
Joined: Oct 06, 2007
Age: 40
Posts: 4409
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 6:18 am Post subject: |
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You need to talk to your mom and clarify the whole sex thing.
It doesn't make sense that any (normal) parent would push their child towards sex.
It DOES however make sense that most parents would encourage (and even enthusiastically) arrange a date for their child if they thought that their child would not otherwise arrange one themselves.
I have two 39+ year old best friends - neither have ever had girlfriends, and yet they're amazing guys. One in particular would be a dream husband for most women and a brilliant dad. They're both godfathers to my sons.
I sometimes wonder if he'd been made to go on a few dates when he was younger, would he feel more comfortable asking women out now. He wants to find someone but has no idea how.
This could be you in years to come - forget sex, just think about companionship and lonliness.
Unless the guy really does turn you off badly, consider making it clear up-front that this is a "going out" not a "date" as such and try to enjoy yourself. Just stick to crowded and safe areas.
_________________
Gavin.
http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/ |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 59
Posts: 13250
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 2:43 pm Post subject: |
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| UnrelentingHorror wrote: | Or.....
She might be trying to HELP you.
Thats right help, shes forcing you outside your comfort zone in an area that all humans need. Interpersonal relationships, lets face it your current status quo doesn't seem to be doing anything for you in that regard.
Now if you are asexual because of some trauma this may not be completely a good thing, you should probably be seeing a councilor or something while trying to date on your own.
If you are just afraid of sex..... well let me tell you this is probably just your aspieness blowing your anxiety on the issue out of proportion.
Also, simply not being that intersted in sex does not mean you are asexual.
Asexual persons have some history or whatever that deadens them or puts them against those sorts of feelings which is quite tragic.
Alot of other people simply have a low sex drive, which can be helped. |
conform to the norm
conform to the norm
you must be changed for your own good
conform to the norm
_________________
where sin abounds, grace abounds the more;
Non omnis moriar |
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activebutodd
Phoenix
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Joined: May 30, 2009
Posts: 807
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 3:43 pm Post subject: |
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Ugh. Your mum might be trying to help you, but think about what you are comfortable with. This should be totally up to you.
If you feel uncomfortable or like this young man is angling for more than friendship, don't feel forced to be friends with him. If he starts trying to use 'friendship' as a back way to get with you, don't be polite. Tell him no way and avoid him.
Also, you mention he is a friend of your older brother. Does this make an appreciable age difference between you? (If you don't mind me wondering) |
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