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Veresae
succubus bait
Joined: Feb 25, 2006
Age: 22
Posts: 3451
Location: California
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 Posted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 6:56 pm Post subject: This part of the forum always depresses me. |
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I find it increasingly difficult to peak into WP's love and dating forum. So many sad stories of singledom here.
I used to write about my romantic troubles here all the time, and I don't want to anymore. I don't want to brood about why it is that I've had such rotten luck with women. I don't want to focus on it anymore. I want to find the right person, just as always; but that's not going to happen if I sit on my computer typing my way into oblivion, obsessing and whining endlessly about what's wrong with me or what's wrong with them or any of that crap.
Blargh. |
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techstepgenr8tion
that chatty American
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Age: 30
Posts: 7838
Location: The fine world of insomnia and coffee
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| Posted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 7:43 pm Post subject: |
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| Its a good time to pivot off of that and focus on the real-life angles. It sounds vain but self-actualization is about the only thing that really can work these days, and the more you take in energies that bring you down (at least so long as you're vulnerable to or identify with them) the more it weakens your ability for positive self-affirmation. I'd say definitely explore other areas, embrace the NT world the best you can, with enough finesse you can even get it to spin your way. |
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BPalmer
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 26, 2008
Age: 36
Posts: 530
Location: Brisbane, Qld, Australia
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| Posted: Sat Aug 29, 2009 1:55 am Post subject: |
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| I'm married now, but... it's like a car crash... you can't look away. |
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techstepgenr8tion
that chatty American
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Age: 30
Posts: 7838
Location: The fine world of insomnia and coffee
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| Posted: Sat Aug 29, 2009 10:47 am Post subject: |
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| BPalmer wrote: | | I'm married now, but... it's like a car crash... you can't look away. |
I remember your conversations five or six years ago even on Aspie Hangout. That's a trip, I'm glad to see you made it! |
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BPalmer
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 26, 2008
Age: 36
Posts: 530
Location: Brisbane, Qld, Australia
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| Posted: Sat Aug 29, 2009 7:14 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah, an 11,000-mile trip!  Well worth it, too. |
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Granite
Raven
Joined: Aug 11, 2009
Age: 48
Posts: 123
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| Posted: Sat Aug 29, 2009 7:28 pm Post subject: |
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Insanity = Repetition expecting different results
If you are doing something over and over again and nothing changes, then it is time to move on and try something else. Sometime message boards can be extremely helpful and allow you to gain insight, other times they can sap your time and energy.
If one board isn't working for you, don't hesitate to try another somewhere else. |
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phil777
Phoenix
Joined: May 21, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 2500
Location: Montreal, Québec
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| Posted: Sat Aug 29, 2009 11:19 pm Post subject: |
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I prefer this definition of insanity, if you will :
"Insanity, craziness or madness is a spectrum of behaviors characterized by certain abnormal mental or behavioral patterns. Insanity may manifest as violations of societal norms, including becoming a danger to themselves and others, though not all such acts are considered insanity. In modern usage insanity is most commonly encountered as an informal unscientific term denoting mental instability, or in the narrow legal context of the insanity defense." (quoted from Wiki) |
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JohnHopkins
In no way offensive to anybody. Honest.
Joined: Nov 20, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 2735
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| Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2009 10:10 am Post subject: |
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| Yeah the attitudes on here can be quite depressing, especially with how self-defeating so many of them are. |
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techstepgenr8tion
that chatty American
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Age: 30
Posts: 7838
Location: The fine world of insomnia and coffee
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| Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2009 2:26 pm Post subject: |
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| JohnHopkins wrote: | | Yeah the attitudes on here can be quite depressing, especially with how self-defeating so many of them are. |
I can agree but it depends in what sense. In some cases its a matter of poor decisions or lack of proper introspect, in some cases there's no free will involved - either they're not attracted to anything but a narrow band (not something you can do much about) or in some cases, some guys are that geeky in all the right ways to where it doesn't draw out anything positive (that can be fought out of maybe but its a labyrinth of personal perspective and its very difficult to know what kinds of small internal changes will work and what won't - suffice to say though a person can't completely become someone else at the core, that's impossible, the best they can do is spice up their edges a bit or find a better set of social means for articulating their true selves). |
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JohnHopkins
In no way offensive to anybody. Honest.
Joined: Nov 20, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 2735
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| Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2009 5:28 pm Post subject: |
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| You're right, some of it can't be helped, but a lot of it quite easily could for many of those on here, especially if they stopped listening to their diagnosis and just gave something ago instead of trying to consider it from every possible angle. And if people stopped caring as much about being embarassed or rejected then they'd probably go further too. |
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techstepgenr8tion
that chatty American
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Age: 30
Posts: 7838
Location: The fine world of insomnia and coffee
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| Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2009 6:11 pm Post subject: |
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| JohnHopkins wrote: | | You're right, some of it can't be helped, but a lot of it quite easily could for many of those on here, especially if they stopped listening to their diagnosis and just gave something ago instead of trying to consider it from every possible angle. And if people stopped caring as much about being embarassed or rejected then they'd probably go further too. |
That's very true. I think anymore when I'm out, I'll still notice in the background that enough people that we meet when we're out, at least on the wrong nights, give me a vibe off the top like they want nothing to do with me, already have me judged however people judge someone who's aspie-different, and their control over the situation is completely stolen by the fact that I don't need a thing from them, don't care what they think, and further show every sign that I refuse to take whatever their thinking is my identity.
Sometimes its almost a bit eerie to realize that the things that the superficial things that had people rejecting before never fully went away, in a sense nothing's really changed and nothing ever will. At the same time though I feel like life is going forward in manner that can actually work, I have close friends - *very* NT at that, people who help balance me out and I'm slowly starting to meet women who I can connect with in a romantic equivalent as well as my longterm friends of...geez...with some of them its going on twelve years. What I do realize about myself though is that I do have certain things going for me, for other people who are similarly set to myself I'd very much encourage them to set the standards rather than let other people define them, then again for people who aren't on the same playing field or who are heavier on the spectrum as to come more than just a little odd - I have a much harder time gauging that or how much they can tell themselves that their subconscious won't spit right back out. |
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Tim_Tex
Eclectic
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 30
Posts: 34264
Location: Houston, Texas (interim)
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| Posted: Sun Sep 06, 2009 10:47 pm Post subject: |
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| techstepgenr8tion wrote: | | BPalmer wrote: | | I'm married now, but... it's like a car crash... you can't look away. |
I remember your conversations five or six years ago even on Aspie Hangout. That's a trip, I'm glad to see you made it! |
I remember as well. (I'm on Delphi as well).
_________________
I do have beliefs that are complex, unconventional, and eclectic. If anyone has questions about them, feel free to refer to this thread:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt110144.html
Or PM or e-mail me. |
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