sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 62
Posts: 15238
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 Posted: Tue May 12, 2009 11:12 pm Post subject: |
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being thirty years along from the age you are, tsunami007,
I am starting to get into crone hood up here in the great Pacific Northwest in the Oregon Country, spry gray haired older women that bicycle and testifies for the state legislature on autism topics- we have our admirers, too. I found to look to a different audience, if you will, that transmits their admiration in mental whistles and tasteful cat calls as behooves the older intellectual man. I figure I am the young one again, the young one in the elder park and it might never happen again that I am considered 'not as old as' and I intend to enjoy being that vibrant younger woman walking the dogs down the beaches catching the catcalls in their eyes.. .
so I have found if I surf the wave of the older generation of each decade I encounter, I never run out of admirers. . . just a technique I developedso I can cope.
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Postperson
The Daughter of Indifference
Joined: Jul 10, 2004
Age: 56
Posts: 4314
Location: Uz
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| Posted: Tue May 12, 2009 11:18 pm Post subject: |
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I much prefer being older, except for fitness problems.
I love the anonymity, I never had any when I was young, I'm tall and stand out, I always got stared at ugh, leered at. Now I have more freedom. I never got taken seriously when I was a young woman, people presumed I was an airhead.
Besides, everyone gets more eccentric as they age, including NTs, so you're not the only 'odd' person, plus there's less emphasis on mating/dating. |
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wigglyspider
squirrel frustrator
Joined: Apr 24, 2009
Posts: 1279
Location: USA
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| Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 2:52 am Post subject: |
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That kind of sucks. D: I'd be friends with you! You sound cute. I have made friends with a lot of my teachers who are your age or older, I think. And I was great friends with my sister's playmate's mom who loved to play video games. >3< I have friends who are younger than me too. (like 18 ) It's nice to have friends of all ages, I think.
I'm 23 by the way. Last year I told a friend that I was 38 and she believed me. That was kind of hilarious and depressing all at once. But this year someone thought I was 17. Age is really weird like that. People have these ideas about how one age is supposed to look and act, but I keep seeing those conceptions getting totally smashed in all sorts of situations.
But anyway, I've heard a lot of people say that older people who act young are refreshing or inspiring, maybe you actually have more of a positive impact on the people around you than you think! >3< At least, that's how I'm going to try and approach the idea of getting older. Maybe if I think of it that way, other people will see it that way too..
Hopefully. XD;
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whitetiger
Passionate Advocate
Joined: Feb 04, 2009
Age: 44
Posts: 1702
Location: Oregon
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| Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 9:53 am Post subject: |
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Autism gave me an excuse to stop trying to fit in, as I realized it was impossible 
I am 40. I still dress young, artsy, fun. People tell me I look 30. I still get "ma'am" and my family says I look more mature.
I have a real issue with being 40, actually. It just doesn't feel right. It feels impossible. I actually feel like I'm in my mid twenties still.
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EnglishLulu
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 09, 2006
Age: 43
Posts: 781
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| Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 8:03 pm Post subject: |
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| Rainstorm5 wrote: | I'd love to look like Catherine Zeta-Jones at 40 or Marie Osmond at 50+
I don't know if I want to look like Dame Judy Dench, but I'd sure like to have her money... |
You do know, don't you, that Catherine Zeta-Jones doesn't even look like Catherine Zeta-Jones at 40?  |
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bhetti
Phoenix
Joined: May 18, 2009
Posts: 874
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| Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 7:30 pm Post subject: |
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I dunno about reinvention. I am what I am. what's cool about learning I have AS though is that I think I can finally hone in on some of my real talent and forget about trying to turn myself into something I'm not.
for some reason, when I was 40 and working in tech support, college guys would come onto me. I guess I was in a place where the people around me were above average intelligence and having a weird sense of humor wasn't a liability, so I made some friends.
it's hard to find that kind of environment, but I think there are plenty of people out there who really care more about what you think than how you look. finding them is the trick, but I think they congregate in places like philosophy clubs and other special interest groups. |
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Zola
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: May 17, 2009
Age: 50
Posts: 28
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| Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 9:15 pm Post subject: |
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I'm 46 now. I have mostly positive feelings, although there are a few things that I don't like.
One thing I dislike is the change in the doctor's attitudes since I hit menopause. I had a serious medical problem and it took three doctors to determine that I had a serious medical problem because the previous doctors were treating me like a menopausal woman with the vapors. It bothered me that they assumed I was off-balance when I wasn't.
I like that the average guy no longer looks at me as a possible sex partner first. I work in a very much male field, I am a computer programmer, and for years I had to deal with them looking at my boobs and ass instead of at my work. Now if a guy is interested, it's because he actually likes me.
I like that my experience has come together enough that I am not wrestling with all the issues I had in my twenties. When I realized I was getting isolated and needed to make more friends, it wasn't an angst-filled process at all because I knew what to do.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and laugh hysterically. The outer image is so different than the inner one! Still, I don't bother to dye my hair or try to "keep myself up" in the sense of looking sexually attractive. I find that I'm at last comfortable in my own skin, such as it is. Any changes I make in my diet or exercise routine are for the most important reason of all--my continued good health.
I dislike losing the feeling that the world was my oyster, but I'm trying to "surrender gracefully the things of youth". I like that I understand this now.
I decided in the end there isn't a damn thing I can do about it anyway, so there's no point in fretting over it. Life is an adventure, and I can't wait to see where it goes next. |
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CaroleTucson
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 06, 2009
Age: 48
Posts: 731
Location: Tucson, AZ
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| Posted: Sat Aug 08, 2009 10:00 am Post subject: |
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What a great thread!
I'm 44, and to my astonishment I find that I get hit on by younger men more and more all the time. The youngest was 17, for heaven's sake. I don't know what the hell he was thinking. Do you think younger men have the idea that all women in their 40's are cougars and we can't wait to "teach them the ropes"? I don't know any cougars myself ... I sometimes even wonder if the whole idea of a cougar was simply made up by younger men.
Anyway, I've also experienced the "you're no longer relevant" attitude that some of you have mentioned, and it infuriates me. The worst is when I get it from younger women.
And then there's the attitude from men in my own age group who assume that I must be looking for another husband. That would be amusing if it wasn't so ridiculous. |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 62
Posts: 15238
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| Posted: Sat Aug 08, 2009 10:54 pm Post subject: |
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| EnglishLulu wrote: | | Rainstorm5 wrote: | I'd love to look like Catherine Zeta-Jones at 40 or Marie Osmond at 50+
I don't know if I want to look like Dame Judy Dench, but I'd sure like to have her money... |
You do know, don't you, that Catherine Zeta-Jones doesn't even look like Catherine Zeta-Jones at 40? |
Amen! Sister
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“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.” – Albert Camus |
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activebutodd
Phoenix
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Joined: May 30, 2009
Posts: 827
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| Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2009 8:03 am Post subject: |
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On one hand I kind of hope this is the case, on the other it annoys me.
Though I'm in my twenties the world is not my oyster, and I'm becoming tired of being looked at first (and often only) as a possible sex partner. I hope that as I become older I won't have to be ultra careful of my behaviour and safety for fear of attracting lots of unwanted attention based on what I look like.
But being invisible because I'm not in a youthful pretty package and assumed to be 'up for grabs' is a bit insulting too. Gah!
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outlier
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 17, 2008
Posts: 1526
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| Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2009 4:14 am Post subject: |
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My mother still gets chatted up. She has a friendly demeanour and takes care of her appearance, so that is probably why. I remember in my late teens and early twenties I would be invisible while she got chatted up. We share similar physical attributes apart from the age difference, so I think that personality plays a large role in being visible.
The only people who approach me do so out of physical attraction. It makes me feel invisible in a different way. |
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activebutodd
Phoenix
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Joined: May 30, 2009
Posts: 827
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| Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2009 9:39 am Post subject: |
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Maybe it's the subconsciously perceived likelihood of a woman possibly being a sex partner/able to be flirted with that leads to all the awareness or approaches, and that's why the likelihood is mostly attributed to young girls but not always.
My mum is still beautiful at sixty and very outgoing, but I've often envied that she can confidently be friendly to men without receiving sleaziness and attempts to get with her when she's just being nice. I'm not outgoing at all, or always attractively turned out, but when I'm polite or friendly it seems to be taken as an invitation to become overfamiliar.
Yeah, I kind of know what you mean by invisible in a different way.  But it's curious, I've heard this phenomenon mentioned in a book once where women that are more mature, have a little extra weight, or are not wearing makeup don't seem to be paid attention to as much or their presence remembered later.
I know when I've worn heels and mascara I've been served quickly at a shop counter, while I kept getting passed over and had to try to get served when I showed up just plain.
However, I think I'll be more comfortable and happy with myself when I eventually reach 35, however I feel about aging or whatever value others place on spring chickens.
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poopylungstuffing
Lolliwink Slayer
Joined: Mar 09, 2007
Age: 37
Posts: 7618
Location: Snapdragon Ridge
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| Posted: Sun Aug 16, 2009 4:19 am Post subject: |
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I am about to turn 34..so one more year before I am invisible..I already sorta am invisible..but it has to do more with me being so completely non-reciprocal towards guys I am not already involved with..and since I am in an open relationship with 2 guys...it is sorta as if I don't exactly count..For each of them, there is the potential "other" on the horizon..maybe...
Anyway...
This interesting older female has recently started hanging around my venue...and she seems to have everyone quite fascinated...She must be in her late 30's...pale...heavy-set-ish....eccentric...well-travelled..."cool"....
I am at ease with her presence...and all the guys seem at least somewhat taken with her just because she is interesting and different. She is definitely not invisible...
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RightGalaxy
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 22, 2008
Posts: 1483
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| Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 7:44 pm Post subject: |
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| Tequila wrote: | | Some people really go for that mature looks thing. You'd be really surprised. Don't entirely lose heart. |
Ditto. But anyway, you can overcome that feeling and take care of your health. Exercise and eat a healthy diet. Embrace a faith and develop your mind more. Make some money. I'm 48 and very glad to be OUT of the cattiness of other women and the sexual predation of men. The day I stopped (at age 30) giving men erections just by looking at me made my life a heaven. Now, I do what I want.
Nobody cares if I'm fat, thin, ugly, pretty...I'm free at last from the whole world's damned scrutiny and judgement based on pure superficiality. People can just kiss my gainly, 48 year old, arse.
I'M FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I've had 18 years of peace! I'll never be a walking vagina again. Thank goodness!!! Now I'm a real person. Life is finally real and freedom is heaven. I'm looking forward to being a grandmom some day. I'll be the best darned granny in the world. I just wish I could have had that attitude when I was young...I missed the most energetic part of my life because of "illusion". I spent entirely too much fuss caring for the shell when there was "NADA" inside. Everybody says the same thing, "If only I knew what I know now and could be young again....I'd conquer the world!" Life is a beautiful thing. You determine your worth...not others. Take control!!! |
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