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seasparrow
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: May 31, 2007
Posts: 70
Location: Bristol, UK
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 Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 4:11 pm Post subject: How do I tell my work mate that her flask makes me crazy...? |
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We recently moved offices and now the floor we are on is very quite and away from the noise of the traffic. My work collegue who sits next to me brings a flask of coffee in every day. What is driving me insane is the noise the coffee makes as it is poured into the cup. I equate the feeling to that of nails on a blackboard.
Its getting so bad now that even the sound of the cup being unscrewed from the flask is making me flinch in anticipation of the 'coffee pouring' moment. Certain liquid sounds have always had a negative affect on me but this is really driving me insane now because she has like 4-5 cups every morning. How can I explain this to her whithout sounding crazy so she will pour it somewhere else... and she dont take any type of critisism well.
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hartzofspace
Red Dragon
Joined: Apr 15, 2005
Posts: 4853
Location: In the Fortress Of Solitude
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 4:53 pm Post subject: |
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I used to sit near a co-worker, who ate crunchy candies whenever she was stressed. It was very annoying, but I am pretty sure that if I complained, she would have thought I was crazy or something. When it is something completely alien to the NT mind, (esp. the concept of an innocent sound driving one crazy) it is difficult to know exactly how it could be addressed. Can you wear noise canceling headphones?
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seasparrow
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: May 31, 2007
Posts: 70
Location: Bristol, UK
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 5:06 pm Post subject: |
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Holy sh** lol
2 things here...
1. You read my mind. I packed my headphones just before I wrote this thread!
2. The TV show I'm watching (well its on in the background)... he poured coffee from a flask and it shot through my body. Strange how that is the only thing I have picked up on in TV show.
This 'noise', it would seem, is now affecting my personal life as well... I am in danger of developing a serious phobia of coffee flasks... ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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buryuntime
oh comely
Joined: Dec 07, 2008
Posts: 1254
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:22 pm Post subject: |
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A. Get ear plugs.
B. Play music with headphones on.
Even a low volume of music in your ears will drown out the sound and you will still be able to hear important things around you. |
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gramirez
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 10, 2008
Posts: 1019
Location: Illinois
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:24 pm Post subject: |
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"Excuse me, but it drives me crazy when you pour coffee into your flask."
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seasparrow
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: May 31, 2007
Posts: 70
Location: Bristol, UK
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 11:39 am Post subject: |
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well the headphones turned out to be not very practical and my problem is getting worse. now the sould of any liquid being poured is starting to affect me - I even had trouble pouring the hot water into my coffee cup this morning. I recently gave up smoking and all my senses are hightened... this is clearly going to be something I will need some sort of therapy for... Grrrr
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elderwanda
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 18, 2008
Age: 42
Posts: 1049
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 12:14 pm Post subject: |
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I'm no expert on these things, but I think the important thing is to convey the message that the problem is within yourself, and not her. You don't want to make it sound like there is something wrong with what she's doing, because she's just having some coffee. The problem is your own sensitivity, which you acknowledge is kind of unusual. (Unlike people who microwave popcorn in the office every day, with that nasty fake butter flavoring which stinks up the building. They really are trying to make the rest of us retch, and ought to be beaten upside the head.)
So, I think if it were me, I'd probably say something like,
"You know, this is really, really weird of me, but there are certain noises that just make me feel all tense for some reason. One of them is the sound that the coffee makes when it's getting poured into that flask. Do you think maybe you could pour it someplace else, or when I'm not around, or warn me first, since I've got this crazy sensitivity to the sound? It's kind of my version of fingernails on the chalkboard." [Most people, even NTs, seem to relate to the "fingernails on the chalkboard" feeling.]
Actually, that's the kind of thing I think is the best thing to say, but honestly I would be nervous about saying anything, because confrontation of any sort is very difficult for me. And of course, it depends on the coworker. I've had a lot of coworkers that you can't say anything to or they'll twist it around into a personal attack, and next thing you know, you're in the boss' office listening to a lecture about attitude.
It's a pain, isn't it?
I'm having the same issue with my husband and his daily bowl of cereal. I haven't been able to say anything, because no matter how I try to phrase things to say, "You are not the problem, and I am not criticizing you", he takes it that way. He eats this crunchy cereal, and the sound sets me on edge. He keeps opening his mouth to take a breath, and when he does so, it amplifies the crunching sound. Also, he puts way less milk on his cereal than I would, and I can't bear to think of eating the cereal that way. I can't sit with him when he's eating it, or I'm likely to get so annoyed I start saying things like, "Have you considered breathing through your nose?" Once in a while, I try to playfully say, "What crunchy cereal!" as if I'm making an observation but I'm not freaking out about it. Still, he gets all hurt and defensive.
Personally, I can't stand earplugs. I hate the way they feel and the way they make it so that I can hear my own blood circulating and my jaw creaking.
Good luck.
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GoonSquad
Phoenix
Joined: May 12, 2007
Age: 39
Posts: 528
Location: The City of Townsville
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 12:48 pm Post subject: |
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I think your own flask of bourbon should counteract her flask of coffee nicely.
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elderwanda
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 18, 2008
Age: 42
Posts: 1049
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 1:15 pm Post subject: |
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| GoonSquad wrote: | | I think your own flask of bourbon should counteract her flask of coffee nicely. |
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sartresue
Radical Aspergian
Joined: Dec 19, 2007
Posts: 4606
Location: The Castle of Shock and Awe-tism
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 1:26 pm Post subject: |
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Flask flak topic
At work places, certain jungles on the radio that play a few times a day drive me bonkers. But I can live through it. What I have done is to hyperfocus it away, or done some meditation surrounding it.
Actually, I like the sound of pouring liquids. and you might like the sound of the radio jungles.
She probably has no idea the swooshing of liquids is annoying, and might be surprised.
The flask itself might be the problem. If you could get a similar flask, analyze why the noise is as it is, and investigate different flasks in order to find one that might be noiseless, and either suggest a new improved flask to her or make it a gift (Christmas is coming!).
Just a few ideas. Hope something good comes up for you. 
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