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FireBird
I'm confused about being confused
Joined: Feb 13, 2007
Age: 27
Posts: 1811
Location: Cow Town
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 Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 1:08 pm Post subject: |
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| -9 I WAS doing so great last week. I was happy and excited for my site that I am working on and thought it would be huge but reality has set in and I realize its worthless and everyone else does it anyway. Now my mom's car doesn't work right and I predict it will cost $1000 making us broke. On top of that my mom is doing what she does best, be sick like always. Just remember when she's sick she comes close to death even with a cold. The thought insertion is also back and it started a few days ago before I got really depressed. The severe depression and anxiety/ stress makes it 295809285932 times worse. |
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jawbrodt
Only Truth
Joined: Jan 27, 2008
Age: 35
Posts: 10580
Location: Eastern USA
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| Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 4:09 am Post subject: |
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^I'm sorry to hear that. 
A friend of mine killed a deer, so he brought me over some venison, which was an excellent surprise. God, i love that stuff. *drools* I haven't hunted in a couple years, so i was really craving some, and haven't had any in a long time. Now I'm a happy camper. 
Today was a good day, all around, so i give it a +7.624.
_________________
Those who speak, don't know.
Those who know, don't speak. |
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CockneyRebel
Mick Avory, ISFJ Sweet Pea
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 35
Posts: 31539
Location: Somewhere between 1964 and 1984, on any given day.
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| Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 6:04 am Post subject: |
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+5
I wish that mainstream society would let me be. I will let myself be, in spite of mainstream society, but mostly because I want to let myself be.
_________________
"The darling, unworldly Mick Avory with hands like shovels, who wouldn't dare choose to hurt a soul"
-Ray Davies 1964
<---This is how I actually look, like Mick |
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LiendaBalla
Self-editing princess :P
Joined: Oct 24, 2007
Age: 31
Posts: 1509
Location: Houston Texas United States
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| Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 10:24 pm Post subject: |
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+2
I want to be trollish lately, but moral just keeps butting in. Curse it all.. |
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zen_mistress
im not sure what to write here.
Joined: Jun 12, 2007
Age: 32
Posts: 2402
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 12:40 am Post subject: |
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Hope everyone is doing well. It seems that most are...
Probably a 3. Again. Not really sure what to write about though. Hopefully it will be sunny this weekend. 
_________________
"Caravan is the name of my history, and my life an extraordinary adventure."
~ Amin Maalouf
Site for H: http://www.hyperacusis.net |
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DarrylZero
Detective
Joined: Jun 05, 2009
Posts: 1985
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 2:40 am Post subject: |
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-8. *insert random profanity*
_________________
How long 'til my soul gets it right? |
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Plunk
Butterfly
![]()
Joined: Apr 24, 2008
Posts: 13
Location: France
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LiendaBalla
Self-editing princess :P
Joined: Oct 24, 2007
Age: 31
Posts: 1509
Location: Houston Texas United States
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 9:47 am Post subject: |
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0 
Don't you love it when people ignore you to death or treat you like you don't exist? It's called shunning, and honestly it makes me angry. I'm not an attention slut, after all! If said person were treated like wise, they would.... let's just say they would cry about it forever and ever, if they cared like I did. |
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ProfessorX
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 09, 2007
Posts: 3555
Location: In a serene location
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| Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 12:30 pm Post subject: |
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5.. I suppose my only hindrance at this moment is being able to socialise with members of the opposite sex  As well, trying to simply relax and not let any past demons bother me when it comes to conversation whether it's online or offline..
_________________
Well. Isn't this civilized?
Something of a hunger strike--http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JO98NMMgp0Y |
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jawbrodt
Only Truth
Joined: Jan 27, 2008
Age: 35
Posts: 10580
Location: Eastern USA
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 1:16 am Post subject: |
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Well, "crap" pretty much explains my day. I'm having a drink and listening to some tunes, so that's all i have to say about it, right now.
+1.6
_________________
Those who speak, don't know.
Those who know, don't speak. |
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i_wanna_blue
otherworld
Joined: Aug 10, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 6096
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 9:57 am Post subject: |
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| 0. Not too bad I guess. |
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LiendaBalla
Self-editing princess :P
Joined: Oct 24, 2007
Age: 31
Posts: 1509
Location: Houston Texas United States
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 12:11 pm Post subject: |
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0
  =.=;  One of my father's Cutsomers leasurely took a DUMP in the middle of the drive way, in front of him and my sister!!
Like.. WTF!! |
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Aimless
O Fleshy And Ambitionless
Joined: Apr 02, 2009
Posts: 3449
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 12:33 pm Post subject: |
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| LiendaBalla wrote: | 0
=.=; One of my father's Cutsomers leasurely took a DUMP in the middle of the drive way, in front of him and my sister!!
Like.. WTF!! |
OMG-That's one p.o.ed customer-totally inappropriate of course. He could always call the Better Business Bureau if he had a problem. |
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Who_Am_I
music_machine
Joined: Aug 28, 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 5261
Location: My body is in Brisbane and my mind is in the gutter. :D
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 12:55 pm Post subject: |
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Negative, negative, negative, negative and negative.
My father just shouted at my brother to get up tomorrow and start looking for a job (my brother has been looking for a job since the day after he lost his last one), and about how he had had to get up to let the dog out because my brother was making noises (he hadn't spoken for hours), and about how my brother "stayed in bed all day" (he has a late sleep cycle, but he gets around 7-8hrs of sleep per night, which is less than what my father gets) ]and as he left the room, he noticed my light on (because I'd been so tired that I fell asleep without turning it off, which happens often), and commented
"Another one who lays in bed all f***ing day."
Apart from the hypocrisy, it's not true. I spend more time at work than my father does, and outside of work, I do things that exercise my brain, and I get out of the house and go for walks. My father... sleeps, goes on the computer, and tries to make his children miserable.
I exhaust myself with work and dealing with people. On weekends, I spend a lot of time in bed, because I am doing everything that I can to prevent myself from collapsing completely and irrecoverably. It's not laziness; it's a matter of survival. If people can't tell the difference between exhaustion and laziness, how am I ever going to get help for whatever is wrong with my brain (and if dealing with people in a job strictly related to one's interests for less than 15 hrs/week, with virtually no in-person social contact, is draining to the point of collapse, and this is the least part of the problem, there's something seriously wrong)? I'm tired of being told that I'm very smart and that I just need to try harder. I don't know why people presume laziness rather than an actual problem that has spared my cognitive capacity, but that hits quite hard in other areas.
I can't help feeling like every week's always going to be like this- work, work, work, work, without ever getting enough money to move away from my father to somewhere where I can just be left alone without having to deal with hyprocrisy, verbal abuse and someone who resents my existence; and spending the weekends recovering so that by Monday I'm able to go back to more fruitless work, work, work, work and work.
If I wasn't able to keep in mind that I'm actively working toward changing things, and if I wasn't planning to dance on my father's grave, and if I wasn't too bloodyminded to give up, and if I didn't have the handful of absolutely perfect friends that I do, I'd wonder why I bothered to keep living. It's almost 4am, and I should be asleep, but I decided to come here and rant to distract myself from thoughts of hurting myself. It seems to have worked- I feel slightly better than I did when I first started typing.
_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I !!!!
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I |
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Aimless
O Fleshy And Ambitionless
Joined: Apr 02, 2009
Posts: 3449
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 1:12 pm Post subject: |
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| Who_Am_I wrote: | Negative, negative, negative, negative and negative.
My father just shouted at my brother to get up tomorrow and start looking for a job (my brother has been looking for a job since the day after he lost his last one), and about how he had had to get up to let the dog out because my brother was making noises (he hadn't spoken for hours), and about how my brother "stayed in bed all day" (he has a late sleep cycle, but he gets around 7-8hrs of sleep per night, which is less than what my father gets) ]and as he left the room, he noticed my light on (because I'd been so tired that I fell asleep without turning it off, which happens often), and commented
"Another one who lays in bed all f***ing day."
Apart from the hypocrisy, it's not true. I spend more time at work than my father does, and outside of work, I do things that exercise my brain, and I get out of the house and go for walks. My father... sleeps, goes on the computer, and tries to make his children miserable.
I exhaust myself with work and dealing with people. On weekends, I spend a lot of time in bed, because I am doing everything that I can to prevent myself from collapsing completely and irrecoverably. It's not laziness; it's a matter of survival. If people can't tell the difference between exhaustion and laziness, how am I ever going to get help for whatever is wrong with my brain (and if dealing with people in a job strictly related to one's interests for less than 15 hrs/week, with virtually no in-person social contact, is draining to the point of collapse, and this is the least part of the problem, there's something seriously wrong)? I'm tired of being told that I'm very smart and that I just need to try harder. I don't know why people presume laziness rather than an actual problem that has spared my cognitive capacity, but that hits quite hard in other areas.
I can't help feeling like every week's always going to be like this- work, work, work, work, without ever getting enough money to move away from my father to somewhere where I can just be left alone without having to deal with hyprocrisy, verbal abuse and someone who resents my existence; and spending the weekends recovering so that by Monday I'm able to go back to more fruitless work, work, work, work and work.
If I wasn't able to keep in mind that I'm actively working toward changing things, and if I wasn't planning to dance on my father's grave, and if I wasn't too bloodyminded to give up, and if I didn't have the handful of absolutely perfect friends that I do, I'd wonder why I bothered to keep living. It's almost 4am, and I should be asleep, but I decided to come here and rant to distract myself from thoughts of hurting myself. It seems to have worked- I feel slightly better than I did when I first started typing. |
I hear you. I'm particularly sensitive to the assumption people make that you're just lazy or don't want something bad enough. Executive dysfunction is a real handicap and has defined my life. |
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