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Keeno
Edinburgh
Joined: Mar 09, 2006
Posts: 1794
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
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 Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 8:06 pm Post subject: Standing your ground |
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For a long time I have been obsessed with how to better stand your ground in the face of individuals who are acting towards you in an exploitative or predatory way; or who speak to you in a way that perhaps compromises your dignity; or who are otherwise trying to dominate you.
Who else finds, as I do, that when standing up to such people and asserting your right not to be dominated, that the other person usually just retaliates more strongly? This often means I come out of it in a state of shock. This makes it difficult to stand my ground every time I need to, but I certainly can't allow myself to be dominated every time.
What pointers can there be to stand up to people better? I'm guessing that when I am assertive to someone's domination that, maybe, it comes across as challenging behaviour. How have people learned to stand their ground more effectively, or strike up the right balance doing so? |
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gramirez
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 10, 2008
Posts: 1327
Location: Barrington, Illinois
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| Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 8:36 pm Post subject: |
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I've always had a problem with not standing my ground. I used to just submit to the "attacker" to avoid making a scene, because it was usually in a setting where others were present. In retrospect, I really regret being so passive. I do agree that standing up to the person only makes them bite back harder, and then it spirals out of control - but I think it's certainly better than submitting to the enemy.
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TXaspie
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 16, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 236
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| Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 9:18 pm Post subject: |
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From my experience the best way to stand your ground is to start laughing.
It shows you see through their game. There's no reason to argue, human beings should get along.
So if someone is giving you sh**, trying to down you. Make a statement like "Hey guy/dude, is there a pole lodged up your ass? Need help removing it?" And then smile and laugh.
It works every time for me, people don't see it coming and then it makes them aware of the fact that they are f***ing with another human being for no reason. It works great in public too, just start going on a laughing spree. |
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FaithHopeCheese
Phoenix
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Joined: Oct 18, 2009
Posts: 534
Location: I think I'm lost
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| Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 11:29 pm Post subject: |
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Both of the previous posts are really good advice. Since I am non-confrontational, I usually just look aggressors in the eye, like "seriously?" People are really insecure, so if you call bullsh*t, they'll probably back down. No need to argue with a jackass.....
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Last edited by FaithHopeCheese on Sat Oct 24, 2009 2:07 am; edited 1 time in total |
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ebec11
Missing In Action: Innocence
Joined: Jan 18, 2008
Posts: 6575
Location: Somewhere in Canada
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| Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 12:11 am Post subject: |
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I try to surround myself with positive people, but that's not always possible. If the person is being subtle, it takes me a few weeks to figure out that they're messing with me and I'll be more upset with the person then if they bully me obviously. I can deal with bullies, I've had more then enough experience with them. The manipulators are the ones that get under my skin.
I don't know how to help you with standing your ground, because that comes naturally to me. I don't care what you think about me, if you've messed with me - watch out! Usually I ask my mom what to do first though, because I can be a bit brash when it comes to standing my ground.
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Mysty
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 25, 2008
Posts: 1062
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| Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 11:41 am Post subject: Re: Standing your ground |
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| Keeno wrote: | | Who else finds, as I do, that when standing up to such people and asserting your right not to be dominated, that the other person usually just retaliates more strongly? |
Oh yeah.
I think sometimes, the best strategy is to walk away (literally or figuratively). Depends on the situation. That's different than just taking it.
I guess the most important thing that's helped me is learning not to care what that person thinks. I don't have to convince them of my viewpoint. I just have to not let them dominate me, or whatever. Which most of the time doesn't require their cooperation.
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Tach
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Oct 31, 2009
Age: 19
Posts: 180
Location: Sol System
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| Posted: Sat Oct 31, 2009 8:23 am Post subject: |
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I always stand my ground when I believe in something, I used to waiver, but not anymore. I am even so bold as to get into arguments while using my real name at a site I work at (I have to use my real name due to company policy).
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