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omfgz
Hummingbird
Joined: Oct 31, 2009
Posts: 21
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 Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 12:37 pm Post subject: Smiling, being nice and generally 'pleasant' |
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I've always been told from my parents and stuff that just sitting there being silent but smiling and being nice is enough, and that I don't have to be constantly making jokes and being bold and outrageous/outgoing. I've found that while that works to mantain friendships/relationships in general, you have to put yourself out there somewhat, even at the risk of sounding wierd or whatever, to obtain more relationships from different people. In fact, the most popular people I know often act strange and make fools of themselves somewhat in the process of being outgoing, as long as they don't say anything too morally wrong or awkard, like something really personal.
Anyway, I get really easily stressed and upset whensocial situations don't go right, and force myself to be as socially active as possible, as well as easily jelous of other people's relationships, especialy if it's with someone I used to have a good relationship with (I used to be friends with this girl at church, and now she's a total b***h and just talks to my sister all the time, which you can imagine can be kind of hurtful to me, especialy since I am often jelous of that sister's and my other sister's outgoingness, but it doesn't much anymore. I find having other friends and good relationships to back up other bad social situations and getting rejected helps, as long as you don't let it get obsessive like i did and still do), but I just have to pardon myself for having aspergers when things don't go socially right.
Anyway, the whole point of this is to tell you that this can work, but also being outgoing and having a friend by your side to guide you if you can obtain that can help you, as well as just letting it go if you ever get as stressed or hard on yourself like I sometimes am, can make it alot easier. But you can't expect yourself to be as socially active and outgoing or popular as most people. Just withdraw into a book or something that you like for a while, like I do.
P.s., I'm new here and have been reading alot of stuff from the forums lately and have learned alot about how other people react to aspergers other than myself and two cousins of mine who have it, who happen to react to it in the total opposite way that I do, which is being outgoing and obnoxious at times, etc., while I'm often shy, nervous, and genrally unsure about myself. |
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DeadFire87
Raven
Joined: Sep 17, 2009
Age: 22
Posts: 114
Location: USA/VA
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| Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 11:28 am Post subject: |
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I am often very much the same way. Only recently have I been trying to be social with people and so far I don't see that progressing much. I have been trying to push myself more though and have enough reached out to try and get a job and also been reaching out to this girl I know and trying to talk to her and get her to hang out or go out with me. I have always had feelings for her though. So who knows where it may go. I am really doubtful as I have no job right now and no money or anything to get her to like me. I am very scared that she won't even want to talk to me after I sent her a message asking her to hang out or go out with me. Maybe I sent wrong message as she has broken up with her boyfriend last week or so ago.
My mother says the same type of thing to me. My dad says stop being that way and go talk to someone. Always have an internal conflict whenever I have to talk to someone. |
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omfgz
Hummingbird
Joined: Oct 31, 2009
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 4:45 pm Post subject: sdf |
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| You seem to have the same kind of reaction to aspergers as me. You worry, you kind of push yourself, etc, and that's kind of the way I am, though lately I've been trying and worrying less. I woke up depressed and tired, took a long nap, and woke up fairly refreshed and enough so to do some writing, though i didn't do any other work that day. And part of the reason I woke up so tired was because yesterday was an unusually social day for me, and I'd out alot of effort into being social, which made me, the next day, whether I noticed right away or not, exhausted. But the reason I feel refreshed now is partly due to the fact that i didn't push myself to interact with anyone today. |
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Mapler
Snowy Owl
Joined: Oct 14, 2008
Age: 16
Posts: 173
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:26 am Post subject: |
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| I think I can be pleasant and helpful to my peers at school (the only social interaction I ever get since I don't go out a lot), but there is no way I can tell people about my interests. I am just too boring with my narrow interests. I push myself to at least help other people if they need help in school subjects I'm strong in. I dunno if this is working or not but people are generally neutral with me. Yeah, I have one best friend out of like 2 (maybe I'll count 4 since I have a few acquaintances). Anyway, I see my best friend in his clique daily during lunch so I don't both approaching him anymore (he is a grade under me so that would look stupid so I stopped this year). I'm totally jealous of his ease to put himself in a group like that IDK exactly how to put it. |
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DeadFire87
Raven
Joined: Sep 17, 2009
Age: 22
Posts: 114
Location: USA/VA
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:27 pm Post subject: |
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Even if I talk to people of any sort on Facebook or something. The next day I try and relax and just play some video games or do something to push them from away from my mind.
You can be pleasant and helpful, but you can expand your interests by simply looking at the parent of your interests. Say you like Space, and Science Fiction. If you read enough about them you can learn that fantasy can become true as well so then Fantasy is also a part of the spectrum. Also works for anything else like Guns and swords. Like guns and swords then if you read alot about them you can learn of assembly, history of their use, and smelting practices as well. Many people are interested in History and the Future. 
Its not so bad if people are neutral to you. It means that they don't hate you and they may fear hurting you by liking you and not fitting with the way you are. I know how you feel with your friend. I met a few people in HS that would talk to me, but then at lunch or something they run off in a group of people I don't know and don't bother to speak to me. I still don't know what to think of them. Some were friendly and others just ignored me completely. Like this time at lunch with SOL testing with classes and lunch schedules switched around I tried to sit at table with some people I knew and they all kinda jumped up and left me alone when I got there. Well they kept talking to each other at first and said nothing at all to me. Just ignored me. I thought they were more friendly that they were. That day made me realize I had no real friends in school. I almost started to cry that day in school. |
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omfgz
Hummingbird
Joined: Oct 31, 2009
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 5:32 pm Post subject: |
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| DeadFire87 wrote: | Even if I talk to people of any sort on Facebook or something. The next day I try and relax and just play some video games or do something to push them from away from my mind.
You can be pleasant and helpful, but you can expand your interests by simply looking at the parent of your interests. Say you like Space, and Science Fiction. If you read enough about them you can learn that fantasy can become true as well so then Fantasy is also a part of the spectrum. Also works for anything else like Guns and swords. Like guns and swords then if you read alot about them you can learn of assembly, history of their use, and smelting practices as well. Many people are interested in History and the Future.
Its not so bad if people are neutral to you. It means that they don't hate you and they may fear hurting you by liking you and not fitting with the way you are. I know how you feel with your friend. I met a few people in HS that would talk to me, but then at lunch or something they run off in a group of people I don't know and don't bother to speak to me. I still don't know what to think of them. Some were friendly and others just ignored me completely. Like this time at lunch with SOL testing with classes and lunch schedules switched around I tried to sit at table with some people I knew and they all kinda jumped up and left me alone when I got there. Well they kept talking to each other at first and said nothing at all to me. Just ignored me. I thought they were more friendly that they were. That day made me realize I had no real friends in school. I almost started to cry that day in school. |
Omg, I'm so sorry about that. I wasn't planning on replying right away, but when i read that I felt really bad and I just wanna hug you or something. I totaly understand and can sympathise with that, and from what i read of these boards it seems that the majority of us (aspergers people) have a somewhat similair personality and way of looking at social things and are in the same situation mainly. But, believe me, it gets better .Just a few months ago I felt exactly the same way--worse, even--but I just started to really reach out and things got better. Do you have any siblings? Cause that's where I started and kind of learned to interact from them. I'm really sorry about that, that's just the way it is with us aspergers, and some of us find internet friends at first, for instance. That's what I did a few years ago, then I started interacting with my family more. But chances are you're better in a lot of ways then those people who did that.
P.s., sorry I didn't reply to you, mapler, I just felt an urgent need to reply to deadfire first and didn't really feel like doing alot of talking. |
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