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mitharatowen
Fweh?
Joined: Oct 22, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 3744
Location: California
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 Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 12:09 pm Post subject: |
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I totally fit this. I definately spend a lot of time planning out everything to the smallest detail and, yes, figuring out what could go wrong.
| Shebakoby wrote: | | People such as my parents tend to believe that this tendency is some cleverly constructed way to get out of doing things. |
Yeah I get this too. I've been told that I pick things apart simply to find something I don't like about it so I have a reason to reject the advice or whatnot. This is not true. I'd say someone who does not 'pick apart' and evaluate advice to see if it would help their situation is a fool.
My ex-husband told me that I was a very negative person and was always complaining. This also is a misconception. I want to prepare for whatever possible things might go wrong so I try to anticipate them and come up with ways to counter them. And in voicing my concerns about how things might go wrong, I am perceived as complaining. But I don't necessarily reject circumstances that are difficult or have a high possibility of failure. I simply try to anticipate and compensate for potential failures which I deem as giving me a higher chance for success. I can't imagine 'just doing' something without trying to anticipate the pitfalls. Seems like a very stressful way to live and it seems to me that such an attitude would have a high chance for failure.
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| ToughDiamond wrote: | ... Apparently that wasn't what they wanted to hear - they were seeking reassurance and support for their plan rather than a literal answer to their question. ... Frankly that bothers me, and I wonder how groups avoid treading on banana skins if they don't want to see the banana skin map before they start walking. 
I suspect that NTs are fond of collective "psyching up" exercises to spin all the doubt from their heads before they tackle anything complicated or difficult, and when they're doing that, anybody trying to point out the truth to them isn't going to win any friends. |
I totally agree with this. This sounds a lot like what my ex was talking abount. You're apparently not supposed to point out the potential flaws in a situation because that makes you a negative person and makes everyone disheartened or something. The banana skin analogy is exactly how I feel about it. Great post 
Its funny too because part of the reason I bring up the potential pitfalls of a situation is because I want to discuss them with the said other person and find solutions and reassurances. So in that way it is similar to the NT thing you mentioned above. I do want reassurances. I just want them to be real and fact based. I don't want to be told 'its ok,' I want to be told 'It will be ok because if that happens we can do this: *details plan*". But for some reason other people don't seem to get this and I am still perceived as negative. *sigh*
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PlatedDrake
Velociraptor
Joined: Aug 26, 2009
Age: 29
Posts: 468
Location: Piedmont Region, NC, USA
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| Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 12:24 pm Post subject: |
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I often did this growing up, i had convinced myself of something happening that didnt (father was usually the target of these thoughts). It got to the point that I had believed my father didnt care about me, hated that i didnt live up to his expectations, etc. Still feel that way now, but it isnt as severe. That aside, there would be times i did this and would be correct (usually in a job setting). Outside of that, not too sure . . . dont hang out with friends that much.
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Willard
Suicide Mohel
Joined: Mar 24, 2008
Posts: 1552
Location: CSA
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| Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 2:34 pm Post subject: |
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Murphy's Law is the Aspie mantra:
Anything that CAN go wrong, WILL go wrong, at the WORST POSSIBLE MOMENT.
What kind of idiot wouldn't want to be prepared for every potential eventuality?
(and its not just about social anxiety, I do the same thing over finances and every other aspect of life....)
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Boston_MA
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Mar 22, 2009
Age: 22
Posts: 71
Location: Boston, MA USA
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| Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 2:50 pm Post subject: |
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| it's also because we don't like change so we think that changes won't work. |
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OuterBoroughGirl
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Oct 03, 2009
Age: 28
Posts: 50
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| Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 9:47 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah, I do this. I'm in therapy for chronic depression, anxiety, developing coping skills, that sort of thing. I've had a couple of therapists call me on this. It's especially bad when something has gone really wrong in a similar situation in the past. I have a tendency to perseverate on worst case scenarios, especially ones involving failure/ rejection. That can really cause my anxiety level to skyrocket. I wonder if this is directly related to AS.
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Spokane_Girl
There's no crying in baseball
Joined: Jul 17, 2007
Age: 24
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| Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 9:53 pm Post subject: |
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My anxiety makes me do this and my mom says it's a good thing. It makes me think.
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Audiophile
Snowy Owl
Joined: Nov 01, 2009
Age: 18
Posts: 159
Location: Northern Illinois
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| Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 11:42 pm Post subject: |
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People around me listen, then totally disregard what said and give me a look of "where did you get that ridiculous idea".
There has been many times where something goes wrong and I have about 10 different reasons as to why, but people walk away when I get to the 2-3rd reason, or if they're stuck in a car with me they talk over me and I have to stop because I don't see the reason why I should keep going, obviously they don't want to hear it.
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pensieve
Autist and Artist
Joined: Nov 19, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 2285
Location: NSW, Australia
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:24 am Post subject: |
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I used to be really really negative, now I may have some feelings and thoughts like that. I'm not as bad as my mum though.
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ToughDiamond
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Joined: Sep 16, 2008
Age: 57
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 10:21 am Post subject: |
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| mitharatowen wrote: | I want to prepare for whatever possible things might go wrong so I try to anticipate them and come up with ways to counter them. And in voicing my concerns about how things might go wrong, I am perceived as complaining......<snip>........You're apparently not supposed to point out the potential flaws in a situation because that makes you a negative person and makes everyone disheartened or something.
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Yep......I've been there too. No doubt there's something valid in the NT approach (for them), but they'd do well to communicate it a little better. It's not productive for them to just say "stop putting a damper on everything," that's a misjudgement. |
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