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Laney2005
Snowy Owl
Joined: Oct 28, 2009
Age: 27
Posts: 143
Location: Missouri
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 Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 9:02 pm Post subject: |
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My biggest barrier is probably that I do not respond to emotions the way that most other people do. I do not have a handle on my emotions, even though I am a very reasonable and objective person, because I do not know what they are most of the time. This results in kicking holes in walls and doors when plans that were set, change. It results in trying very hard to articulate if something is wrong, but not always being able to get the words out right. It results in miscommunication, not from lack of trying, but from lack of ability sometimes. And when I start stuttering or stop talking, the guy I am with (or at least the last guy I was with) just figures that it's not important.
Another problem is that I am very strange about touching. I dated a guy on the internet once and when he came to visit me, he tried to be very intimate with me in a physical way almost immediately (as in I asked him where his pants went and if he could please put them back on... let's at least hug and kiss first, pal). We had a good relationship in the mental and even emotional departments (I am a better writer than speaker most of the time), but I had never touched him before. He didn't understand that I had to take that part slow because I have problems with touch. Yet the people I want to touch me-- I actually crave that touch. Even if it's just a friend I can hug.
I guess the last barrier is sort of what other people have been saying-- I am me. Yes, I am different. I am odd and can come across "the wrong way" (whatever that way is). I am guilty of being more interested in things than people sometimes (spinning things, ticking things, shiny things, water flowing or waves lapping at the shore) and that can make me seem uninterested. I do not dress in a provocative fashion and I am not the kind of woman that a guy looks at and thinks "I want to date her!". I am the kind of woman that guys look at and either try to rape (because I've naive... this has been attempted) or just want to be friends with. I don't know why.
The one thing I don't struggle with too much is the overlapping interests thing. My biggest obsession is knowledge as a whole. I want to know everything about everything, therefore I am interested in just about anything. I do have my "pet" interests, however and there are some things I am just not interested in.
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superboyian
Dynasty Warriors Kid!!
Joined: Sep 10, 2009
Age: 18
Posts: 9080
Location: London
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| Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 9:20 pm Post subject: |
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My biggest barrier i would say is the fact on my first relationship with that girl, i'd be so shy and then feeling like I didn't deserve her.
I also kinda rush into things alot of things. I get awkard talking to people in public places and it would seem so weird to the girl.
But at this moment, I don't seem to have any barriers as I have somebody who lasted for a long time (although its like on and off).
The only thing that also is like putting a barrier is the fact for some reason i can't seem to explain my point of view and have my own opinon.
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PlatedDrake
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 26, 2009
Age: 29
Posts: 801
Location: Piedmont Region, NC, USA
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 12:11 am Post subject: |
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| Tim_Tex wrote: | I think it's not feeling like I am good enough for anybody.
Then it's finding someone compatible.
After that, it would be discussing intimacy--hard to do when one lives in the Bible Belt. It's like you have to be open and discreet at the same time. |
Well, just keep in mind that a lot of the stories in there are metaphorical rather than actual. Not to do any bashing, but just going by Adam and Eve alone would mean we're the product of incest  . Well, something that has worked for my parents is a, "What we do is our business." If you love your partner, what you do and how you go about it is your business. Balanced moderation . . . but i will warn you. Based on personal experience (ie knew a guy that did this), if you bring up your own story of how you embraced your religion, you will kill the relationship (or if in public, the conversation and likely your friends respect for you). Again, not intended to bash, just state facts of reality.
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"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
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PlatedDrake
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 26, 2009
Age: 29
Posts: 801
Location: Piedmont Region, NC, USA
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 12:19 am Post subject: |
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My barrier . . . i guess its the unexpected, but in the sense that i feel programmed for wanting someone in my life, but i dont know if id be able to handle the random bullsh17 that seems to follow (drama, or some situation that i cannot understand even though this person seems to think it important). Thats the top of the list, if i ever get past it, i would be the intimacy (sensory issue and lack of empathy to suit "physical" needs), or if she (im hetero) cannot seem to understand my intellectual needs (or vise versa if such happens). There are likely more, but lack of experience in the matter makes that the end of my list.
_________________
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
-Albert Einstein |
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musicislife
Velociraptor
Joined: Oct 09, 2008
Posts: 401
Location: whatever town, usa
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 7:35 pm Post subject: |
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paranoia: i've been used by people i considered my friends more times than i would care to count and i would do anything to avoid that pain again.
and let's not forget the all-too-important major lack of self-esteem; to my own eyes, i'm not worth anything anyone gives me. working on breaking that one down with the help of a few loyal friends and my boyfriend, but hey, rome wasn't built in a day (standard english: it ain't going well  ).
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Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth. -Mark Twain
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Bataar
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 19, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 892
Location: Seattle, WA
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 8:16 pm Post subject: |
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| The fact that I don't have a viable way to meet women. |
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amazon_television
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 18, 2009
Age: 27
Posts: 829
Location: the iso-alpha acid experience
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 8:39 pm Post subject: |
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My biggest barrier is simply being able to "pull the trigger" and get myself into relationships. It is literally impossible for me to determine whether someone is interested in me, and I err on the side of caution because I don't want to cause weirdness and screw up a friendship over something like this.
Every relationship I've ever had has begun with her coming on to me, and with maybe one exception I have been completely shocked every time when realizing these people were into me. |
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biostructure
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 18, 2006
Age: 24
Posts: 564
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| Posted: Tue Nov 24, 2009 1:03 am Post subject: |
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Aside from my general social difficulties and the difficulty of meeting people, I think my main barrier is wanting to experience a relationship (or more, a sexual partnership of some kind) while being quite fuzzy about what that entails and very reluctant to commit anything to something I really don't understand.
I'm in a PhD program and about to start research. Now my research will be somewhat along the area of my greatest interests, but like nearly all scientific research, the day in and day out stuff will be very mundane. So, I'll have the time it takes to do my work, the time to think and daydream about scientific things in a manner unconstrained by my work, in order to stay sane and not get totally depressed, and then whatever time is left to eat, sleep, socialize, and whatever. And seeing as research is bound to get frustrating sometimes, and boring much of the time, I won't be in the mood to tend to a relationship that itself is lots of work. And even if I had the time and energy, I wouldn't see the point.
Yet, women at my age seem they want proof that you know how to have a relationship before they will even really start down the road from a friendship or acquaintanceship to a relationship or even just sex, which creates a problem. |
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nansnick
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 21, 2009
Posts: 418
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| Posted: Tue Nov 24, 2009 10:03 am Post subject: |
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 Ye old Groucho Marx anachronism. Becoming suspicious of any club that might have you as a member.
Liking someone then learning they like you and then the mass suspicion kicks in. Wait, they like me? Why? 
Honestly though, the realm of getting to know people in all areas of social interaction, friends and family as well as anything more comes down to two main points for me:
1. Being able to read other people correctly.
2. Being reciprocal.
If I can’t trust my own senses and intuition how can I trust a relationship. How do I know if they are sincere in what they say, or am I taking something out of context and missing a non-verbal or non-literal cue? How much of our relationship is being shared by both of us? Am I really getting whats going on or am I clueless and completely in the dark.
If I care for the other person and get a lot out of being their friend/family/gf it rarely feels as if I could give as much care (or whatever they need) back to them. Sometimes it feels as if people are there for me I just have a difficulty being there for other people. And this doesn't seem fair to the other party involved. I often push people away when it comes to this point, it feels like it would be safer for both of us.
Or, I'll just go on my merry way following whatever interest that comes up and completely miss important moments to be there for my people. Then we loose touch or go our separate ways and it's back to being friendless or single again.
My family gives me a lot of flack for not being familiar. Hanging out with them, attending cousins sports games, shooting the breeze. They mean the world to me but given our differences I don't know how to show them or get them to understand that I love them from afar.
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'I used to want to change the world. Now I just want to leave the room with a little dignity' |
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octo_pie
Emu Egg
Joined: Dec 02, 2009
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 12:02 am Post subject: |
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I'm the NT and my s/o is the AS.
My main problem? trying to explain what having a crush and love is. I'm quite an emotional-touchy feely person, and he's still getting used to being touched. (he hated being touched by anyone at all at the beginning of this year)
and we just started dating, so i see fun times ahead~ |
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ImNotOk
Sea Gull
Joined: Nov 12, 2009
Age: 30
Posts: 227
Location: Texas, for now
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| Posted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 3:46 pm Post subject: |
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| I would say my biggest barrier is my double standard when it comes to affection. I want to be intimate and want attention, but my need to be alone tends to overshadow my want for attention. I guess what I am trying to say is I sort of expect people to want affection at the same as as I do and then want to be left alone at the same time as I do. Its not that I am selfish and expect things to be my way its that I find it hard to turn on my affection switch when I am not feeling it myself, then I just become awkward and almost rehersed (which is something I dont want to be). It would be a dream come true to find someone who wanted affection and solitude. Obviously with long and progressed relationships where people live together the problem is how do you spend time apart when you live together? I have thought seperate rooms in the house, but what husband would actually go for something like that? Its not many I am sure. |
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techstepgenr8tion
that chatty American
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Age: 30
Posts: 7830
Location: The fine world of insomnia and coffee
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| Posted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 5:42 pm Post subject: |
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| ImNotOk wrote: | | I would say my biggest barrier is my double standard when it comes to affection. I want to be intimate and want attention, but my need to be alone tends to overshadow my want for attention. I guess what I am trying to say is I sort of expect people to want affection at the same as as I do and then want to be left alone at the same time as I do. Its not that I am selfish and expect things to be my way its that I find it hard to turn on my affection switch when I am not feeling it myself, then I just become awkward and almost rehersed (which is something I dont want to be). It would be a dream come true to find someone who wanted affection and solitude. Obviously with long and progressed relationships where people live together the problem is how do you spend time apart when you live together? I have thought seperate rooms in the house, but what husband would actually go for something like that? Its not many I am sure. |
Sounds like you'd need to either find an aspie guy or just a very independent self-sufficient NT who couldn't be happier with being able to follow his interests and not have the relationship steal his life away. When you think about that though that's quite a plus for some people. |
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Vyn
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 19, 2009
Age: 22
Posts: 835
Location: The fires of the mind
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| Posted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 5:57 pm Post subject: |
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| techstepgenr8tion wrote: | | ImNotOk wrote: | | I would say my biggest barrier is my double standard when it comes to affection. I want to be intimate and want attention, but my need to be alone tends to overshadow my want for attention. I guess what I am trying to say is I sort of expect people to want affection at the same as as I do and then want to be left alone at the same time as I do. Its not that I am selfish and expect things to be my way its that I find it hard to turn on my affection switch when I am not feeling it myself, then I just become awkward and almost rehersed (which is something I dont want to be). It would be a dream come true to find someone who wanted affection and solitude. Obviously with long and progressed relationships where people live together the problem is how do you spend time apart when you live together? I have thought seperate rooms in the house, but what husband would actually go for something like that? Its not many I am sure. |
Sounds like you'd need to either find an aspie guy or just a very independent self-sufficient NT who couldn't be happier with being able to follow his interests and not have the relationship steal his life away. When you think about that though that's quite a plus for some people. |
Agree with that. Similar myself too. However, I think my biggest barrier is A) finding compatibility, which is difficult as they are rather uncommon, and B) finding people in general that are close enough to where something could actually happen.
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I am Jon Stewart with some Colbert cynicism, Thomas Edison's curiousity, wrapped around a hardcore gamer sprinkled very liberally with Deadpool, and finished off with an almost Poison Ivy-esque love/hate relationship with humanity flourish. |
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caissa
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Nov 07, 2009
Posts: 35
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| Posted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 6:00 pm Post subject: |
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| I always say the wrong thing-- give me 5 minutes with a person and I will say exactly the worst thing possible to say-- and I don't realize it until a long time after. |
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wormsto
Blue Jay
Joined: Sep 08, 2009
Posts: 98
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| Posted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 6:09 pm Post subject: |
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i would have to say its my fear of going into crowded places.
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