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How do you know if your standards are too high?
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HH
Deinonychus
Deinonychus


Joined: Oct 29, 2009
Posts: 316

PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice red herrings, but as you can see SINsister isn't going to fall for it and neither am I.

You definitely sound like one of the schlubs I was describing. Go ahead and pm me a pic if you want, and I'll let you know.
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ScratchMonkey
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl


Joined: Jan 27, 2007
Posts: 134

PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

SINsister wrote:
@ Scratch: so do you LARP in a MUD?


No LARPing, but I do play lots of alts in WoW, many of them female. I sometimes get asked if I'm a girl. My response is that the meat avatar holding the mouse is male. And I remind people that gender identity is not the same as gender preference. I'm a guy on my guys and a girl on my girls, but I always like girls.

I don't deliberately RP, although I sometimes do it quasi-farcically in the global trade chat channel.

My brother likes to take advantage of his being female in game by drawing the gifting attention of the guys playing the game. I find it so hard to not refer to him as "him" or "my brother" when grouping with strangers. I find it awkward when guys gift me with stuff (I'm very self-sufficient and hate being dependent), but it gives me a window into the female experience I'd otherwise not have.
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therange
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl


Joined: Sep 04, 2009
Posts: 149

PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 2:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

HH wrote:
Nice red herrings, but as you can see SINsister isn't going to fall for it and neither am I.

You definitely sound like one of the schlubs I was describing. Go ahead and pm me a pic if you want, and I'll let you know.


You can call it a double standard, but men aren't sex objects of objects of beauty, women are. My brother is a "10" and all the women think he's really hot, and he's a virgin at age 25 because he's not outgoing or dominant around women. He's been passed up for other men who don't even have half of the looks he has.
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SINsister
the towering inferno
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Joined: May 26, 2005
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 2:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

therange wrote:
You can call it a double standard, but men aren't sex objects of objects of beauty, women are. My brother is a "10" and all the women think he's really hot, and he's a virgin at age 25 because he's not outgoing or dominant around women. He's been passed up for other men who don't even have half of the looks he has.


That may be...but, then again, there are - and have been - very few truly "beautiful" male specimens (at least in my humble and honest opinion), which probably helps to explain that gross and unbalanced dichotomy. Overall, the majority of men appear coarse and common, and most aren't worth setting an eye upon.

I happen to love beautiful men, and always have. Send your brother my way, if you don't mind. Wink
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SINsister
the towering inferno
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Joined: May 26, 2005
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Location: six feet over

PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 2:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ScratchMonkey wrote:
SINsister wrote:
@ Scratch: so do you LARP in a MUD?


No LARPing, but I do play lots of alts in WoW, many of them female. I sometimes get asked if I'm a girl. My response is that the meat avatar holding the mouse is male. And I remind people that gender identity is not the same as gender preference. I'm a guy on my guys and a girl on my girls, but I always like girls.

I don't deliberately RP, although I sometimes do it quasi-farcically in the global trade chat channel.

My brother likes to take advantage of his being female in game by drawing the gifting attention of the guys playing the game. I find it so hard to not refer to him as "him" or "my brother" when grouping with strangers. I find it awkward when guys gift me with stuff (I'm very self-sufficient and hate being dependent), but it gives me a window into the female experience I'd otherwise not have.


That's intriguing; my ex-bf also plays as a female, in FF online. I've never RPd, because I don't have the patience. If I did, however, I'd probably play as a male or an androgyne. Hmm.
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therange
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 2:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I sent you both my pic.
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ScratchMonkey
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 3:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Since you're a photobug, I figured I'd post this from a 2004 visit to the Kennedy Space Center. I'm a rank amateur, but love the process of "getting the shot".

http://www.sewingwitch.com/ken/photos/2004/0728/
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HH
Deinonychus
Deinonychus


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 4:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great pics, ScratchMonkey.

I was surprised by therange's pic, but I really shouldn't have been. He's about a 5. His features and physique are good enough that it would be higher if everything about his appearance didn't radiate "severe jerk".

Just to make sure it wasn't me, I showed the pic to other women without telling them what it was about, and asked them to assign a number. They all came out the same -- "uh, maybe 5. He looks like a total jerk".

He might not actually be a jerk, but he's got that look going to his bearing and expression.
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HH
Deinonychus
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 4:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If men put as much effort into their appearances as women do, there'd be as many beautiful men as beautiful women. The raw material is there.
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CrinklyCrustacean
Sea Gull
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 7:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

HH wrote:
If men put as much effort into their appearances as women do, there'd be as many beautiful men as beautiful women. The raw material is there.


The raw material should be enough. It shouldn't need enhancing, and that goes for both sexes.
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HH
Deinonychus
Deinonychus


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 7:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
HH wrote:
If men put as much effort into their appearances as women do, there'd be as many beautiful men as beautiful women. The raw material is there.


The raw material should be enough. It shouldn't need enhancing.


For whom? "Should" is most often a meaningful word only when applied to oneself. At any other time, it becomes, well, toddler-esque.

therange's examples of women he finds to be "10s" are all examples of women with extremely laboriously-acquired appearances, for example. That's pretty common. In fact, very few people, male or female, finds a grossly undergroomed person attractive, no matter how lovely the raw material.
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CrinklyCrustacean
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 7:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

HH wrote:
In fact, very few people, male or female, finds a grossly undergroomed person attractive, no matter how lovely the raw material.


I didn't mean that people should look scruffy, but there is a sense in which you can 'overgroom' yourself to the point where your look is more artificial than natural. That is what I object to. For example, women who disguise their natural beauty with makeup and end up looking worse rather than better, or men who dress like people they really aren't.
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MissConstrue
Has left WP.
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Joined: Feb 05, 2008
Posts: 16635

PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 7:21 pm    Post subject: Re: How do you know if your standards are too high? Reply with quote

Jaejoongfangirl wrote:
How do you know if your standards are too high? What is the line between realistic standards and standards that are too low or too high?


Good question.

I'm not sure but if you have so many offers and less takes simply because they're not enough of what you want than maybe your expectations are too high.

But again this question is all in the perspective of that said person. If they're happy to be alone with high expectations then it's only a problem if they have a problem with it. I think where it crosses the line is when that person demands more out of the other. That is if that person who has high standards is already in a relationship then there is the imbalance of power between them both.

In short, if you can't change that person to be something they're not, might as well move on or stop complaining.
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Tim_Tex
Bunnies!!!
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 7:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am tired of people trying to convince me that having any standards whatsoever constitutes standards that are too high.

In other words, people think I should settle for whoever comes along.
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ScratchMonkey
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl


Joined: Jan 27, 2007
Posts: 134

PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 8:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

HH wrote:
therange's examples of women he finds to be "10s" are all examples of women with extremely laboriously-acquired appearances, for example.


I went back to get his examples:

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004963/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_Leeves
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patricia_Heaton

On-set of course actresses have "extremely laboriously-acquired appearances", but I'm not seeing how, off-set, they'd need to do anything special.

Like CC, I don't want makeup or a hairdo. I like the natural look. Basic clean. That seems like a reasonable thing for either gender to expect.
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