durentu
Hummingbird
Joined: Sep 08, 2009
Posts: 24
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 Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 9:33 pm Post subject: |
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to the OP:
I'm not going to say that it's typical NT or AS behavior, but generally speaking, it's a defense mechanism called projection (thanks to freud).
Women like these are brainwashed into thinking that a woman should be some sort of ideal or principle. While the female herself is under constant anxiety of inadequacy, her own ego protects itself by projecting all these things onto the most easiest target, the significant other. I have found that this brain washing comes from entities of authority. TV, magazine, religion, the friend who 'has it all' etc. This type of woman will find it extremely painful to squarely face herself in the mirror and work out the problems of self acceptance.
All of those complaints are pressures she puts on herself and by ego defense, projects it onto someone else. That at least is the freudian mechanics of it and it makes sense to me. Trying to give and cater to all the complaints is meaningless because those complaints are really about herself or her self image (adlerian psychology can help here)
If this has been going on for a long time, her mind would have wired those neurons tightly together. There's good news in that they can be changed to something else. It does require lots of emotionally charged work, but it's possible (neurogenesis/neuroplasticity/habituation).
Having said that, I don't have a good quick remedy other than the long haul of emotionally charged behavior reprogramming. CBT or REBT comes to mind. Also, I would check the habits of the partner, to switch up responses to break the habit of complaining (neurologically weakening the reinforced links)
My 2 cents |
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Merle
Velociraptor
Joined: Nov 01, 2007
Posts: 471
Location: Lake Tahoe
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| Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 10:56 pm Post subject: |
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| MagnusArmstrong wrote: | | I have always wonder that myself has man and have seen this first hand done to others.If that is the TC view of it man I need to get a GF with AS just like me.But that is one of my favorite things is to observe the world in my own unique askewed view. |
Too many people view the grass as being greener on the other side. The hope to find someone who sees the world as they do.
However, when they do fail, typically due to differences in personalities (people are different after all) they don't understand and keep search for that "soulmate"
Assume for a second you're all messed up - do you want a relationship with someone as equally messed up -OR- would you prefer someone who understands and can help?
Hence this begs the question: Is a relationship with AS/AS the best or with an AS/NT? We already know complimentary relationships between the sexes are typical (versus homosexual relationships) so why do we assume the opposite in terms of AS/AS?
You are more likely to find a relationship with a NT (just look at the population base). The challenge is to identify and resolve the inherent conflicts in the relationship. |
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MagnusArmstrong
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 10, 2009
Age: 20
Posts: 362
Location: The USS Enterprise,Pawtucket,Rhode Island
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| Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 11:41 pm Post subject: |
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The thing is I rather have some equally messed up because the thing is NT dont and will never understand. Its not that I think the grass is greener on the other side because I am very pesimistic I am not looking for a soulmate I want someone that won't drive me nut or make me wanna stick my head in the oven,also someone who doesn't want kids because I dont like kids especially infants because sure there cute but then you realize you have to raise and its crying when your trying to sleep or taken all the time you could be spending with Significant other and the hostility it cause between parents.
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When will they learn,all Humans are equaly inferior to robots-Bender
You idiots I said Peaberry this is sandalwood,Bender if you cant push sandalwood your not cut out for this league. |
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MDD123
Phoenix
Joined: May 07, 2009
Age: 29
Posts: 1145
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| Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 7:31 am Post subject: |
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| Kids required constant supervision, especially roddlers, and watching them all day is exhausting (they move around a lot). When the SO comes back from work, there's gonna be a dispute over who watches the kid, or maybe not, just depends on the relationship. I still think it's worth it in the long run, if anything, for genetic propagation. |
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Kezzstar
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 24, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 1006
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 7:58 am Post subject: Re: Why do a lot of women do this...? |
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| Shebakoby wrote: | As an AS female, I REALLY don't understand women. Not that I need to, because I'm straight, but I have to shake my head at the behavior of some women towards the men in their life, and the resulting opinions men have.
I've noticed this with my own mother mostly, but hear about it in other ways:
-women nagging the man to do housework. Or handy work. Or nagging them to get off the TV (or in some cases Computer/Video Game) and PAY ATTENTION to her.
-women getting upset over something a guy does that seems so freaking trivial I roll my eyes at it.
-women withholding intimacy because they're mad over said freaking trivial event
-women constantly wanting to text/call/monopolize the poor guy's time without a break for his own "me time".
-women criticizing what the man eats, his weight and what to do about it, how he chooses to spend his 'me time'.
-wanting to 'talk' and turning it into a big argument
-demanding the guy take her to see a chick flick that he clearly will not enjoy.
-criticizing or making fun of his hobby, or calling it a waste of time/money.
I don't understand it. I don't understand it AT ALL. Clearly these things irritate the man and cause strife in the relationship. WHY would she do it?! Especially the stuff about his hobbies (and I'm not talking about pr0nz here). I would NEVER do ANY of that to a guy...yet I'm single. |
I can answer the first one.
Relationships are about teamwork and working together. If one person is doing all the work and the other is just slouching, how is that fair? Also, imagine having a boyfriend who never ever ever spent any time with you.
I mean, sure, my boyfriend and I have our lives. But we always remember to appreciate each other, and work together as a team. I send him an email at least once a day to let him know that I appreciate him (mainly because he's from a family where he is often put down and told he's hopeless).
As for the rest.................ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, next question?
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"It isn't wrong, but we just don't do it."
Gordon, "Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends: Whistles and Sneezes" |
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Tim_Tex
Professor Hineybottom
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 41865
Location: Houston, Texas
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| Posted: Tue Sep 29, 2009 7:55 am Post subject: |
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I think the OP is referring to the women who just want to take and take and take, and never give anything in return.
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<<<=== This is not the devil, this is the Red Guy from Cow and Chicken. |
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Shebakoby
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 06, 2009
Age: 40
Posts: 1566
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| Posted: Tue Sep 29, 2009 4:54 pm Post subject: |
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| Tim_Tex wrote: | | I think the OP is referring to the women who just want to take and take and take, and never give anything in return. |
Exactly. I'm talking about "my way or the highway 24/7" women. |
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biostructure
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 18, 2006
Age: 28
Posts: 1185
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| Posted: Tue Sep 29, 2009 8:00 pm Post subject: |
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| MDD123 wrote: | | Kids required constant supervision, especially roddlers, and watching them all day is exhausting (they move around a lot). When the SO comes back from work, there's gonna be a dispute over who watches the kid, or maybe not, just depends on the relationship. I still think it's worth it in the long run, if anything, for genetic propagation. |
That assumes the idea of having kids is at least somewhere on your radar screen--which for the majority of aspies it might not be. |
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TheMidnightJudge
Ghost in the Shell
Joined: Mar 29, 2007
Posts: 1844
Location: New England
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| Posted: Tue Sep 29, 2009 10:48 pm Post subject: Re: Why do a lot of women do this...? |
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| Shebakoby wrote: | | I would NEVER do ANY of that to a guy...yet I'm single. |
I know what you mean. It sort of reminds me of how abusive guys can get relationships where as I and some others who wouldn't dream of such horrendous behavior remain single.
In some cases the women just want more attention or have legitimate reasons for their complaints. But there are certainly many who go overboard.
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Sleepless gliding |
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Rack
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Feb 19, 2008
Posts: 180
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| Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 10:07 am Post subject: |
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| Merle wrote: |
Young males who lack drive, maturity and need to be told what to do. They are simply boys in adult bodies. They look for entertainment and diversions. Someday, they hopefully grow up, and it usually requires a major incident (e.g. signing up for the military, having a child, suffering a catastrophic loss) or a lot of time (e.g. failure to launch). Men these boys are not.
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Or to oversimplify, a man who seeks entertainment is not "finished". This probably isn't at all what you were trying to say, but there definitely are women who think like this. Unless they hook up with a workaholic They will never be happy when their partner is happy, but then they will likely fins any emotional needs unfulfilled . |
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Bopkasen
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 06, 2006
Posts: 559
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| Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 10:43 pm Post subject: |
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| ManErg wrote: | | Spokane_Girl wrote: | | it's a man thing to be lazy and be slobs |
Huh??? How do you work that out? Who built every building you see? Every road? Laid every inch of cable that makes the internet? Mined the fuel that keeps us warm? Built 98% of everything we call "civilization" with their labour? Disposes of the rubbish? Exploits entire continents to provide cheap food and toys for their family? |
I guess that why some "BAD" personality of women will doom marriage.
Ungratefulness, everybody have to chip in but in some area. Most of the time, the women should do certain chores while the men as breadwinner go to work. If a man breadwinnner is done with work, exaustive, brought money to the table. Is IT NOT wrong for women to clean and cook for the man?
If you think that wrong. OMG! Marriage Doomsday! |
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Tim_Tex
Professor Hineybottom
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 41865
Location: Houston, Texas
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| Posted: Sun Oct 04, 2009 1:44 pm Post subject: |
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| Shebakoby wrote: | | Tim_Tex wrote: | | I think the OP is referring to the women who just want to take and take and take, and never give anything in return. |
Exactly. I'm talking about "my way or the highway 24/7" women. |
Case in point:
I know someone who has the following beliefs:
1. She expects to never have to provide emotional support in any case.
2. She expects to never have burdens or inconveniences in a relationship.
3. She doesn't trust herself not to cheat if she meets someone superior to the one she's with.
4. If anyone she's dating moves outside of a 50-mile radius, she will leave rather than take the steps necessary to make the relationship work (i.e. move to where he is, be supportive until she can move, etc.)
5. She expects someone to communicate flawlessly, but she'll take a month to answer an e-mail but be on MySpace or Facebook every day.
6. She feels that if a guy improves himself for the better, her judgment will be misguided (i.e. she believes that people have to be born nearly perfect).
She will be quick to point other people's flaws, but expect to be excused for her flaws.
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<<<=== This is not the devil, this is the Red Guy from Cow and Chicken. |
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Janissy
Phoenix
Joined: May 06, 2009
Age: 46
Posts: 4853
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| Posted: Sun Oct 04, 2009 1:58 pm Post subject: |
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| Tim_Tex wrote: | | Shebakoby wrote: | | Tim_Tex wrote: | | I think the OP is referring to the women who just want to take and take and take, and never give anything in return. |
Exactly. I'm talking about "my way or the highway 24/7" women. |
Case in point:
I know someone who has the following beliefs:
1. She expects to never have to provide emotional support in any case.
2. She expects to never have burdens or inconveniences in a relationship.
3. She doesn't trust herself not to cheat if she meets someone superior to the one she's with.
4. If anyone she's dating moves outside of a 50-mile radius, she will leave rather than take the steps necessary to make the relationship work (i.e. move to where he is, be supportive until she can move, etc.)
5. She expects someone to communicate flawlessly, but she'll take a month to answer an e-mail but be on MySpace or Facebook every day.
6. She feels that if a guy improves himself for the better, her judgment will be misguided (i.e. she believes that people have to be born nearly perfect).
She will be quick to point other people's flaws, but expect to be excused for her flaws. |
Seriously? I suppose she can expect all those things just as much as she wants just like I can expect to find 10 million dollars in my mailbox. In fact, I'm probably more likely to win 10 million dollars in a lottery than she is to have those expectations fulfilled. |
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Tim_Tex
Professor Hineybottom
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 41865
Location: Houston, Texas
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| Posted: Sun Oct 04, 2009 2:39 pm Post subject: |
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Actually, she did meet someone, but I have a feeling that she will only stay with him as long as he keeps playing by her rules.
If a guy who is interested in her tries to convince her that her ideas are ridiculous, she will accuse him of trying to manipulate or guilt-trip her.
She will write someone off if he makes even one little mistake, and she is not the forgiving type. She doesn't bother to see the reasoning between other peoples' actions, and that they didn't mean to do certain things, or that they did things without meaning any harm. She will only see that those things happened, and judge that person by said actions, without ever bothering to get the facts straight.
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<<<=== This is not the devil, this is the Red Guy from Cow and Chicken. |
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CerebralDreamer
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 23, 2008
Posts: 516
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| Posted: Sun Oct 04, 2009 8:45 pm Post subject: |
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There are men and women with really bad attitudes, who should just remain single for all eternity. Either that, or we could stick them on an island together so they can make themselves miserable, and leave the rest of us alone.
The problem is people like that are in the mentality where they feel everything should be handed to them. They don't want to work, and want a prince/princess to take care of them all day. The bad part is if someone does fall for them, that person is at constant risk of being replaced by anyone hotter/cooler who comes along.
It's much better to just avoid that type, and instead find someone you can trust. |
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