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wormsto
Hummingbird
Joined: Sep 08, 2009
Posts: 23
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 Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 6:17 am Post subject: cant get a girlfriend. |
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i have been trying to get a girlfriend for some time but the following things get in my way, need advice please.
1) i am too nervous to ask anyone out.
2) my hair is considered by most people i know to be too long. ( i am really uncomfortable about getting a haircut)
3) i wouldent know how to act on a date, where to go, what to talk about. e.t.c
im 15 btw. |
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hale_bopp
All Kinds of Freak
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 24
Posts: 7126
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 6:49 am Post subject: |
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You're extremely young. I have not ever been in a proper, mutually awesome 100% relationship before and I'm nearly 25.
1) I can't help you there, i'm the same
2) You should get a hair cut. The first thing you need to do is to fight your demons with getting it cut. What is the issue with it and I will try to help you.
3) For someone that young you're very limited in what you can do on a date anyway. My reccomendation would be a fast food meal after a movie. Then you can watch the movie in peace and it will give you something to talk about afterwards.
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The www will take you to paradise. |
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wormsto
Hummingbird
Joined: Sep 08, 2009
Posts: 23
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 7:05 am Post subject: |
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the reason that i dont like getting my hair cut is that people who cut my hair will often pull on my hair slightly without realizing, and i find this sensation extremely unpleasent.
concerning your advice on dates i would be uncomfortable standing in lines to buy tickets, should i ask the girl what film she would want to see before hand and then get the tickets online? |
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Audiophile
Snowy Owl
Joined: Nov 01, 2009
Age: 18
Posts: 159
Location: Northern Illinois
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 7:05 am Post subject: |
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You're way too young to even be bothering in this.
Wait until you have your license so you're not like "I'll have my MOM pick us up". I've always that sounded so cheesy.
The first and last date I ever went on about a year ago(before my license) i actually rode my bike over to the theater and just met the girl there.
1) every single human in the known world is like this
2) how long is it? I'm a big fan of long hair so that wouldn't bother me(but i ain't gay)
3) Nobody does, you just do it.
My date was terrible, I didn't say barely a word the whole time, it was awful. I kick myself to this day to even bother doing such things.
Since then I've vowed to not even bother with dating or girls in general. If one talks to me, great, if they don't, oh well, no my problem.
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hale_bopp
All Kinds of Freak
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 24
Posts: 7126
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 7:10 am Post subject: |
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| wormsto wrote: | the reason that i dont like getting my hair cut is that people who cut my hair will often pull on my hair slightly without realizing, and i find this sensation extremely unpleasent.
concerning your advice on dates i would be uncomfortable standing in lines to buy tickets, should i ask the girl what film she would want to see before hand and then get the tickets online? |
hmm. Well maybe you could ask around and see if you could get reccomended a good hairdresser? I know what its like having no confidence but you just need to realise that a hairdresser wont bite your head off for asking them to be careful with pulling, its their job to give a service. What about people you know who can cut hair? Do you know anyone?
That might be a good idea if you don't know what to say in a line. I can understand how thats very awkward. How do you feel about going out in groups? I've always found by having more than just two people there it really takes the pressure off you to talk all the time. This might give you a chance to get comfortable around her.
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racooneyes
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 24, 2009
Age: 30
Posts: 357
Location: blackeye, outer rim
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 8:21 am Post subject: |
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Cut your own hair, with clippers that is not scissors, it's great fun but will be cold so buy a hat first 
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read all the pamphlets and watch the tapes!
get all confused and then mix up the dates. |
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ablomov
Toucan
Joined: Jul 20, 2008
Posts: 288
Location: northern hemisphere
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 10:15 am Post subject: To me .. |
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.. thats the hardest question in the world ie how to get a partner or have fun with a friendship. At 51 I feel like I now am able enough to be a fourteen year old re life, opposite sex etc.
All I can suggest is be bright, be yourself, never lie or exaggerate, present yourself well, laundered clean clothes, clean / bathed skin, a little aftershave, clean hands and nails. The big thing is to enjoy the other person .. its all chemistry.
To me being out in the landscape would be my preferred opening situation re dating, fun days in the countryside. I could say that I've never known anyone want my company .. tho that would be untrue.... feels like it though.
So much of this socialising stuff depends on mixing in 'social circles' that will facilitate a connection with the likely candidate.
This info any good??
You see, even being among others makes me nervous and uncomfortable if I don't have my business hat on. So its a no-win situation for me. |
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wormsto
Hummingbird
Joined: Sep 08, 2009
Posts: 23
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 10:27 am Post subject: |
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| thanks everyone u are all giving really good advice |
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Willard
Suicide Mohel
Joined: Mar 24, 2008
Posts: 1547
Location: CSA
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 2:51 pm Post subject: |
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...
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Last edited by Willard on Sat Nov 07, 2009 4:38 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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LadyMacbeth
They made me do it.
Joined: May 28, 2007
Posts: 1867
Location: In the girls toilets at Hogwarts, washing the blood off my hands.
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 4:30 pm Post subject: |
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Would just like to point out that a lot of girls LOVE long hair.
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We are the mutant race!!!! Don't look at my eyes, don't look at my face... |
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iquanyin
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Apr 19, 2009
Posts: 33
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 5:43 pm Post subject: my thoughts (i'm female) |
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first, i disagree that you're "too young." age is irrelevant here, imho. people in the past and in other parts of the world are raising families and such at 15. the continual raising of the supposedly "right" age for this stuff is more an economic/cultural thing that has little to do with individual development.
plus if it's something you're wanting and thinking of a lot, that alone says to me you're age is suitable.
second: tho hard to avoid, it's best to approach people as people, not as pieces to complete the various "incomplete" bits of one's life. now i'm not saying this to jump on you! it's something i and most of us do without thinking. it's not "bad" but simply not as effective and leads to problems later.
here's what i mean: first, by looking for "a girlfriend" (vs. knowing someone and finding that you two, in the course of relating generally, are increasingly drawn to spend time, have growing regard and attraction, etc) you get the problem you have now: you get nervous, you don't know "how" properly, and so on.
and after you do accomplish your goal, you will subtly feel that since you now have "a girlfriend" she will (hopefully) behave as whatever your concept of "girlfriend" is. and of course, she won't. and it leads to other problems.
anyway, i could write a book but won't. maybe thinking what i've said over will ease things for you and make your life a bit smoother. |
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hale_bopp
All Kinds of Freak
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 24
Posts: 7126
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 6:21 pm Post subject: Re: my thoughts (i'm female) |
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| iquanyin wrote: | | first, i disagree that you're "too young." |
I didn't say he is too young, I said he is "very young".
The fact remains that it is a huger problem in his life atm so even if it isnt a big deal to others, its a big deal to him thats why I am trying to offer help. At that age my crushes were a big deal too.
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The www will take you to paradise. |
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Dilbert
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 30, 2009
Age: 35
Posts: 754
Location: Seattle
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 9:31 pm Post subject: |
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You are not looking for a "girlfriend". That sounds creepy. If you talk to girls and make it sound like a girlfriend interview, basically if you make it sound like you want something from her, you'll get rejected.
Stop looking for a girlfriend and start asking girls out on a date. Just a date. Coffee or a bite to eat or a movie or whatever. You should have no expectations past a first date. Take her out and see what happens. That's all. |
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Merle
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Nov 01, 2007
Posts: 190
Location: Lake Tahoe
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 10:35 pm Post subject: Re: cant get a girlfriend. |
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| wormsto wrote: | i have been trying to get a girlfriend for some time but the following things get in my way, need advice please.
1) i am too nervous to ask anyone out.
2) my hair is considered by most people i know to be too long. ( i am really uncomfortable about getting a haircut)
3) i wouldent know how to act on a date, where to go, what to talk about. e.t.c
im 15 btw. |
15? Oh boy, you're going to be posting to this forum for at least the next decade.
Get your hair cut. You may not like someone pulling/tugging at your hair, nor the angling of your head but appearances do matter.
The nervousness will probably never pass. You may learn to accept it. You will learn to hide it. But you'll always have it. Whenever the outcome is uncertain, expect anxiety and a bit of nervousness.
Going out on a date is pretty much the same as going out with your friends, with your parents around. Basically be yourself and mind your manners. |
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dalekaspie
Sea Gull
Joined: Sep 05, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 203
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| Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 12:01 pm Post subject: |
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1) try an block out any thoughts concerneing why you shouldnt ask her out
2) i wish i had long hair  ,never mind teh haircut
3) i has no idea
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