glider18
Supporting Member
Joined: Nov 09, 2008
Posts: 6804
Location: Ohio
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 Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 9:48 am Post subject: theory for being content with autism |
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It doesn't take long for us at the WrongPlanet to discover those of us that are happy and/or content with having autism...and those that are not happy and/or content with having autism. What I want to address are two reasons for why some of you (like me) are happy/content with our autism. First, as most of you know, I like to address the gifts that autism has given to me. If those gifts (talents/skills/etc.) give us pleasure, then it only seems natural to assume that we that have those gifts would be content with autism.
But, here comes the second part of my reasoning (which I am sure has been discussed elsewhere), many of us with autism do not like change. We like routines and changes to our routine/lifestyle/etc. can cause us anxiety/etc. So with this in mind, it seems reasonable to me that to change ourself (our brain wiring) from being under the autistic spectrum could seem like a threat to our existence.
Something I would like to add is that for me, as I have gotten older, I have become "happier" and more relaxed with myself. I do recall feeling much more awkward in my younger days. This awkwardness was often the result of me not fitting in the social crowd/mainstream of my peers. Thinking back on it, I felt awkward for sitting "on the bench" during school dances with the thinking that I was supposed to make an effort to participate, and I felt even more awkward when I tried to dance and do the things that my peers did. One thing I never did was drink or take drugs. I refused to take part in anything that I perceived as morally or legally wrong. I have always been very rule oriented, and to this day it frustrates me when I see others break these rules.
Anyway, this was just something I was thinking about this morning. And I wanted to share it with you. Maybe it gives a little more perspective as to why I accept autism in my life in a positive way. I feel autism has given me gifts. I feel autism has given me comforting routines. And I feel autism has given me a safe childhood---it kept me out of trouble because of my rules.
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Nightsun
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2009
Age: 31
Posts: 566
Location: Rome - Italy
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| Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 9:52 am Post subject: |
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I agree with you.
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Cultus_Diabolus
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 14, 2007
Posts: 730
Location: usa
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| Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 10:09 am Post subject: |
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imo autism including aspergers is a 2 sided sword, presenting both gifts as well as giving us hard ship. i tend to focus more on the good it has bring me than the hardship it has, as i have gotten older, the negative side of it has gotten less and less as i adapted, practice social skills ext. wile the good side stays strong as ever. any negative things it brings to us can be overcome with time and effort, and a little bit of friendly support.
on the drugs and alcohol thing, i spent most of my high school binge drinking, and being a pot head. the drinking was more about trying to fit in, never liked it to much. but i loved smoking, but have cut back by a hole lot.
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Kill a man and you’re a murderer. Kill many and you’re a hero. Kill them all you’re favored by the gods. –or dangerously unbalanced- |
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MommyJones
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 04, 2008
Posts: 684
Location: United States
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| Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 1:14 pm Post subject: |
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| I love threads like these. Thank you for always being positive! |
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zer0netgain
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 03, 2009
Posts: 4247
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| Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:26 pm Post subject: |
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Some things in life are beyond your control.
Being angry or bitter over them does nothing productive.
If nothing else, acceptance of where you are at removes that issue. |
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Maika
Blue Jay
Joined: Oct 01, 2009
Posts: 89
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 7:14 pm Post subject: |
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For the first 24 years of my life (I only found out about AS just before my 25th bday in April) I had spent hours trying to figure out why I was having so much trouble socially, why I couldn't make or keep friends or I always felt left out of everything including my family. I wasted a lot of energy trying to change myself and be more like the "normal" people. I was lonely, frustrated and unhappy with myself...though other people would never see it since I've trained myself to automatically put on a friendly face and pretend that everything was okay. My cousins and I from my dads side of the family grew up together so we were always close. Whern we were very young I don't remember feeling much different from them, but after a while I started noticing some differences between me and them (including my younger brother). They all had a lot of friends in common and I had no clue who they were talking about. They would dress in the latest fashion and wear makeup where ever they went (the girls not the boys lol) and I couldn't bothered. We never had any interests in common so I had nothing to talk about with them. Right now they all have a boyfriend, girlfriend or fiancee, and one is already married. I on the other hand have never been on a date or looked for one. They all grew up similarily but I didn't even though we were always together. Before I discovered AS, I was always frustrated at family events because I would always feel left out and I would silently obsess about the differences between us. When it came to school, in elementary I was always the smartest kid in my classes and even among my family. I had a little more trouble with the subjects in high school but I still managed to make honor roll. My family and my teachers all had high expectations of me, I was supposed to become the doctor of the family, the one most likely to finish university out of my family. Unfortunately I dropped out after a year and a half because I was struggling with how the courses were presented and didn't learn anything. My parents didn't want me to but I knew I was wasting my time and it wasn't worth the stress. I did end up going to a vocational school which did more hands-on learning rather than theory and that proved to be one of the best moves I ever made.
When I learned more about AS (and other disorders such as ADHD, CAPD and Dyslexia) I was excited. Though at first I was skeptical of idea that something was different neurologically with me, after reading some autobiographies I was more and more convinced that I was starting to uncover the mystery that was me. The more I researched the more I realized that the information I found explained a lot if not most of the problems I was having as I got older. I took a couple online tests that are supposed to be similar to the ones that the doctors give and everything pointed to me having Asperger's. Though I have yet to get a formal diagnosis (I tried to go see a GP for a referral but I ran away from the clinic cuz my anxiety was a little high, oops) but my own self diagnosis of AS has lifted a gigantic weight off my shoulders. I now better understand why I always felt different than everyone and why I struggled so much in post-secondary school. I no longer try to be like everyone else, I don't keep myself up at night wondering why i'm so different and now I'm proud of myself for being able to get to where I am despite the problems I've been having. For the first time in my life I'm happy with myself and instead of being just content with having AS, I'm very excited about it because I finally know who I am  if I can get the official diagnosis, I would be happy to tell the world I have Asperger's 
PS: I'm terribly sorry for the long post, I have a problem with being a bit pedantic  |
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Kezzstar
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Joined: Feb 24, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 1021
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 7:27 pm Post subject: |
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I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I have learned to love myself and I am comfortable with myself. I know who I am and I accept who I am. And I think it's wrong that people have labelled me as being a disease and that I should be cured.
Because that is what it would be. Kerryn would cease to exist, and another person named Kerryn would be inside my body.
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Mdyar
emuegg
Joined: May 29, 2009
Posts: 2514
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| Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 9:24 pm Post subject: |
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| glider18 wrote: |
Something I would like to add is that for me, as I have gotten older, I have become "happier" and more relaxed with myself. I do recall feeling much more awkward in my younger days. This awkwardness was often the result of me not fitting in the social crowd/mainstream of my peers. Thinking back on it, I felt awkward for sitting "on the bench" during school dances with the thinking that I was supposed to make an effort to participate, and I felt even more awkward when I tried to dance and do the things that my peers did. |
Yes, yes i can relate on this.
This would 'eat on me' and I developed an inferiority complex over these things, and could never see any positives in my self.
It seemed as if I became an adult around 40 for myself ,as all the fragmented parts of my 'un-understanding' of socially oriented things all at once congealed at this point in time for me.....
It took my visit here though to bring this to a completion and im settled now in a complete way of who I am (closure).
It's now been a matter of my family not trying to change me to fit into their' ideal mold' of how I should/shouldn't behave....
(There are some bpd issues here on their part but they seem to be coming around.) |
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glider18
Supporting Member
Joined: Nov 09, 2008
Posts: 6804
Location: Ohio
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| Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 9:51 pm Post subject: thank you |
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I am very appreciative of each one of your responses so far on this thread. Your input/stories/comments are wonderful. It makes me so happy to see that so many of you show the acceptance for who we are.
There have a been a few days in my life that I felt an incredible refreshing feel to my existence. Getting married one was one of them---wow, what a major step for me. Had it not been for an arranged blind date, I don't think I would ever have pursued a relationship that would have ended up in marriage. My wife has been so understanding of my differences---she is truly a special person. When I got saved at a small country church, I felt refreshed and reborn---although religion is something that I have struggled with through the years. Watching each one of my sons being born was beyond words. Seeing my first son born (since it was something I had never experienced before) gave me a feeling that I cannot describe. Getting my official diagnosis of Asperger's after turning 44 years of age this past November made me feel new and like I had stepped into a new beginning for myself. It was on that day that I began accepting my eccentric life, and I became satisfied with it. When my youngest son was officially diagnosed with Asperger's this past summer one was another refreshing feel---it helped explain our close bond. He and I share something very special in life---the autism spectrum. Though his autistic ways are often different than mine, we still seem to relate to each other in a way that no one else can. I will always cherish that day I was in therapy for issues with my Asperger's, and my family was there with me, and I was struggling in that office, and he came over to me, so upset because I was upset, and he put his arms around me and told me how much he loved me. My wife began crying, and the therapist was even on the edge of tears.
After I was diagnosed with Asperger's, I first had to try to make myself comfortable with the fact that I was autistic. In private, I began saying outloud, "I have autism...I have autism...I am autistic." From then, I became better able to discuss my autism with my family. My mother had a little trouble at first understanding that I was autistic, but now, she is comfortable with it and also enjoys tracing the autistic traits in our line of the family. Then, I took the large step. I launched a music ministry on hammered dulcimer/mountain dulcimer/harmonica at local area churches---where I discuss autism in my life and the musical gifts it has given me.
My motto at the bottom of my posts explains a lot about me. "My journey has just begun." In one month, I will have been diagnosed with Asperger's for one year. As I stepped out of that office and onto the streets of Cincinnati that day, I truly felt like my journey in life had just begun. I better knew who I was. I knew there was a reason why I had been the way I was in life. And I felt a powerful calming come over me. I breathed deeply the air outside of the office, and I felt refreshed.
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Francis
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Joined: Jul 07, 2009
Posts: 522
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| Posted: Sat Oct 10, 2009 12:25 am Post subject: |
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Noncontent person here. I really do try to find the positive side but I just can't personally locate it. I'm not trying to bring the thread down, I really want to understand. (yes I am jealous)
Your first point was around the gifts and talents that autism has given you. What gifts have you been given? I am a diagnosed AS but I do not have a special interest. So I have not really had that one or so items that I have exceled in. I am an engineer by trade and I excel quite well in my job, but I don't attribute that to autism. My brother has the same gift and we're in the same IQ range, but he is NT. So that gift would have more to do with family genetics then autism. (don't get me wrong I am thankful for that gift, I just don't attribute it to autism.)
Your second point was around routine and that being part of who you are and wouldn't want to lose it. I don't have a hard routine. My routine is no different then anyone else's routine. Get up, go to work, come home. In fact, it is probably even less strict. I don't have set hours at work. I kind of come and go as I please.
I meet criteria B in the DSM with various motor tics. I'm not sure how hand flapping, rocking, and facial grimaces is a gift? Woo-Hoo, let me celebrate the fact people stare at me like a psycho.
I'm sorry, I really do try I just can't find it. I am happy that some folks have found it becuase at least it gives me hope. I haven't given up on it. |
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jamesp420
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 12, 2009
Age: 20
Posts: 487
Location: Louisville, KY
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| Posted: Sat Oct 10, 2009 12:38 am Post subject: |
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| Francis wrote: | Noncontent person here. I really do try to find the positive side but I just can't personally locate it. I'm not trying to bring the thread down, I really want to understand. (yes I am jealous)
Your first point was around the gifts and talents that autism has given you. What gifts have you been given? I am a diagnosed AS but I do not have a special interest. So I have not really had that one or so items that I have exceled in. I am an engineer by trade and I excel quite well in my job, but I don't attribute that to autism. My brother has the same gift and we're in the same IQ range, but he is NT. So that gift would have more to do with family genetics then autism. (don't get me wrong I am thankful for that gift, I just don't attribute it to autism.)
Your second point was around routine and that being part of who you are and wouldn't want to lose it. I don't have a hard routine. My routine is no different then anyone else's routine. Get up, go to work, come home. In fact, it is probably even less strict. I don't have set hours at work. I kind of come and go as I please.
I meet criteria B in the DSM with various motor tics. I'm not sure how hand flapping, rocking, and facial grimaces is a gift? Woo-Hoo, let me celebrate the fact people stare at me like a psycho.
I'm sorry, I really do try I just can't find it. I am happy that some folks have found it becuase at least it gives me hope. I haven't given up on it. |
I think you just have to be proud of who you are, and realize that autism is a part of who you are.
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TheDoctor82
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 29, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 2312
Location: Sandusky, Ohio
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| Posted: Sat Oct 10, 2009 1:18 am Post subject: Re: theory for being content with autism |
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| glider18 wrote: | It doesn't take long for us at the WrongPlanet to discover those of us that are happy and/or content with having autism...and those that are not happy and/or content with having autism. What I want to address are two reasons for why some of you (like me) are happy/content with our autism. First, as most of you know, I like to address the gifts that autism has given to me. If those gifts (talents/skills/etc.) give us pleasure, then it only seems natural to assume that we that have those gifts would be content with autism.
But, here comes the second part of my reasoning (which I am sure has been discussed elsewhere), many of us with autism do not like change. We like routines and changes to our routine/lifestyle/etc. can cause us anxiety/etc. So with this in mind, it seems reasonable to me that to change ourself (our brain wiring) from being under the autistic spectrum could seem like a threat to our existence.
Something I would like to add is that for me, as I have gotten older, I have become "happier" and more relaxed with myself. I do recall feeling much more awkward in my younger days. This awkwardness was often the result of me not fitting in the social crowd/mainstream of my peers. Thinking back on it, I felt awkward for sitting "on the bench" during school dances with the thinking that I was supposed to make an effort to participate, and I felt even more awkward when I tried to dance and do the things that my peers did. One thing I never did was drink or take drugs. I refused to take part in anything that I perceived as morally or legally wrong. I have always been very rule oriented, and to this day it frustrates me when I see others break these rules.
Anyway, this was just something I was thinking about this morning. And I wanted to share it with you. Maybe it gives a little more perspective as to why I accept autism in my life in a positive way. I feel autism has given me gifts. I feel autism has given me comforting routines. And I feel autism has given me a safe childhood---it kept me out of trouble because of my rules. |
I fully agree with you. In fact, I was watching an episode of "Malcolm in the Middle" earlier about when he's taking part in a high school play, and it reminded me of that awkwardness; I'd see these people that were older than me--I mean like in their '30s and '40s..and wonder why they were so cool and suave; now I totally understand all of it.
They had time to grow into their skin, and learn to understand/appreciate themselves.
I guess we were always taught when we were young that we were supposed to participate and be social with everyone else, otherwise we'd fail miserably as we got older. We of course now know that it's utter BS, and there are indeed ways to work around it. Of course, what made it even harder was that we were taught we had to play their game on their playing field. Granted, it's harder to do when ya don't even understand what their game really is...and when you do attempt to attain a higher position in it, you don't understand the excitement of it..cause it's not what you really want.
Only those few and far between people will be true to you, and tell you that you gotta do what's right for you, and I praise them highly for it.
Nowadays, I am heading into that higher status territory...but on my terms, and I'm lovin' every minute of it |
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Batz
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 27, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 326
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| Posted: Sat Oct 10, 2009 1:37 am Post subject: |
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Yes, I agree, glider, though I cna't really fit into category number two. I like change hate structure. I'm more of the maverick at college, at home, and well, life in general. I guess this has to do more with my ADHD because if I follow rules and sit still I would be neurotic and go crazy.
I guess that's the case as in medicine. When I don't take medicine I'm overanxious and irritable, but when I take it I become calm and a zombie. Sure, my latter state makes me able to concentrate more, but I'm not as creative as my hyperactive, irritable stae. But in both these states I've become neurotic, mainly because of teachers shaming me and kids making fun of me until I conformed with society, or try to fit in the best I can. But nope, that won't help someone who thinks differently. It's like taming an eagle to be a chicken in a chicken coop. Doesn't work, now does it.
So while I'm neurotic, I'm content with my Autism. |
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Inventor
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 16, 2007
Posts: 5136
Location: New Orleans
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| Posted: Sat Oct 10, 2009 2:37 am Post subject: |
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Then there is big reason number three, what choice have I?
Like everyone else I can get by with what I have, or complain about it.
I save my complaints for the self elected who want to "help" me.
Mostly I am busy being me, and even if it was not productive, I can chose what I do, who I put up with, and strangly, it is more and more, as the "Will not work in this lifetime" people are excluded.
When young I had to deal with the worst of the lot, I left school at an early age, and had a lot less problem people in my life. That was back in the days when I was tolerant.
From 62 I would say that the problem people look for reasonable tolerent people to torture.
Since I started telling them just what I thought, they leave me alone.
They are few, and for everyone I sent packing a half dozen came forth with a smile on their face, and introduced themselves. We may get more of it, but no one likes the type.
I do things on my own, for too many thought I would be easy to steal from. People said I did not have a real job, now they ask if I am hiring.
My point is if I had not lead my own life I would not be who I am now, which is coming out useful, with social support.
We look younger than we are, we study longer and with interest, and we do come into our own later in life. Then the world finds that we are useful.
I am having a long childhood, so tell me about your early dotage.
It is like a race where everyone starts with a car. Most take off down the track at full speed, and I open the hood, learn what is there, tune it up, and then drive slowly till I get the feel of it. Before the race was half over I started passing broken down cars, dead drivers, a lot at the 40 year mark, and onward the road is littered.
Then I start catching up and passing those who are still moving but failing, and my car is like new. There is a lot less traffic, and the race is to the grave, where half will finish in their mid sixties.
It is a small percentage who live full lives into another thirty or forty years, and they are a lot like us. They might have gotten through the teen and young adult phase better, but they soon figured out they wanted social isolation, and they just hid out till the storms passed. First chance they got the pulled out of the race and learned about roses, or birds, or something, and are taking the scenic route to the grave. I can talk Floribundas and High Bush Teas, dogs like me, so I am now blending in with the best of people.
They lived a modest life, avoided status, bought real things that would last, and support their life. They avoid the same people we do or should.
So here past the end of the race for most, more than 75% will not make it past mid sixties, the rest are too busy living to notice.
Most of my enemies are dead, and I had nothing to do with it, they killed themselves, as most people do. Living your own life fully is the best medicine.
The living dead, the zombies, have returned to the grave, old children play among the flowers and talk to the hummingbirds, and most young people are fully involved in the race.
We have the same traits as the long distance survivors, we do fit in better when older, and getting a lot older is the prize.
Glider18's reasons one and two are a good path.
"Pick a path with heart, for you will be on it a long time." Native American saying |
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TheDoctor82
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 29, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 2312
Location: Sandusky, Ohio
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| Posted: Sat Oct 10, 2009 2:53 am Post subject: |
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Inventor, I absolutely love your analogy like you wouldn't even believe; it's so spot-on.
Glider, for me, learning I was Autistic was never really an issue. Trying to be "normal" never worked for me, so when I found out why, I just said "yep, that definitely explains a lot". No joke. |
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