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Peko
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 13, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 706
Location: Eastern PA, USA
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 Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 11:58 pm Post subject: Sure Something is WRONG |
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I've had problems w/ people complimenting me my entire life. I've been getting comments that I am adorable/ really cute A LOT my entire life from most people I know (friends of both genders & family), occasionally pretty/beautiful (from female friends & relatives) & on very rare occasions...sexy  . What the heck, I'm freak'in weird, don't like either gender, have an undefinable age (usually mistaken for 14 or 15-17, but a girl I know thinks I'm at least 19 (I will be in a few weeks) b/c I'm taller than her & supposedly don't act like most stupid college freshman (reasoning )). But the thing is I cannot figure out why I get these comments about the way I look (not to mention my clothes... )? (really think that, being...(insert appropriate curse here), or just being overly nice morons ). Reason I probably sound like (I don't know what) is b/c for some reason ever since I was little I have wanted to hurt anyone who compliments me (like hit them & crap to get them to shut up & never say it again). Wondering what the heck is going on w/ them & why the heck have I always felt this way?
p.s. Only thing I've noticed is these comments get me attention (which I HATE  ) & keep thinking pissing them off by coming off as a (insert curse here) they'll leave me alone. I'd rather be hated than risk the chaos that comes w/ me getting fairly close to people...
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Balance is needed within the universe, can be demonstrated in most/all concepts/things. Black/White, Good/Evil, etc.
All dependent upon your own perspective in your own form of existence, so trust your own gut and live the way YOU want/need to. |
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Peko
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 13, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 706
Location: Eastern PA, USA
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 12:02 am Post subject: |
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Would a pic help w/ this b/c I have NO IDEA what people I know are seeing?!  (This is getting ridiculously frustrating)...
_________________
Balance is needed within the universe, can be demonstrated in most/all concepts/things. Black/White, Good/Evil, etc.
All dependent upon your own perspective in your own form of existence, so trust your own gut and live the way YOU want/need to. |
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MathGirl
Pragmatist
Joined: Apr 12, 2009
Age: 19
Posts: 1234
Location: Toronto, ON
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 12:10 am Post subject: |
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It's not wrong.
I've always hated getting compliments because there's too much emotion that they carry. It's overwhelming. People complimenting me puts me into a bad situation because I don't know how to respond appropriately. The only way I've learned to respond is by saying "thank you". I can feel that people can put a lot of emotional effort into their compliments, and I feel like I need to pay them back, but I'm not capable of expressing my emotions in the same way, so all it does is making me feel extremely uncomfortable! I guess, the best way to get rid of this discomfort is to know how to respond to them in a generic way but in a way that would make the other person feel like their effort was not wasted.
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"Don't let schooling interfere with your education." - Mark Twain
I have 1234 posts. A very neat number. I don't feel like messing it up. My excuse to take a break from the forums. |
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Aimless
O Fleshy And Ambitionless
Joined: Apr 02, 2009
Posts: 3438
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 8:32 am Post subject: |
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Thanks is best but it doesn't always work. Once a guy in a bar told me I was really beautiful (long ago  ). I said thanks. He said, no I mean it you are really beautiful. I said thanks again. This went on for several exchanges and then he got this really mean expression on his face and said No, you are ugly as sh!t. I said OK. I think he was expecting something in return.  |
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TB
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Oct 06, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 184
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 8:44 am Post subject: |
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the only people i can take compliments from without getting annoyed or frustrated are the ones i really like and trust.
how well do you know these people when you dont like getting compliments ?, or it might have something to do with the way you see yourself, if you dont think you deserve these compliments the people giving them might seem insincere to you. |
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willa
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 16, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 885
Location: between bannings.
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 10:17 am Post subject: |
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| Aimless wrote: | | Thanks is best but it doesn't always work. Once a guy in a bar told me I was really beautiful (long ago ). I said thanks. He said, no I mean it you are really beautiful. I said thanks again. This went on for several exchanges and then he got this really mean expression on his face and said No, you are ugly as sh!t. I said OK. I think he was expecting something in return. |
hah.
To the OP, you do just gotta start to live with it. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable as well, i hate it. Partially relating to Aimless because I can never figure out if someone is just being friendly or being flirty (like just a few days ago I was getting my hair cut, and she says to me "wow, you've got really pretty curls", just horribly awkward, guys shouldnt have pretty curls =P that's why i was getting my hair cut, cause it got long enough that it started to curl).
But, you just gotta turn away and say thanks. (being sure to absolutely avoid eye contact to ensure you are not playing along if it is flirting =P).
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“It's a sad thing not to have friends, but it is even sadder not to have enemies.” - El Che |
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protest_the_hero
He alone, who owns the youth, gains the future.
Joined: Nov 15, 2008
Age: 171
Posts: 1053
Location: Ottawa, Ont.
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 11:59 am Post subject: |
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When I get a compliment that just doesn't seem true, I get thoughts like "They want something from me." or "They somehow pity me for some reason. (followed by negative thoughts about why they're the loser and not me)" or "Was that sarcasm? Was it!? Are they making fun of me!? What makes that retard think they're so great!?".
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Guitar obsessed since 2008:p |
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Giselle62
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 12, 2007
Posts: 10
Location: Kalifornia
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 1:18 pm Post subject: |
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| I usually compliment something unusual back about them but it has to be genuinely something I like. I can't lie, of course. Usually someone has something attractive about them or is wearing something bright. "Thank you" if I don't see anything right away to compliment. |
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Peko
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 13, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 706
Location: Eastern PA, USA
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| Posted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 3:44 pm Post subject: |
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| TB wrote: | the only people i can take compliments from without getting annoyed or frustrated are the ones i really like and trust.
how well do you know these people when you dont like getting compliments ?, or it might have something to do with the way you see yourself, if you dont think you deserve these compliments the people giving them might seem insincere to you. |
Recently its been people I just met this semester. But I usually get this stuff from family too (who I cannot relate 2 whatsoever) . I will admit I don't like the way I look, but I've been hoping that b/c I perceive myself as ugly, it would rub that idea/perception of ugliness off onto others... adorable, cute & comments about my "nice/pretty" hair & clothes are NOT what I am going for...
_________________
Balance is needed within the universe, can be demonstrated in most/all concepts/things. Black/White, Good/Evil, etc.
All dependent upon your own perspective in your own form of existence, so trust your own gut and live the way YOU want/need to. |
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elderwanda
Lemon Zing
Joined: Nov 18, 2008
Age: 42
Posts: 1417
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
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Peko
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 13, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 706
Location: Eastern PA, USA
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| Posted: Sat Nov 28, 2009 5:44 pm Post subject: |
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No, I definitely do not look like that kitten  . But awww
Best way I'd describe myself is plain, thin body & small oval face w/ long dirty blonde hair & hazel eyes (nothing special, but not ugly enough that I'd get comments/taunts about it). So I can't tell if its my mannerisms & looks or just mannerisms that keep guys from being interested in me? (Which is a good thing by the way...)
_________________
Balance is needed within the universe, can be demonstrated in most/all concepts/things. Black/White, Good/Evil, etc.
All dependent upon your own perspective in your own form of existence, so trust your own gut and live the way YOU want/need to. |
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Teung
Hummingbird
Joined: Aug 21, 2009
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Sun Nov 29, 2009 2:49 pm Post subject: |
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| Peko wrote: |
No, I definitely do not look like that kitten . But awww
Best way I'd describe myself is plain, thin body & small oval face w/ long dirty blonde hair & hazel eyes (nothing special, but not ugly enough that I'd get comments/taunts about it). So I can't tell if its my mannerisms & looks or just mannerisms that keep guys from being interested in me? (Which is a good thing by the way...) |
Guys find shy girls cute, so I guess that's why they might be calling you that. |
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ElysianDream
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Nov 28, 2009
Posts: 62
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| Posted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 6:28 am Post subject: |
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| Can we see a pic? |
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Lepus
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Nov 05, 2009
Posts: 62
Location: England
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| Posted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 8:41 am Post subject: |
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I used to hate getting compliments about how I looked or dressed. I didn't know how to react and that was what really made me uneasy about it. So I solved the problem the same way I solve most problems like that in my life. I read a book that included the subject and developed a strategy.
My strategy was to learn a standard reply (I like standard replies - they stop me getting tongue-tied and looking like an idiot) which was to say "thank you" and smile.
It didn't change the comments I got, but it helped me deal with them better and stopped me feeling unhappy about getting them.
I also learned from the book that people make compliments as a nice thing to say, especially to someone they don't know well and that they may seem superficial. People who know you better are more likely to give compliments in better ways that aren't so superficial, i.e. ones based on you and not how you appear. |
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