Tim_Tex
Professor Hineybottom
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 41865
Location: Houston, Texas
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 Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 5:14 pm Post subject: I am becoming very discouraged. |
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I am becoming very discouraged when it comes to finding a girlfriend. I have limited my girlfriend search to other Aspies. Yet there are virtually none in the Houston area, and many Aspie women are not willing to do long-distance relationships.
This is affecting where I choose to go to school. I was accepted to the University of Hawaii's geology program--one of the best in the world--but turned it down because I figured that there were no Aspie women there (also the high costs of living played a factor). I am planning my education around whether or not there are Aspie women in a certain area.
I am becoming desparate.
Tim |
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MagicMike
Phoenix
Joined: May 30, 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 559
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| Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 5:29 pm Post subject: |
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| You're being too picky first of all. Assuming it's not underdiagnosis and INDEED there there's a 4/1 ratio of males to females with Aspergers, you're in for a LOT of competition; this said, try dating an NT if you can find one you get along with...I'm not telling you to find Miss Cheerleader USA, but limiting yourself to a specific type of person is bogus. |
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Tim_Tex
Professor Hineybottom
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 41865
Location: Houston, Texas
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| Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 6:10 pm Post subject: |
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And even worse than not finding anyone with AS is that I am allowing myself to be cheated out of things I want to do and places I want to see and live because of it.
Tim |
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mysteriouslyabsent
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jun 19, 2006
Posts: 169
Location: YouKay
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| Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 6:28 pm Post subject: |
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Just import some chinese or russian mail order bride, sure she wont have AS but she probably speak english so it's basically the same thing 
Actually now that I think of it a lot of the girls I have dated and got along with best have been asians who were relatively recent immigrants or foreign students, maybe there is some cultural aspect to it, perhaps the chinese or japanese cultures are more accepting of AS people? |
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Tim_Tex
Professor Hineybottom
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 41865
Location: Houston, Texas
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| Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 6:37 pm Post subject: |
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Are mail-order brides even legal? So you're saying I should look for an Asian NT?
What person do you think would be good for me?
I just thought I would ask other people's opinions.
Tim |
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Tim_Tex
Professor Hineybottom
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 41865
Location: Houston, Texas
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| Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 6:38 pm Post subject: |
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Are mail-order brides even legal? So you're saying I should look for an Asian NT?
What person do you think would be good for me?
I just thought I would ask other people's opinions.
Tim |
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Rosacoke
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jun 16, 2006
Posts: 58
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| Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 6:40 pm Post subject: |
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| Having friends and having a romantic relationship are very important. However, it is a mistake to make all of your decisions on some theory about what part of the country you might find those people. If you follow your passions, try to become the best you you can be, and work on understanding yourself and other people, you will be laying the foundation for being part of a strong relationship. Then you can reach out to like-minded people (whatever their label), wherever you are. |
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thechadmaster
Addicted To Driving
Joined: Feb 14, 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 1120
Location: On The Road...Somewhere
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| Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 7:10 pm Post subject: |
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| Tim_Tex wrote: | Are mail-order brides even legal? So you're saying I should look for an Asian NT?
What person do you think would be good for me?
I just thought I would ask other people's opinions.
Tim |
No offense Tim, but i am sure the writer of this thred is not looking for a mail order bride, comments like that are not nescessary. |
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lowfreq50
Phoenix
Joined: May 02, 2005
Posts: 1588
Location: Gainesville, Florida
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| Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 8:20 pm Post subject: |
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| I doubt that geography has anything to do with the prevalence of AS in a given area. |
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krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 49
Posts: 5106
Location: Village of the Damned
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| Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 8:48 pm Post subject: AS chicks |
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I realy think your narrowing the field if you are only looking for AS women to date.I think I have AS but I dont think any of my boyfriends were AS, but had some AS traits that made them more excepting of me....I did hav more problems meeting men after college....seemed like the only place was bars and thats a lousy place to get to know anyone ,though the alcahol seemed the only way for me to overcome pathological shyness and paranoi of mens motives for even talking to me,and constant negative internal dialogue...."you are a horrible mutant....only men who want sex would ever talk to you...."very ahrd to have a conversation with others with that dialogue drowning them out....most of my life has been finding someone who liked my uniqueness at first and then wanted to try and change me....!I finnally went on a friendship site and listed my paculiarities in all their horrendous glory and specifically said....dont bother trying to change me...not going to happen...and found someone who was similiar and not AS (lots of trait ,though),and we have been together for 4 years.....but I was 39 when we met and there were lots of lonely and frustrating dead ends before...
Guess I jsut want to say...it isnt easy but worth it when you find someone who lets you be yourself, ahve you ever been to a party/bar and approached the girl sitting by herself in a corner or scanning the bookshelf of someone elses house party...that was me......and though I may have had a hard time when first approached, it could be an interesting conversation if the person was patiant enough to stick out the awkwardness.....
_________________
Just because one plane is flying out of formation, doesn't mean the formation is on course....R.D.Lang
Visit my wool sculpture blog
http://eyesoftime.blogspot.com/ |
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Popsicle
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 01, 2006
Posts: 889
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| Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 4:08 am Post subject: |
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Hi Tim;
First... you will be a lot happier and a lot more appealing to ANY mate, if you are happy and fulfililed, yourself.
The times I have put myself or what I love to do second to another person I have regretted it in the end. A person who cares will not want you to do that; plus, you will miss opportunities that will make you 'your best you'. And being your best you is also what will eventually attract your best mate for you also!
Second... you don't know that there are no Aspie females in Hawaii. You won't know that until you go!
Also, I'm not so sure that only Aspies are right for other Aspies... you may be surprised. Look for a woman with similar interests to your own, or possibly a girl who's into something quiet, like chess or computers... etc. Be up front about who you are and what you like or don't like, in everyday life. It is hard to give great advice without knowing you, and relationships with anyone are never so cut and dry or simple that everything can be covered here.
But I hope these thoughts may help you find your own way. Good luck. |
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Tim_Tex
Professor Hineybottom
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 41865
Location: Houston, Texas
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| Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 4:36 am Post subject: |
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There is an Aspie woman in Houston who I talk to (and one of only two Aspie women whom I have met in person). She and I have a lot of similar interests, but I don't know if she wants to be anything more than a friend. She has trouble finding and keeping a job, but I see past that, and maybe I am seeing past the fact that she is an Aspie. And that would hurt me even more if she weren't interested in me.
There was another Aspie woman who I was interested in, she lived out of state. She and I had the exact same interests, but she found somebody else. Even worse was that it was an NT she met on a strange fetish group, and lost her virginity with him--they had only been together for 6 weeks when she did this.
Neither of these women are on WP, by the way. |
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Popsicle
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 01, 2006
Posts: 889
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| Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 4:47 am Post subject: |
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To this I'd say that it is very hard to judge via internet whether a person is right for you. You may get along perfectly well in letters, but in person, there may be something that either one of you dislikes or isn't turned on by, about the other person.
So, chalk those up to learning experiences, it probably helped you learn how to talk to women better than you had been able to prior. I really think it is important to see the other person, IN person, and that is where the chemical attraction or the sparks will come from. Eventually it has to be in person anyway. So you both may as well meet sooner.
I say again from the voice of experience  That the more you follow what YOU love to do in life, the more chance you have of finding the best possible match for yourself. Do what you love and the rest is more likely to follow.. well, more likely to follow than if you put someone else first, and then when it breaks up have nothing to show for those years... At that rate you may end up poor and without a decent job, but if you follow what you love to do, you might end up with a good job, decent wages, an enjoyable life, AND the right girl for you. I'd say happiness is more likely the 2nd way, but that's just my opinion. |
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Tim_Tex
Professor Hineybottom
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 41865
Location: Houston, Texas
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| Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 4:56 am Post subject: |
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And what if there's an Aspie woman in particular that I want to be with? How would she and I get together if I went to school in a place where I truly wanted to live, and she lived somewhere completely different? How would things work out?
Tim |
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Popsicle
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 01, 2006
Posts: 889
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| Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 5:03 am Post subject: |
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I'm not sure I can reply well, without knowing a bit more detail regarding your scenario.
Long distance relationships are difficult. But this may be different for NT and AS. NT tends to need physical touch and that is obviously not possible in a long distance relationship. I don't know about AS. It is hard to have companionship long distance either, but that may not be an issue particularly, if both are just as happy with phone and internet.
In my opinion the relationship does not TRULY begin until both are in the same space. Can a relationship be kept going long distance until then? Yes, if both people are commited to it. How to guarantee commitment? You can't, but then, you can't in person either, really! It just depends on the will of both people. What is her will? Is it to be with you? If so then you should not have to change your life to suit her. If she wants you enough she will adjust.
I'll say again though, that every time I have put myself second, for what I thought was 'the one', all I ended up with was more months or years, with nothing to show for it. No relationship and because I had put my life second and put things I love to do on hold, no great career either. This is something to think about. As hard as it is when a relationship is over, it's much harder if you have sacrificed time and opportunities to be there. Every relationship is a crapshoot in some way. But, at least if you keep up with your interests during it, if it does end, you have something to show for that time. And if it DOES work out, then you have a good relationship and a good career. |
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