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Garth
Emu Egg
Joined: Jul 02, 2009
Posts: 1
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 Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 2:36 am Post subject: Attract the attention of girls |
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| My friends and I are a group of Asian students studying in the US. Can we go out dating with some of our American classmates? How do we go about it? |
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ViperaAspis
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 27, 2009
Age: 41
Posts: 745
Location: Portland, OR
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| Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 4:00 am Post subject: |
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It is totally different. Asian cultures are collectivistic. You date in a large group with lots of friends and then gradually narrow things down. Welcome to the land of "nothing makes sense". Here, we are individualistic and tend to DIRECTLY ASK FOR A DATE. The reason the last part there is in CAPS is because it is also the answer to your question. You must directly ask the girl out. If you don't do it (comparatively) quickly, you will lose your chance and she will think you are not interested. Things are very different here.
I would describe the fundamental difference like this:
Asian Culture: The nail that sticks out gets HAMMERED back in. (i.e. stick out and you are punished)
Western Culture: The squeaky wheel gets the oil. (i.e. stick out and you are rewarded)
These 'common sayings' show how different our cultures truly are. Doesn't mean you can't do it... just means you need to re-think everything.
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Who am I? This guy! http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt97863.html |
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MDD123
Phoenix
Joined: May 07, 2009
Age: 26
Posts: 555
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| Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 5:26 am Post subject: Re: Attract the attention of girls |
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| Garth wrote: | | My friends and I are a group of Asian students studying in the US. Can we go out dating with some of our American classmates? How do we go about it? |
You're off to a good start, unless Garth is your real name, picking a name that is easier to pronounce helps you out in their conversations.
You have to realize that you are being stereotyped, not on purpose, but it does happen. This can be used to your advantage. Asians are stereotyped for their integrity (I had an asian drill sergeant who reinforced this concept). I think if you are honest about your feelings, it will help them make the connections a little better. It's okay to adapt a little and show a deviant side, just as long as they can relate. Women love to gossip, if you can be honest about your opinions of others but point out gossipy things, women may see the charm in you.
Another sterotype is being above average intelligence. Women hate feeling dumb, yet they don't want a complete dumbass, my advice is to compramise. My friend Liu is a lot smarter than he'll ever let on, he just doesn't trust very easily (a new yorker trait). He loved to do something deliberatly stupid and act completely suprised when he failed miserably in front of everyone, he never took anything personally, so people learned to laugh with him. That guy got laid more than I ever will, he just used that stupid guy charm on the women. By all means, take that advice with a grain of salt, but you don't want to come off as too smart for most of the women out there.
The stereotype you'll like the least is the accent, you might try to cover it up, but it can come out when you least expect it (especially when you get emotional), you just have to realize that people might laugh, but it really is an endearing quality to some people, you can use it when trying to build up a rapport with people.
You also have to remember that you might have a stereotype of american girls, they're so complicated (just like the asian ones), that I think I'll let you figure out how. Just remember that they want to have a good time.
I know that's a lot of vague advice to juggle, but I'll happily specify anything you want to know, not only have I seen asian men who could charm the socks off the ladies, I've seen a lot of cool movies about asian guys who can charm the socks off the ladies. Just remember that you're the subject matter expert on that and I'm here to give you advice.
BTW, not to stereotype, but Anime conventions are loaded with attractive girls who are big into asian culture, just remember to bring a good costume (I've been shunned for having a bad costume before) |
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bunny-in-the-moon
Raven
Joined: Sep 19, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 104
Location: UK
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| Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 4:26 pm Post subject: |
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I know people have offered some great advice here... but I still advocate just being yourself  .
Why attract a girl being someone your not when eventually the "real" you is going surface and they may not like it?
Not trying to dishearten anyone, not at all. I think people deserve having someone attracted to them by simply being themselves!! |
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ToadOfSteel
Unlovable
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 4907
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 4:41 pm Post subject: |
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| bunny-in-the-moon wrote: | | Not trying to dishearten anyone, not at all. I think people deserve having someone attracted to them by simply being themselves!! |
I agree that everyone *deserves* someone like that, but unfortunately there are some people for which there isn't anybody... like me, for instance...
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My life: Making "your best" not good enough since 1988 |
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Cyberman
REMAIN SILENT...
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Posts: 2257
Location: Cyberspace
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| Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 4:45 pm Post subject: |
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| bunny-in-the-moon wrote: | | Not trying to dishearten anyone, not at all. I think people deserve having someone attracted to them by simply being themselves!! |
Thing is, almost nobody is attracted to a person who is "just being themself" because most people have deluded ideas about what to look for in a partner... |
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kiransalee
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jan 17, 2009
Posts: 42
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| Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 4:56 pm Post subject: |
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| ToadOfSteel wrote: | | unfortunately there are some people for which there isn't anybody... like me, for instance... |
Survival of the fittest.
As a human, the most advanced species on this planet, you are capable of carving our own destiny. Sentience is yours. You have won the lottery of existence.
You are suffering from kicked dog syndrome, a dire obstacle, but think of this;
In the vastness of eternity, now is the time you are alive. Now is the time for action. |
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kiransalee
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jan 17, 2009
Posts: 42
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| Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 5:00 pm Post subject: |
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| kiransalee wrote: | | ToadOfSteel wrote: | | unfortunately there are some people for which there isn't anybody... like me, for instance... |
Survival of the fittest.
As a human, the most advanced species on this planet, you are capable of carving our own destiny. Sentience is yours. You have won the lottery of existence.
You are suffering from kicked dog syndrome, a dire obstacle, but think of this;
In the vastness of eternity, now is the time you are alive. Now is the time for action. |
Imagine if we had only one self reliant gender. There would be no need for social interaction aside from raising offspring and we would be driven instead to chase away other people as competition.
We are slaves to our animal instincts.
Unless we pooled knowledge, but then social interaction would only be 2D, friends and colleagues.(edit: 3D, friends, colleagues, clones)
Thinking of that we might still have cities, or maybe we would be divided into family plots, some more wealthy than others. |
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ToadOfSteel
Unlovable
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 4907
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 5:24 pm Post subject: |
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| kiransalee wrote: | | As a human, the most advanced species on this planet, you are capable of carving our own destiny. Sentience is yours. You have won the lottery of existence. |
Umm... the jackpot must have not been that high, since I don't feel like I've won much of anything...
| Quote: | | You are suffering from kicked dog syndrome |
The only thing I'm suffering from is the fact that it is impossible for someone like me to ever find someone in life...
| Quote: | | In the vastness of eternity, now is the time you are alive. Now is the time for action. |
Are you suggesting I keep going out there and getting rejected repeatedly until I become a psychotic killer?
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My life: Making "your best" not good enough since 1988 |
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DemonAbyss10
Snowy Owl
Joined: Aug 24, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 141
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| Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 7:04 pm Post subject: |
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| ToadOfSteel wrote: |
| Quote: | | In the vastness of eternity, now is the time you are alive. Now is the time for action. |
Are you suggesting I keep going out there and getting rejected repeatedly until I become a psychotic killer? |
that is indeed what i was sensing >_>
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MDD123
Phoenix
Joined: May 07, 2009
Age: 26
Posts: 555
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| Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 8:12 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm sure Garth has no intention of not being himself, but he came here for direction and we can give him a new self concept. The current self he mentioned doesn't know much about socially interacting with girls. Although he might not succeed at first, he'll learn what happened and can always come back for advice. There isn't anything wrong with letting your personality change to enjoy other people, it's just not something you want to go rushing into head first. |
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