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Mapler
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Oct 14, 2008
Age: 16
Posts: 175
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 Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 12:33 am Post subject: How do you tell if someone is your friend? |
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| So lately I've been practicing social skills and I'm somewhat successful. How do I tell if someone wants to be your friend? In real life it isn't quite as simple as in games where you ask, "Hey, wanna add me to your friends list?" I find it awkward to ask, "Do you consider me a friend?" I had just started to interact successfully with a certain three peers that were merely my classmates before. |
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Eggman
das Freak'n Techno Viking!
Joined: Jul 18, 2008
Posts: 4237
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| Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 2:08 am Post subject: |
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will the person suck out the posion from a snake bite on your rear?
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Pwning the threads with my mad 1337 skillz. |
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Woodpecker
I am not a jigsaw ! I am a free man !
Joined: Oct 19, 2008
Age: 36
Posts: 1515
Location: Europe
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| Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 2:35 am Post subject: |
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Look at
http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/~alistair/survival/index.html
in the section "Finding the right friends"
He provides a table explaining the differences between true friends, false friends and enemies.
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Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity  I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man ! |
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Who_Am_I
music_machine
Joined: Aug 28, 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 5251
Location: My body is in Brisbane and my mind is in the gutter. :D
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| Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 6:14 am Post subject: |
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Another good article: http://www.wikihow.com/Identify-a-False-Friend
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Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
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Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I |
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Mysty
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 25, 2008
Posts: 1062
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| Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 1:09 pm Post subject: |
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It's not a black and and white either you're friend or you're not thing. There are types and degrees of friendship. It's more how much and what kind of friend someone is.
I think, as I understand it, with NTs, it's not so much a wanting to be friends. It's more, seeing a person as a friend, and then taking another step in friendship. Like people may be work-friends, and then they decide to get together for something outside of work.
I think my usual method, well, how they act. If they act like a friend, they are a friend, at whatever level they show friendship. Works reasonably well for the most part. I think sometimes I miss things, but I have enough friends for my tastes. Didn't work so well with one aspie-ish musician I know. Uneven relationship, plus aspie traits, equals too much acceptance of uneven friendship for me to figure out where I stood with him. Until I finally figured out he's okay with unevenness and lack of reciprocity is not rejection, with him.
I guess my expectation of reciprocity is an NT trait, so maybe that's easier for me than it would be for others here, but, still, it's pretty open to conscious observation, seems to me, not something that needs to be done intuitively.
I think maybe the trick is, take little steps to see what the boundaries of the friendship are.
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non-NT with AS traits |
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BruceCM
Deinonychus
Joined: Nov 09, 2009
Age: 35
Posts: 368
Location: Exeter, England
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 5:24 am Post subject: |
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According to the Survival guide, I can't be a 'true' friend to others & don't know anybody who does almost any of it, regularly. For instance, one 'friend' I'd not heard from for a long time recently contacted me. After a little catching up, it turns out he's doing a maths course & wants my help with it. According to the article, I should be suspicious of that timing? 
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PaganMom
Sea Gull
Joined: Nov 05, 2009
Posts: 218
Location: Middle Of Nowhere, BFE, The Deep South
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 12:03 pm Post subject: |
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I would consider somebody a friend if I went places with them and had them over to my house and talked on the phone to them. But see, I don't want to do any of that stuff. It gets on my nerves. If I could limit it all to maybe ten minutes at a time then I'd want a ton of friends. However people want to stay and stay and talk and talk and all that. I did enjoy hanging out constantly with my one friend who is dead now, but she and I were freinds since sixth grade and we could do that thing where it's comfortable to just not say anything for hours. I'd go to her house and she would sit in the livingroom and watch tv and sometimes I'd go to her room and read or listen to the stereo. We didn't have to be together and interacting constantly, which people seem to want to do.
A real friend will help you get rid of the body. 
PaganMom |
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protest_the_hero
He alone, who owns the youth, gains the future.
Joined: Nov 15, 2008
Age: 171
Posts: 1053
Location: Ottawa, Ont.
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 12:05 pm Post subject: |
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NTs backstab each other all the time. No one can always tell who's a true friend and who isn't. If the question is simply "Would this person want to hang out with me?", only time will tell.
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zombiecide
Snowy Owl
Joined: Sep 17, 2009
Age: 26
Posts: 134
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 5:51 pm Post subject: |
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| BruceCM wrote: | | According to the Survival guide, I can't be a 'true' friend to others & don't know anybody who does almost any of it, regularly. For instance, one 'friend' I'd not heard from for a long time recently contacted me. After a little catching up, it turns out he's doing a maths course & wants my help with it. According to the article, I should be suspicious of that timing? |
Depends ... it could also mean that that person respects you a lot for your skills and the knowledge that they need help gave the impulse to actually talk to you again, because it is really awkward for most people to make contact to people they haven't talked to for a long time. I personally don't mind helping out a bit, even if the other person vanishes again because though it wasn't for friendship, it still means it's the other person's turn to do a favour for me. |
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Maggiedoll
Loon
Joined: Jun 05, 2009
Age: 25
Posts: 2125
Location: Maryland
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 8:13 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with eggman and mysty..
Edit: I kinda disagree with #5 on that "how to identify a fake friend" list.. lots of times I seem to ignore things 'cause I don't know how to respond or something like that.. I don't think it means anything other than that I don't know how to respond to something.
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I don't understand this place anymore. |
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BruceCM
Deinonychus
Joined: Nov 09, 2009
Age: 35
Posts: 368
Location: Exeter, England
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| Posted: Mon Nov 23, 2009 4:41 am Post subject: |
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I still can't do the things Marc says a 'true' friend does &, thus, can't apply those criteria to others! 
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The answer to the question "what is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything" is - what is the question!? |
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Oisin
Snowy Owl
Joined: Nov 24, 2009
Posts: 162
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| Posted: Tue Nov 24, 2009 3:24 pm Post subject: |
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| Friendship seems to be something invisible, you can't touch it either. It's not clear to me what the difference is between a friend and a collegue with whom go out with. Well I am only going out with my collegua's because I think I should. It's called socialising, but with me it's more wall flowering. I look and I listen or else I dream. |
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BruceCM
Deinonychus
Joined: Nov 09, 2009
Age: 35
Posts: 368
Location: Exeter, England
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| Posted: Tue Nov 24, 2009 6:03 pm Post subject: |
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Potentially, a colleague could also be a friend; the two categories aren't mutually exclusive! Somebody else can explain these things to you &, maybe, answer my question, please!?
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The answer to the question "what is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything" is - what is the question!? |
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imunderoathnow
Emu Egg
Joined: Nov 14, 2009
Age: 20
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 3:17 am Post subject: |
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| I have issues with figuring this out too. I feel like I consider some people friends, but they only consider me an acquaintance, so they don't ask me to hang out or anything. |
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ElysianDream
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Nov 28, 2009
Posts: 62
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| Posted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 5:42 am Post subject: |
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I have a lot of aquaitances I consider 'casual friends' - usually classmates who I still see now and again, maybe once in a few months, and a few 'serious' friends or close friends that I hang out with.
I think with that comes a sense of loyalty and connection, that you'll stick up for each other and won't abandon the other person when it's convenient for you. For me that is the most important mark of a 'true' friendship. I find like any relationship it also comes with trust, and if that trust is repeatedly broken than perhaps you're not real friends. |
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