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Silverweed
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Nov 08, 2009
Age: 17
Posts: 40
Location: United States
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 Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 12:07 am Post subject: Socializing |
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Ok... this is probably going to make me sound really whiny but I just feel really sad because it feels like nobody likes me. Nobody ever invites me out anywhere or wants to do anything with me and it's been like this since as long as I can remember.
Oddly enough, whenever I actually go to places meant for socializing (like school dances and such) I feel even worse. I just sit around and no one talks to me and I feel awful. Like I wish I was at home. They always say to strike up conversations with people, but whenever I do I just can't think of anything to say and feel disengaged. It's like this... weird cross between wanting to socialize and not wanting to.
I just... really don't like myself at all. I suspect that the reason why nobody seems to like me is because I simply don't have a likable or attractive personality. I remember in 5th grade, this one guy said to me "you know what? has it occured to you that everyone hates you? seriously, most people think you're really weird". I don't know, ever since he said that I've always felt bad whenever I'm myself. I just feel awful all the time... I don't know what to do. |
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MathGirl
Pragmatist
Joined: Apr 12, 2009
Age: 19
Posts: 1223
Location: Toronto, ON
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| Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 12:26 am Post subject: Re: Socializing |
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| Silverweed wrote: | | I remember in 5th grade, this one guy said to me "you know what? has it occured to you that everyone hates you? seriously, most people think you're really weird". I don't know, ever since he said that I've always felt bad whenever I'm myself. I just feel awful all the time... I don't know what to do. |
Someone said almost the exact same thing to me in middle school! I didn't have any friends. It was bad. I was miserable and suicidal. But it was just a phase. Keep on doing your thing and ignore the idiots. Dances and such are meant for social butterflies. Why don't you just concentrate on something you're good at and make it your goal to get better and better at it? Concentrate on your studies and get good marks. Capitalize on your strong suits, not your weak ones. Practice your social skills in a comfortable environment, not where everyone shuns you. That's not going to help you. Take it easy and in small steps.
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sgrannel
Dr. Strangelove
Joined: Feb 21, 2008
Posts: 1308
Location: The Bland Corporation
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| Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 2:03 am Post subject: |
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I remember imagining what it would be like to have a lot of social activities, but then when I get there, I just want to go home and I didn't know why. I also understand the paradox of wanting something and not wanting it at the same time. I resolved this by realizing that all along I've been trying too hard, with bad results like talking too loud etc. so now I only want minimal contact with people other than family. Less really is more, and quality goes up when quantity goes down. I will never be one of those loud guys who goes to football games and thinks he has some sort of communion with the whole crowd.
I also had a lot of trouble with rejection during my pre high school years. It was really horrible, and even today I wonder if I would have turned out to be a better person if I didn't have this experience.
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BeauZa
Snowy Owl
Joined: Nov 11, 2009
Age: 17
Posts: 130
Location: Australia, NSW
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| Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 12:00 am Post subject: |
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I know just how you feel, in every aspect mentioned.
I know how it feels to want to socialize, yet at the same time it feels like a horrible experience. Sure, I would relish at the opportunity to make some friends or expand on current friendships, but in the end I just want to be at home with my video game consoles; they don't judge me or make bad comments about me and I love them for it. =]
And I'll bet you do have friends! =]
Maybe what you need to do is to surround yourself with those who love and respect you the most. When you are with those people then you will feel your best.
Again, I know exactly how it feels to be in a social limbo. 
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Mysty
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 25, 2008
Posts: 1062
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| Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 8:53 pm Post subject: |
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I've found that some people like me precisely because I'm different. People don't always dislike those who are different.
As for socializing, yeah, I have decent social skills, but, still, just walking up to someone I don't know and starting a conversation, not something I can do unless I have an agenda.
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non-NT with AS traits |
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BeauZa
Snowy Owl
Joined: Nov 11, 2009
Age: 17
Posts: 130
Location: Australia, NSW
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 4:45 am Post subject: |
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Mysty: I know exactly what it feels like in that situation. Do you feel like you have to go about a certain structure of conversation?
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Mysty
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 25, 2008
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 3:46 pm Post subject: |
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I've never looked at conversation as having a structure.
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BeauZa
Snowy Owl
Joined: Nov 11, 2009
Age: 17
Posts: 130
Location: Australia, NSW
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| Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 12:23 am Post subject: |
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So is it more to do with the topics to discuss?
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EngishForAliens
Blue Jay
Joined: Sep 12, 2009
Age: 30
Posts: 93
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland
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| Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 10:04 am Post subject: |
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| Is this not standard when you are an aspie? It's very hard to make friends. |
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BruceCM
Deinonychus
Joined: Nov 09, 2009
Age: 35
Posts: 368
Location: Exeter, England
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| Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 11:22 am Post subject: |
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Yeah, very difficult! 
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Mysty
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 25, 2008
Posts: 1062
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| Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 3:59 pm Post subject: |
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| BeauZa wrote: | | So is it more to do with the topics to discuss? |
Do you mean when I say that with people I don't know, I'm not comfortable just going up and talking to them unless I have an agenda?
Yeah, I mean having a topic to discuss. Or some other reason for approaching them. Like, with a musician, approaching to ask for an autograph, cool. A conversation may or may not follow.
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MattD
Velociraptor
Joined: Dec 03, 2007
Age: 25
Posts: 458
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 9:27 pm Post subject: Re: Socializing |
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I went to an autism and aspie social event at the beach yesterday and i found it hard to socialize, most of the aspies knew each other and were having conversations but i couldn't join in, they did talk to me a bit but most of the time i was just sitting there alone. I didn't try hard enough to make conversations with anyone, i did see another aspie by himself but we didn't talk. Now i'm annoyed at myself, i really want to make some aspie friends. 
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Last edited by MattD on Sun Nov 15, 2009 11:52 pm; edited 4 times in total |
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BeauZa
Snowy Owl
Joined: Nov 11, 2009
Age: 17
Posts: 130
Location: Australia, NSW
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| Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 11:33 pm Post subject: |
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Mysty: sorry if I was a bit difficult to understand with the way I put it. ^^;
Yeah, I get that. I want to have a reliable topic to start a conversation with someone I haven't met or I fear suspicion.
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