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thecutevegan
Butterfly
Joined: Oct 29, 2009
Posts: 12
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 Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2009 11:19 am Post subject: |
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| I didn't get through all the replies but after reading the first few I was surprised no one had a theory. I didn't end up getting married but I did DECIDE to get pregnant at 16. If you think about aspies we don't see/understand(or sometimes, care about) those unwritten social rules like don't get married without questioning it, or wait until you are older to have a baby even though you really want one. |
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wigglyspider
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 24, 2009
Posts: 823
Location: USA
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 7:01 am Post subject: |
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I agree with you, I'm not mature enough.. it just feels really weird when I think about it, because I still feel like a kid. XD;
Lots of the NT people I went to school with are getting married though. They're all in their early 20s. And actually I have one close friend who plans to get married soon too... she's not AS but I don't think she's NT, and I DON'T think she's ready. Most of my closer friends aren't planning to get married any time soon though, AS or NT.
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"Things should be as simple as possible, but no simpler." - Albert Einstein |
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Azharia
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 05, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 335
Location: Cork, Ireland
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 9:25 am Post subject: |
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Funny spider, I still feel like a kid too in a lot of ways.
But I think my husband does too, whether he is NT or Aspie I have no idea.
So really we both act and feel like kids most of the time so marriage works out fairly nicely. :p Being a parent and feeling like a kid is strange, but we're happily managing. :p |
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ZKatchoo
Butterfly
Joined: Nov 03, 2009
Age: 28
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 11:41 am Post subject: |
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I got married at 26, but I had been with my husband for 5 years at that point.
I felt like I was getting married early, but there was no real reason to wait.
I never felt immature, but I had to care for a mentally disabled mother on my own while I grew up along with my own Asperger's so perhaps that aged me some.
Also, the comment on getting married so we can be taken care of was rather rude. I'm graduating with my bachelor's and hopefully moving on to my master's. I did not have to give up any goals or sit on my fanny to be with him.
Honestly, like everyone else in life, people's marriages are a case by case basis. To lump them into one category or try to generalize them is simply not going to work. I wish it were that easy. |
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grendel
Blue Jay
Joined: Aug 27, 2006
Posts: 95
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| Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 1:57 am Post subject: |
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Hm. I have to say most of the speculation of people who did not get married earlier or do not want to about why other people do seems very inaccurate to me. For my part I was ready to get married when I was 17 and I would have if the person I wanted to marry had been so inclined. I ended up marrying (someone else) when I was 24. It didn't work out, I am now divorced (regarding the person who said you have to prove incompatibility when getting divorced... that was not the case. I think this varies by state).
I have never felt I got married too young nor do I think I would have felt this if I got married at 17. The reason was, I was in love, I knew I would be committed to that person, and I have never felt the point of "dating" or uncommitted relationships. You're either dedicated to the person or not. If you are in, you are absolutely loyal. I had always wanted to be a wife and mother and in a committed relationship. The idea of a relationship that is not fully committed bothers me. Of course, I have since found out that other people do not necessarily view marriage this way and it does not mean they are fully committed to you, nor do they necessarily view love that way. I am not sure I have encountered any one who shares my version of love, which cannot contemplate purposeful harm to the other person. Perhaps many of us get married young because we are only interested in deep committed relationships not trying out different people in a more superficial relationship?
Personally I don't feel I am immature though other people sometimes say I act this way, I feel a lot more mature than most people I know. I think the perception of immaturity is more due to not behaving in the expected way or getting upset about things that they do not think should be upsetting. |
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Aspiemama
Emu Egg
Joined: Jun 13, 2009
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 10:09 pm Post subject: Obsession & Love- Why I married young |
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| Please don't judge me, I don't know why I am the way I am, although I am diagnosed AS & OCD. By the time I was 17 I had a two year relationship with an older guy. Then I dated a guy for 3 year years, and then met my husband at the age of 21. My prior boyfriend I wasn't into marrying, but had that obsession part of it...but he always wanted to be around me. My husband wasn't the type that was afraid to be alone, and he very much had his own life. I chased him and he told me he was falling in love with me, yet he still would take a lot of time to himself. I was so obsessed that I couldn't be apart from him. So we got married 7 months later and I was 22. For the first few years I was pretty attentive to him and still attracted to him...we have been married 11 years, but I married a man like my AS father who is an avoidant personality. He has neglected me for years and I never realized that he was manipulative until we went to two marriage counselors. They both said that we will probably get divorced because my husband doesn't want to work on issues. So over the 11 year marriage I have had two affairs! Both happened when a guy chased me for months, I gave in, and I became completely obsessed! My psychologist and psychiatrist attribute my obsession part with OCD...which is true, I do have co-occuring OCD, and I become so obsessed that I become compulsive and do things I don't want to do, but its like I have to else I'll die, or freak out, or feel like I need to check myself into a mental hospital. The second guy it happened with turned out to be bi-polar I think, and we argued through text message. My husband knows about the affairs but not all the details of the last one. I hate myself for this though, because I should be a Christian girl...but at 33, I am very vulnerable to falling for a guy if he persues me..so right now I feel like I am going through withdrawls because I told him I was moving to get away from him. Crazy I know...I am crazy. Sometimes I feel I should go to a psych ward to figure myself out. Its like a romance addiction...NOT sex addiction...I love the new of a new relationship, the excitement and brain chemicals that flood my brain. That is what it is. Perhaps its because my marriage is unsatisfactory, but I have always been dumped by the guys I was really obsessed with, or dumped everyone else that I got tired of. Sex makes me become even more obsessed / attached. |
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